Last year, Yaya started first grade. One day she came back and said, "Mom, my classmate copied my answers, and I got them all wrong."
She once tricked her mom with finished homework.
Ms. Wang felt that she had never spoiled her child. Every time Yaya made a mistake, she would criticize her, sometimes even physically punishing her.
Expert Analysis
Many people say, "Good children are praised into existence," but she believes that praise must be given in moderation. For example, if the mother is cooking in the kitchen and the child does something praiseworthy, you can stop what you're doing and say to her, "Come here, let me give you a kiss, you did a great job." This is better than not even looking up and saying to the child, "You did an excellent job, Mom will buy you something good to eat tomorrow."
When the child uses small tricks, parents should not overly affirm them.
Ms. Wang asked her, "Why did you write it wrong?"
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Ms. Wang from Changchun had her daughter at 40 years old. Her daughter Yaya (a pseudonym) is 8 years old this year.
Yaya is lively and active, and everyone praises her as "smart." One day, Yaya said she intentionally wrote the answers wrong for her classmates to copy. Ms. Wang discovered several times that her daughter was lying. She hit her and scolded her, but her daughter continued to use small tricks. She began to worry that her daughter seemed to be "off the right path."
Intentionally writing wrong answers for the classmate to copy
"Deliberately, after he finishes copying, I'll secretly correct it so that the teacher sees the correct answers," Yaya's words shocked her. How could such a young child have such cunning?
Educating the child after punishment
One day, while tidying up her bag, Ms. Wang found a math exam paper with only 60+ points. It had her signature on it, clearly written by Yaya. She didn't make a fuss, and the next day she asked other parents, finding out that the teacher required parents to sign the exam papers.
After being beaten, Yaya didn't change her mistakes. Once, when Ms. Wang was organizing her bag, she found a math exam paper with only 60+ points. It had her signature on it, clearly written by Yaya. She didn't make a fuss, and the next day she asked other parents, finding out that the teacher required parents to sign the exam papers.
Ms. Wang educated Yaya at the time and became concerned, thinking that her child's thoughts were starting to go astray.
Praising children should also have standards
Ms. Wang married for 10 years before having Yaya. For her daughter, she hasn't worked for 5 years. Yaya is very active. In kindergarten, she often played under the table whenever the teacher turned around, and wasn't honest at times.
Jing Ying thinks that when dealing with children who like to use small tricks, parents shouldn't say "you're really smart." Instead, they can tell her, "You're a serious child" or "You can persist."
The mother should reflect, when the child was two or three years old, whether she overly affirmed the child when she used small tricks, such as laughing or happily telling others in front of her. The child thought the mother liked her to do this, thinking it was praise. Once this idea formed, even if the child really lied later, she wouldn't think she was lying. Her behavior is a way to seek praise and support.
Correcting the child's mistakes in time
Jing Ying said that when the mother educates the child, she should promptly correct the child's mistakes and impose appropriate punishment. Although this mother was also strict, the child would beat her when she made a mistake, but the beating wasn't scientific enough. After punishment, subsequent guidance should be added. When the child gets into trouble, she dare not tell the parents. The mother should imagine how anxious and uneasy the child's mood was at that time. Children will inevitably make mistakes, but if making a mistake means getting beaten, the child will choose to avoid responsibility through lies.
Use scientific educational methods, affirm the child's correct behavior, establish the right way of thinking, encourage the child to admit mistakes, and give affirmation when the child admits mistakes.
If the child has done what they should do, and there is some improvement, the parents should not exaggerate their surprise. A hug or pat on the head as a reward, the intensity of praise should not be too strong. If she achieves one point, you reward five points; when she achieves five points, she will expect ten points; when she achieves ten points, she will expect a hundred points. Her increasing demands may be something the parents cannot meet.
Listening to Yaya's story, Ms. Jiao Ying from the Mental Health Education Center of Changchun No.2 Experimental Middle School believed that the child's behavior also reflected inaccuracies in the parents' education. Don't label all the child's actions as lying. If you always think she is lying and criticize her by frequently saying, "You are a child who loves to lie," the child will also label herself as "I am someone who loves to lie," which will lead to low self-evaluation in her future growth.