The Fatal Love of a Leftover Woman
That year, I was 28 years old. All my female classmates and girlfriends had already gotten married, but I still hadn't found a partner, let alone ever been in love. At the time, I was extremely worried, dreaming every night about getting married. Especially when my mother urged me, I wanted to grab any man off the street just to get married. As one of my classmates put it: eager to get married but unable to find a partner. I often cursed under my breath, cursing men for being opportunists. When I was young and beautiful, I didn't think about finding a partner, but they swarmed around me like flies. Now, even though I'm not yet an old hag, with just a few wrinkles, they avoid me like the plague. Even worse, during a class reunion, a male classmate asked if I was married. I said I was an old maid, and he actually said, "Old is fine, but are you really a girl?" It made me so angry I almost spat blood. I thought to myself: why are women like vegetables? Once they're old, they're worthless.
In order to find a partner, I really went through a lot of trouble those two years, showing quite a bit of sincerity. But fate wasn't kind, and despite having gone on dozens of blind dates, there wasn't a single one that caught my eye. Isn't that strange? Although I went on many blind dates, I didn't lose heart, not because I wasn't discouraged, but because I couldn't afford to be discouraged since I hadn't found the right person yet. Until one day, I completely lost hope because when someone introduced me to another partner, it turned out to be another older bachelor. The secret code for our meeting was for me to hold a roasted chicken in my left hand and him to carry a bottle of beer in his right. We were supposed to meet on the overpass at the Zi Jing Mountain Department Store. Can you believe that? How could we discriminate against older bachelors this way? After that, I refused to go on any more blind dates.
At that time, the internet was becoming increasingly popular. Encouraged by newspapers, television, magazines, and other media, going online became synonymous with being trendy, avant-garde, and fashionable. Due to work reasons, I also had to learn how to use a computer. Little did I know that once I started learning, I would not only learn how to use the internet, but also discover the wonderful world of chat rooms where I could pass the time. Thus, I eagerly dived into it. There, I could forget all the troubles of life, forget the daunting task of finding a partner, and breathe freely and easily. I could pretend to be a pure little girl, babble nonsense, and make the gentlemen type furiously on their keyboards trying to chase after me, then I would run away. I could also pretend to be a male teacher, twist things around with those fake ladies who called themselves Silk Stockings or Twisted Girls. Occasionally, I would meet someone sincere and pour out my heart and worries to them without reservation. Although I bought a computer specifically for going online, I only saw the internet as a tool for leisure and entertainment, never expecting to find anything serious on it. However, soon after starting to go online, I met a partner and began my emotional journey, my first experience of love at the age of 28 in this virtual world. Perhaps, in this illusory world, the hearts of older maids are more easily touched.
One day, I logged onto the Sea Broad Sky chat room at Shangdu Information Port under the name "Apricot." The chat room was lively. A user named Sunshine Girl was saying to someone named Wretch: "Wretch, wretch, I love you. I won't hit you, I won't scold you. I'll carve you to death with my knife of love." Another user named Red Vine Around Tree was telling Mummy: "A wife isn't as good as a concubine, a concubine isn't as good as a prostitute, a prostitute isn't as good as a courtesan, a courtesan isn't as good as stealing, stealing isn't as good as failing to steal, failing to steal is better than imagining,..." A monk was saying: "Here we sell friendship, dreams, reality, passion, melancholy, and wine. What do you want?" A fake moderator kept posting messages: "We are planning a gathering. Please bring cash, prepare your alcohol tolerance, cosmetics, hurry up, details inside." A user named Old K was telling someone named Flowing Hair: "Gently, I'll take you to bed, gently lift your skirt, gently remove your underwear, gently kiss your cheeks, then gently tell you: Baby, shut up, it's time to change diapers!" Flowing Hair spat at Old K and ignored him. Old K apologized: "I'm sorry, I'm wrong. I tried to kill myself by hitting my head against tofu and hanging myself with noodles, but both failed. What am I supposed to do?" Flowing Hair replied: "I'm happy because you're happy, I'm glad because you're glad, I'm sad because you're thin, I laugh because you're fat, I have money because I sold you. This is my pig-raising philosophy." Old K responded: "There are six kinds of eggs in the world: eggs laid by chickens are called chicken eggs, those that explode are bombs, those reading this sentence are fools, those laughing are idiots, those angry are morons, and those cursing are bastards."
