If an EEG collector were installed above the city to capture brainwave signals, the most numerous ones would surely be about whether he or she likes me? The energy that humans have spent on this question could probably boil the Yongding River, yet it has never ended.
One day, while I was holding my phone and looking at a simple greeting text message sent by a male youth I had quite a good impression of, my heart started racing like the rhythm of a five-star Taiko Drum Master game. For the first time, the question popped into my mind: does he really like me or not? At that moment, I suddenly understood all the friends who had asked me this question over the past decade, and felt deeply ashamed and guilty for secretly thinking they were idiots. Then I earnestly concluded: whether someone likes you or not is such a profound, meaningful, and layered question!
As a young woman whose phone only ever received work-related messages and spam, without any ambiguous messages, ten years ago, when a friend caught me in tears asking this question, I would impatiently say, "Well, if you're so torn up about it, just ask him!" Ten years later, my response became: "It's different in every situation, hard to say." But deep down, I usually added: "If he really liked you, wouldn't you already know?"
A few days later, I found myself asking the same question to my girlfriends like every other silly girlfriend would: "Do you think he likes me?" Every girlfriend has her own take, though the answers may only be yes or no, their reasoning processes and bases were surprisingly all different. So I realized that seeking advice from girlfriends on emotional issues is a self-inflicted act of humiliation. Thus, I asked myself: why do you need to know if he likes you?
After pondering this, I couldn't help but laugh three times. In just one night, I dismantled thousands of articles defending ambiguity, and immediately took out my phone and typed the text: "Do you like me or not? Do you want to date me?"
Like the beginning of any ambiguous relationship, we met at a dinner party and hit it off, discussing everything from the impact of Bin Laden's death on international relations to whether the FDA in the U.S. was truly responsible. We were delighted to find that our views on many issues were highly consistent, and our values were also very similar. Although after the dinner party, we didn't invite each other for coffee, daily text message exchanges became a regular part of our routine.
If I didn't feel anything for this young man, even if he sent me Nobel Prize-winning love poems every day, I wouldn't respond. The problem is, I've developed feelings for him, and even a simple "Have you eaten?" can make me feel sweet inside. However, I would never let this sweetness reach him through my phone, often replying with vague phrases like "Hunger is the best teacher," and naturally, he did the same.
Thinking about this, I realized the crux of the problem lies in the fear of embarrassment. But hold on... how does self-esteem get hurt? Isn't it formed by the opinions others have of you? Why should their opinions dictate my actions? If I like someone and honestly tell them, if they then feel I'm too forward and enjoy my affection before rejecting me, shouldn't they be the ones embarrassed? My courage and honesty are things I should be proud of! If it's embarrassing, it's because liking someone unworthy makes it so. Besides opinion leaders, who can guarantee perfect judgment throughout their life?
However, no matter how much I try to beautify this psychology, confusion and indecision remain unavoidable emotions. Facing several greeting texts every day, I realized the cost of thinking about this question was too high. So I gritted my teeth and dug deep into my thoughts on a relatively quiet evening, trying to understand the process and ultimate answer to whether he likes me.
As for how he replies, it doesn't matter anymore. I revel in the joy of easily cracking the ultimate conjecture of whether he likes me or not. For someone as clever as me, missing out on me is his loss. And I believe Lu Xun would think the same way.
This question requires only a little thought to reach an answer: if I like him, it's likely he likes me too, and we could start dating—how wonderful! Why can't I just ask him? If the answer is yes, then it becomes: he likes me, I like him, and we both go back to his place. Isn't that what I want? But what if he doesn't like me? Asking won't change anything, and it would be embarrassing. I even prepared various responses for him: "You misunderstood... I'm not sure... I like you, but I've just come out of a previous relationship and am not ready yet." No matter what form it takes, as long as the answer is no, it will be damaging to me: if you don't like me, why send so many texts? Are you supporting China Mobile for the sake of the national economy? This could lead to anger, and possibly buying a voodoo doll inscribed with his birthday and sticking needles in it daily.
Related thematic articles:
- Outside the window
- Do you really like me or not?