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Reprinted from 435761616 on May 01, 2009, at 19:18 Views (loading...) Comments (0) Category: Personal Diary
God's Joke
1. A priest was playing golf, with a nun watching beside him. The first swing went off course, and the priest cursed: "TMD, it went off course!" He swung again and cursed once more: "TMD, it went off course again!" The nun said, "As a priest, if you curse, God will punish you." As soon as she finished speaking, a thunder struck and killed her. The priest was confused: "Why did I curse, but why did the nun get struck?" At this moment, a voice from the sky came: "TMD, I also hit off course!"
2. Believer: "Omnipotent God, how long is ten thousand years for you?"
God: "It's just the blink of an eye."
Believer: "Then what about ten billion yuan?"
God: "It's just one of my hairs."
Believer: "Oh, benevolent God, then please give me one of your hairs."
God: "Not yet, I'll give it to you after I blink."
3. The head coaches of the football teams from China, Japan, and South Korea all came to hell and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: "South Korea needs fifty years." The South Korean coach burst into tears: "I won't be able to see it." God continued: "Japan needs a hundred years." The Japanese coach also burst into tears: "I won't be able to see it." The Chinese coach immediately asked: "What about us?" God burst into tears: "I won't be able to see it either."
4. There was a man who had a son in his middle age, and he loved him very much. With great hardship, he raised his son to adulthood, worked hard to send him through college. His son was dressed elegantly and glowing with health, while he himself wore tattered clothes, struggling financially, sparing no expense to buy a house and find a wife for his son. Now old, the father was driven out of the house by his ungrateful son on a stormy night. Seeking shelter in an old temple, the old man lamented to the heavens: "God, why are you so unfair to me?" After a flash of lightning, an even older voice replied: "This is retribution." At that moment, the old man saw an even older man emerge from the corner of the temple. Shocked, he asked: "Are you God?" The older man replied: "You bastard! More than twenty years ago, you drove me out. I am your father, and you don't recognize me anymore?"
5. In a barber shop, after the priest finished his haircut and was about to pay, the barber said: "I won't take your money. It's like serving God." The next morning, the barber found a thank-you letter and several Bibles outside his shop.
A few days later, a police officer finished his haircut and was about to pay. The barber said: "I won't take your money. It's like serving the community." The next morning, the barber found another thank-you letter and some community service manuals outside his shop.
After a few more days, a government official came for a haircut. When it was time to pay, the barber said: "I won't take your money. It's like serving the government." The next morning, the barber saw a line of government officials standing outside his shop.
6. One day, Clinton's wife Hillary was brought to see God. She noticed many clocks hanging in God's living room, some moving fast, others moving slow. So she asked God's servant: "Why does God collect so many clocks? And why do they move at different speeds?"
The servant replied: "These clocks represent people's lives. Every person in the world has such a clock. If someone cheats a lot, their clock moves faster; otherwise, it moves slower."
After hearing this, Hillary looked around and asked: "Why can't I see my husband Clinton's clock?" God's servant replied: "Your husband's clock is being used by God as a fan in the office!"
7. An elderly couple, born on the same day, month, and year, had lived together for 35 years. Yesterday, they held a grand banquet to celebrate their 60th birthday. During the banquet, God appeared. God praised the elderly couple as truly a "loving couple" and granted each of them one wish. The elderly woman excitedly said: "We are very poor, I just want to travel around the world and see it."
God waved his hand, and with a bang, a set of plane tickets fell into the elderly woman's hands. When it was the elderly man's turn to make a wish, he thought for a moment and said: "I want to marry a woman 30 years younger than me."
God waved his hand again, and with a bang... The elderly man suddenly became 90 years old.
8. God made a man out of clay, thus creating the human race;
First came the red people—because God baked the clay lightly;
Next came the black people—because God overbaked them;
Finally, God mastered the perfect baking time, thus creating our yellow race. Therefore, we are God's most successful masterpiece.
9. Little Tom proudly told his playmates: "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him 'Reverend Priest.'"
Little Paul said: "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him 'Your Excellency.'"
Little Rack hes didn't believe it: "So what? My uncle weighs 150 kilograms."
Everyone who sees him exclaims: "Oh! My God!"