Since the earthquake, every Beijinger has been concerned about it, and some have even rushed to the disaster relief frontlines. But recently, with the increasing amount of negative news from the disaster area, Beijingers have almost spent each day in sorrow. They want to cry but cannot; some feel helpless because they cannot do more; others deeply grieve for the children who lost their families and the parents who lost their children; still others worry about our rescue personnel... It is understood that some citizens, due to excessive depression, have suffered from eating disorders, gastrointestinal discomfort, palpitations, insomnia, abnormal temper, mental confusion, and even inability to work normally. These phenomena are understandable; the pain of losing loved ones naturally torments everyone's heart like being cut by a knife.
From another perspective, this also reflects the familial bond of the Chinese nation. Precisely because we are as close as siblings, we feel such profound sadness. However, we still need to eat, work, and live on. Here, we might use a few methods for self-regulation.
1. It's best to cry it out.
When you see certain scenes or hear certain stories, when you feel moved or sorrowful, please let yourself cry. Throw away those so-called maxims like "A man does not shed tears easily" or "Crying is a sign of weakness." Because at this moment, crying is the best way to release emotions. From a medical point of view, tears, like urine and sweat, are products of metabolism and necessary means for the body to expel foreign substances; only tears carry emotional waste. If emotional energy isn't released through this method, it will suppress other parts of the body, potentially leading to physical and mental illnesses.
Therefore, someone said: Crying makes you feel better. This statement is true; the "emotional garbage" carried by tears is actually a spontaneous behavior of the mind and body's self-protection mechanism. Just like a baby's crying is a sign of health, it is normal expression and a way of self-decompression. After a good cry, be sure to drink more water, avoid eating immediately, or doing emergency work, allowing your emotions time to buffer.
2. Self-suggestion
In psychological treatment, there is a "crying therapy." Of course, this "crying therapy" is different from "crying due to environmental sadness." It involves crying for one's life experiences, returning to that feeling of powerlessness and helplessness, which is a form of "self-diagnosis," touching the wounds of the soul.
At that time, the patient cries while recalling feelings, and during this process, the psychologist suggests healthy verbal information to help the patient complete their healing, akin to stitching and applying medicine to the wound.
While crying over the disaster area, you should also give yourself these suggestions:
1. We did nothing wrong, but there was nothing we could do!
2. Cherish our families and protect our children!
3. Great lives must continue!
4. My family, my colleagues, our fellow citizens, our Chinese people, they are all so good and kind; I am proud to be Chinese!
5. If our loved ones are watching from above, they would wish us happiness and health!
6. Rest in peace, and we will continue what you couldn't finish. Believe in us; we fight together and will win more gold medals at the Olympics!
Losing loved ones is a spiritual wound that requires care and healing. When you sob, allow yourself to be with those feelings, without letting rationality suppress this sorrow. It is normal, real, and healthy. At the same time, transform sorrow into motivation.
3. Psychological Care
As the saying goes, "Three-tenths treatment, seven-tenths nurturing." While releasing emotions, relatives or friends must pay extra attention and comfort. If there is an embrace available while crying, it is naturally better.
Accepting a crying relative or friend requires using your most sincere "body language" to comfort their wounded heart. The specific method varies depending on the person, but it should embody the love between parents and children or among siblings, as this kind of love exists only among family members, and family allows anyone to relax and feel a sense of belonging. At that moment, you are not only their friend or relative but also their psychologist, or possibly mutual psychologists. Therefore, you should give each other scientific and healthy psychological suggestions: "I know, you're very sad, just like me..." "If you want to cry, go ahead, cry it all out!" "I am your family, we all love you!" "Is there anything troubling you? If you want to talk, say everything!"
If the other person can express themselves fully, then your effort has succeeded. It should be emphasized that when a man comforts a crying woman, it is best to stroke her hair and down to her back (above the waist), expressing paternal affection, making her feel safe and intimate. For men, a tight hug and stroking the back expresses maternal (or paternal) affection.
Two actions should be avoided: repeatedly patting the crying person's back, which implies "stop crying" or "leave me alone"; and abandoning the embrace to offer tissues. Also, avoid talking unnecessarily when silence is appropriate. As long as you have the heart of a parent toward a child or the love between siblings, everything will be fine.
4. Self-Adjustment
Some friends are so worried about the disaster area that it affects their work. Remember the ancient saying: "Heaven prepares great tasks for great people, first testing their resolve, strengthening their bodies, and toughening their hearts."
If someone worries about the children who lost their families and have nowhere to go, take a look at the flowers blooming in the cracks of rocks in your neighborhood. Imagine, perhaps when they started growing, they were already in adverse conditions, crushed by heavy stones, bent or broken. But did they die?
The earthquake disaster is like a huge rock, yet this little flower finds ways to grow through, facing the sun, and growing healthily. Moreover, its vitality is stronger than flowers grown in favorable conditions. Even if someone pinches it off, as long as the root remains, it will bloom again soon. Those children who lost their families, our love is their root, and a strong country is their root. So believe that they will surely bloom like this little flower and cherish their roots even more!
Additionally, some people returning from the disaster area may find it hard to forget the tragic scenes they witnessed. Their psychological pressure is unimaginable to ordinary people. Therefore, it is suggested that they recount their experiences in the disaster area, in any way they wish. At this time, if you are their friend or relative, you must be a good listener, a qualified psychologist. Besides accepting them as mentioned earlier, you should empathize with their experiences. Believe that as long as you unconditionally accept them and give them familial love, they will quickly come out of the shadow of their trauma. Because love is the best medicine for mental health and the only basis for human survival!