Deeply remembered, when I was a child, every time someone bullied me and hurt me, you always ran to the school to settle accounts with them, and quarreled with them many times! Looking at your figure, listening to your teachings, it made me learn to be strong, not to care about others' cold stares, to prove myself with one certificate after another, to learn to write essays that help others, to learn to walk my own path proudly! To live a life that makes you proud!
When I returned to that familiar yet strange home, looking at your portrait, I can no longer hear your voice, nor see your figure. I can only sit on the chair where you used to sit, quietly recalling your kindness from the past. My heart hurts so much, but I have to endure it. I cannot show it in front of grandma. I know that after you left, the person you are most worried about is grandma. Therefore, I have the responsibility to take care of grandma. Although I cannot replace you in taking care of her, caring for her, and cherishing her, as long as I have the ability, I will definitely take care of grandma! Please forgive me, I really can't stay there any longer because I can't bear the pain of missing you! That's why I avoided paying respects to you during the Qingming Festival, and only burned some paper money for you from afar. Even on this 14th day of the seventh lunar month, I avoid facing it! Until now, I cannot accept that you are far away from me forever. I still feel like you are always around! Every time I want to call you, when I open my phone, I realize that there is no line that can connect me to you!
Grandpa, are you doing well? My thoughts flood like a tide, I really miss you so much. Every time I think of you, my throat starts to choke up, and my heart begins to ache. Missing, guilt, and regret fill my mind and do not dissipate. Although I know that my clumsy writing cannot express everything, and words seem so powerless in front of the truest emotions. But since I can no longer say it to you in person, please allow me to use my inferior words to express my longing and regret for you...
It has been more than half a year since you left, but your kindness and love for me are becoming clearer in my mind. Especially in recent days, missing you has become an indispensable part of my life. The remembrance is no longer limited to each festival related to honoring you; it could be a scene in a TV drama, or even some words, that make me think of you. My heart surges like ocean waves, filled with regret and tears streaming down.
Later, I went to Hubei and Beijing, and you supported me so much while worrying about me. No matter how unwell you were, you always said everything was fine over the phone! By the time I returned from my twists and turns in Beijing, you had added so many white hairs! It was my selfishness, my lack of cherishing time, my inability to spend quality time with you - all my mistakes!
That year, when I was not yet one year old, I started living with you. Your heavy preference for boys over girls never showed towards me, and I believe this is fate! Since I was small, I have been in poor health, cried often, threw tantrums, and was disobedient, causing you a lot of trouble!
Every time I did something wrong, you never scolded me, but instead taught me patiently. Even if you knew I was wrong, you still stood by me. You said you were my safe haven; when I felt wronged or tired outside, I could come back to rest by your side. With you here, I always had a place in the family! Regardless of whether I was feeling down or proud, you cared and protected me differently!
Whenever mom did something that hurt me, although you couldn't be there physically to solve it, you would repeatedly call her and scold her harshly, strongly demanding that I leave and abandon them! I know that apart from you, no one else cares about my feelings and future. When I was forced to attempt suicide, you received the call thinking it was mom who self-harmed, and the phone was filled with scolding, saying she should die sooner. But when you found out it was me attempting suicide, your tone immediately softened with warmth and pain, and you almost fainted from high blood pressure. It was my unfilial act, and I apologize again!
In childhood, no one cared for me. Everyone thought that without parents, I wasn't worth anything and would likely achieve nothing in the future. Only you never gave up on me, showing affection! Whatever other children had, you would strive to make sure I had too. When I craved snacks and grandma wouldn't give them to me, you secretly bought them and put them in my backpack. You often took me around everywhere, and I followed you happily wearing shorts. You never looked down on me; in your eyes, I was never a burden!
The following days were truly peaceful and comfortable! I was lazy, even skipping meals just to indulge my laziness, but you went to the market every day to buy good food and deliver it to me. You also cooked and prepared meals for me, keeping a portion of whatever you thought was delicious. Even when you stewed soup, you would bring it to me in a thermos! Whatever I wanted to eat, you would buy for me! Seeing things beneficial to my health, no matter how far away, you would find and ask about them! Whatever I wanted, be it tables or cabinets from home, you let me move them! At that time, we quietly hid in the room to eat egg tarts, and every time grandma wasn't paying attention, I stuffed tasty things into your pocket. I regret that I didn't have the ability to give you anything back then!
As the saying goes: "A tree wants to be still but the wind won't stop; a child wants to take care of his parents but they are no longer there." Death is so cruel, leaving no room for assumptions or chances to correct our mistakes! But if there is a next life, I would still be your granddaughter, living happily with you. Sitting by the bed listening to your stories, walking together on the streets, playing chess leisurely, laughing joyfully. Cherishing every second with you, I won't be reckless and cause you pain and sorrow anymore! Beloved grandpa, I will always remember you, honor you, and may you rest in peace!
After the failure of running my own business and shop, my mood remained unsettled for a long time. Learning the truth of my failure, my heart turned to ashes. Under your guidance, I moved back to live with you. Seeing your full head of white hair, and your difficulty moving due to a stroke, I felt so guilty. In an instant, I had been away for so many years, leaving you lonely for so long! Watching you drag out a pile of food you had saved for me from under the bed, my heart warmed so much. To take care of you and repay your love in the future, I swore to start anew at that moment.
Until now, I believe that during the last time I saw you, you knew your life was nearing its end, urging me to go back and work hard, to cherish myself, and to live well. But I never expected that this departure would be eternal. I was too foolish! Hearing the news of your passing, I collapsed! I was in so much pain, feeling like I was dying. Crying and shouting, rolling and crawling, but I couldn't see you one last time because my body was weak, and the doctor said that any movement might endanger my life. Those days, I ate furiously and took care of myself fiercely, hoping to recover quickly and visit you sooner, but it was already too late! Only then did I understand how painful it is to lose a loved one!
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