Looking at the people rushing about for the ancestral worship, I can only imagine what my family is doing. Maybe it would be better to make a call home, but the longer the time goes without calling home, the harder it becomes to pick up the phone and dial. Sometimes I even wonder if I am still our parents' son, and I feel ashamed. The conversation always comes back to work. This job of communication maintenance doesn't give you any desire or ideas to do anything else besides work. Even after work, I don't want to step out of my room again. It's like getting on the bus for work and getting off the bus after work. Perhaps I resemble a ticket seller on the bus! But ticket sellers have quitting time, we don't.
Today is Qingming Festival. Is Dad working? What is Mom doing now? Sister should be busy today. Brother went home from Yunnan, is he at home? Have they gone to pay respects at the graves? They might be able to go home later. I also miss my deceased grandfather. The most vivid memory he brought me was that winter when I was a child. Grandpa passed away that year, and the snow in the winter was so cold...
This year's Qingming Festival in Guangdong is overcast. It's another year I can't spend Qingming Festival at home. Counting up, it's been two years since I've spent it at home. Tracing back to April 4th, 2009, it was still drizzling medium rain. This day cannot be forgotten. My partner and I were in our naive ages with vague feelings but clear memories.
Am I getting less accustomed to her personality? After talking for a few minutes, it gets unbearable. Or am I getting more reluctant to talk on the phone? Or is it because I've seen more and experienced more outside? I can't deny these things. Perhaps as an individual, I mean emotionally and in life, I have become accustomed to my own reclusive nature. I treat everyone with indifference. The more mixed the emotional colors are, the more I want to withdraw.
This morning, my sister sent me a message asking when I will be back. I want to say immediately. Haha, but reason doesn't allow it. She knows that I had an argument with her, but she doesn't want to ask directly, and I avoided answering. Dear sister, we always make you worry. No matter what, it's my fault!