While I was laughing at this, a user named Missile came in and immediately started arguing with someone named Laughing Skew. He asked Laughing Skew why she didn't show up for their appointment. Laughing Skew, apparently a woman, started cursing Missile for being a liar. She told everyone how Missile described himself online as charming, cultured, and a big boss, but when they finally met, it turned out to be far from the truth. She got so angry she walked away without a word. While I was listening to Laughing Skew's story, Missile started talking again. Calmly, he claimed he wasn't lying, just a little reserved in his self-introduction. He explained word by word:
"I am a mature man (58 years old), well-built, others say I have an elder brother's feel (my size is like Wu Song's elder brother). My business is somewhat successful, I'm a not-so-big boss (running a cold drink stall), wherever I go, I carry a notebook (for recording phone numbers and daily income), my car isn't too good, but it's wider than a Lincoln (I ride the bus every day). Years ofē†¸tration at Henan University have shaped my cultural taste (because I used to sell cold drinks at Henan University). In my free time, I study Chinese ancient history, especially Qing history (my favorite TV series is 'Empresses in the Palace'). I keep up with the times (I clearly know which cold drinks sell best this year) because I often deal with high society, I get annoyed (the president of Henan University always tells me: no stalls allowed on campus!). So I often observe the lower classes (I have to go to smaller places to sell). My requirements for an ideal partner aren't high (as long as the other person is taller than me). Dear, come on, when you come, I'll treat you to a lot of ice cream (it will be the unsold ice cream that's about to melt). You'll be satisfied at first sight! (I guess you probably won't look at me a second time!)"
While I was enjoying this, a user named Ugly Man started talking to me, asking me to guess a riddle: "Pig's butt has two drops of water, guess a song title." I guessed for half a day but couldn't figure it out, so I asked him for the answer. It turned out to be "Your Face Streaming With Tears." I was so angry I wanted to spit blood, so I replied: "You look truly creative, living with true courage. Ugliness isn't your intention, it's God's bad mood. Be brave, live on. Without you, how could the world's beauty be highlighted?" After saying this, I ignored him. I thought he'd have nothing else to say, but instead, he replied: "You're beautiful, you're beautiful, with kangaroo arms and elephant legs, bear's head and rabbit's mouth, donkey ears and eyebrows in an eight shape, arms crossed and legs folded, crying and shouting to participate in a beauty pageant." I was speechless and had nothing to say. After giving him a "285" (a slang insult), I ignored him. He pestered me for a while, then left. I continued to sit there watching others talk. That's when I saw a user named Xiao Luo come in. I noticed him because of his name. In this special place, all sorts of names were common, but everyday names like his were rare. He stayed silent for a while, then asked: "Which happily married person wants to chat?" Seeing this, my heart skipped a beat. Compared to Old K, Ugly Man, and those who only talked to beauties or asked for mistresses, this question was much more meaningful. I replied: "Longing for plums to quench thirst," because I was a lonely bachelor. He responded: "Plums hang on the tree, longing is in vain." I typed: "Looking is painful, forgetting is hard, suffering unnecessarily. Looking is not as good as forgetting." He replied: "Looking, forgetting, netting...". And thus, we started chatting aimlessly, losing track of time. I felt we clicked, but didn't expect to chat with him again. However, the next evening, we met again and resumed our chatter.
For the following days, we became regulars here, along with others like Old K, Pure Lady, Figaro, Aquarius Whale, Cabbage Worm, etc., frequently visiting this chat room. Sometimes we all chatted about a topic together, but mostly we paired up to chat. I chatted more with Xiao Luo. Though I wasn't very experienced online and wouldn't call myself a cyber addict, due to my fast typing speed, I was particularly witty once online. Many seasoned cyber users weren't my match; they struggled to come up with responses while I impatiently tapped my keyboard. But I realized Xiao Luo was different. Not only was he fast, but he was quick-witted and eloquent. For example, when I asked his age, he countered with my age. When I joked about my uneven legs, he joked about his mismatched eyes. I introduced myself: "A certain lady, currently 28 years old, wearing a white shirt on top, black pants on bottom, and 45-sized black leather shoes. If anyone falls in love at first sight, please write a love letter quickly." He responded: "A certain gentleman, currently 28.5 years old, small eyes, big mouth, missing two teeth when smiling. Those interested, please contact quickly. Contact number: 1234567."
