Unofficial History of the Three Kingdoms - Hilarious Edition

(1) The straw boat -

Lu Su: "Can we really borrow arrows this way, Mr. Kongming?"

Zhuge Liang: "Trust me."

Lu Su: "But I'm still a bit worried..."

Zhuge Liang: "No need to be."

Lu Su: "But don't you feel it's getting hotter inside the boat?"

Zhuge Liang: "Now that you mention it, there is a bit of heat... Is anything unusual happening?"

Lu Su: "Yeah, I'm afraid the enemy might shoot fire arrows..."

(2) Changban Slope -

Cao Hong: "Prime Minister, look! That enemy general has come back again!"

Xiahou En: "This is the seventh time today, isn't he tired?"

Cao Cao: "Damn... Does he have to kill all my troops before stopping!?"

Zhao Yun fighting amidst chaos: "Zhang Fei, you XXXX! Let me guard the rear but don't give me a map~~ Where is the Changban Bridge~~~~~"

Zhao Yun, styled Zilong, nicknamed Liangya, one of the Five Tiger Generals of Shu.

(3) -

Diao Chan: "................"

Dong Zhuo: "................"

Lü Bu: "I just want to hear one honest word from you, which one of us do you love more!?"

Diao Chan: "................"

Dong Zhuo: "................"

Lü Bu: "Answer me!"

Dong Zhuo: "It's really hard to decide~~~ I like both of you~~~"

Lü Bu: "Scumbag~~~!!"

According to research, the first BL murder case in Chinese history occurred at the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty...

(4) -

Soldier: "Report~~ General Guan has cut down enemy generals and captured their flags, returning victorious!"

Liu Bei: "Very brave! Nom nom..."

Zhang Fei: "Not bad! Gulp gulp..."

Guan Yu: "Big Brother, I'm back~~~"

Liu Bei: "Hmm, sorry, lunch has already been eaten up by me and Third Brother~~~"

Guan Yu: "凸（-_-）凸..."

One year later, at Hulao Pass --

Li Ru: "Grand Secretary! A red-faced giant broke through and beheaded General Hua, then fled like the wind!"

Dong Zhuo: "What!!! So fierce!?"

Allied camp --

Liu Bei: "Yunlong's movements have become faster recently..."

Zhang Fei: "Yeah, the wine is still warm..."

Guan Yu: "Nom nom~~ Gulp gulp~~~"

(5) -

Simɑ Huī: "Ah!"

Liu Bei: "Master, what's wrong?"

Simɑ Huī: "Your mount seems to be the legendary evil horse 'Di Lu'. If you don't abandon it, you will surely suffer harm in the future."

Liu Bei: "Thank you for reminding me, Master, but I'm not superstitious."

After Liu Bei left --

Lin Chi: "Father, did you get me the little white horse yet~~~"

Simɑ Huī: "Don't rush~~"

Zhao Yun: "Is anyone home? Have you seen my lord..."

Simɑ Huī: "Oh? General, your mount seems to be the legendary evil horse 'Di Lu'..."