In this light-hearted banter, we slowly learned about each other and became familiar. Gradually, I learned he was half a year older than me and also single. Since we were both older bachelors, we shared more commonalities and topics. During our conversations, we even discussed our experiences with blind dates. He told me about a date where everything seemed fine until they entered the park. Suddenly, her high heel broke, leaving her embarrassed and unable to walk properly. She didn't want to tell him, and he, busy showcasing his knowledge, didn't notice. Realizing his lack of tact, she sat down on a bench nearby and refused to move. He continued walking and talking until he realized she was gone. He looked around frantically but couldn't find her, eventually returning home to ask the matchmaker. When he tried to arrange another meeting, the girl declined, saying their relationship wouldn't progress smoothly after such a start. His mother blamed him for days, calling him too careless and wondering who would marry such a clumsy man.
I told him about my worst blind date, where I ended up meeting a bald man with a face full of pimples, looking worse than Li Huozi. I was furious and confronted the matchmaker, who defended the man by saying he was only bald on top but held a promising position as section chief and was soon to be promoted. They accused me of judging people by appearance, failing to recognize talent beneath plain looks. I was speechless with anger.
As time passed, we grew closer. I learned his family consisted of four people, including a younger brother, whom I jokingly referred to as the second monk. He knew I had two sisters but didn't call us nuns, instead humorously comparing our family to the home of Zhu Bajie, claiming he resembled the character. His words made my face flush with excitement, and unconsciously, we both slipped into our roles.
Once, he even said: "Adorable you have stolen my affection and taken my heart. I decide to sue you in court. The judge can sentence you to lifelong companionship with me." His words made my heart race uncontrollably.
After a brief silence, he suggested making a phone call, which I silently agreed to. Unexpectedly, when the phone rang and I picked it up with trembling hands, the standard Mandarin voice that greeted me was so melodious and magnetic that I had never heard a more attractive male voice. In my quiet little room, his voice sounded as if it came from heaven, accompanied by celestial music. I was so enchanted that I felt ethereal and transparent, unaware of time and place. Remembering a previous conversation where I asked about his profession, he mentioned information dissemination. I guessed he might be a journalist, but he denied it. I guessed telecommunications, he said no. Newspapers or magazines? Still no. Finally, I guessed broadcasting, and he sent several smiley icons. From his impeccable voice, I was confident he worked in radio or television, and later confirmed my guess.
Often, before hearing his voice, we chatted online quite harmoniously, but something still felt distant. After hearing his voice and exchanging calls, everything changed. He even sent me an email:
"Our feelings, guided by the correct policies of the telecom bureau and under the warm care of computer merchants, have developed healthily over the past month. This is mainly reflected in:
1. We've chatted numerous times, spent considerable time together, and gained mutual understanding.
2. We live in the same city, providing a solid foundation.
3. I am a single man, and you are a single woman, making us equals.
These three points clearly indicate that through a month of interaction, we've reached a consensus in our feelings. Our main focus is mutual understanding and concern, equality and mutual benefit. Of course, every matter has two sides, and existing shortcomings are unavoidable. There's still a gap in our enthusiasm, but these are flaws in progress. In the new month, I believe we will build on our achievements, overcome our flaws, persevere, and create a new chapter in our relationship..."
Therefore, I propose three points for your consideration: Focus on the word 'love', emphasize the word 'intimacy', and implement the word 'union'.
Let's promote the spirit of unity, perseverance, and resilience to jointly elevate our feelings, striving for a new height and a new level. Following the principle that our feelings are built by us and for us, let's create brilliance together.
"You are the book, I am the cover. You are the mouse, I am the cat. You are the wood, I am the glue. You are the pork, I am the knife. Our relationship is so strong, what else needs clarification?"
Yours sincerely,
Little L
Year of the Monkey, Month of the Horse
As time went on, besides our online interactions, we exchanged other ways of communication. He gave me his mobile number, and I gave him mine. If I wasn't online by 8 PM, my phone would ring three times on schedule. Then, I would drop everything to rush online to see Xiao Luo. We often started chatting at 8 PM and sometimes continued until 3 or 4 AM, unwilling to log off. The midnight in the real world was quiet, and the midnight online was no longer crowded or noisy. Often, some vulgar words appeared, like hungry wolves howling in the night sky, making me feel uneasy and nauseous. Occasionally returning to reality, the darkness of the room scared me, but with Xiao Luo beside me, I felt safe and reliable. Unconsciously, I regarded him as my support and spiritual pillar.
In the midnight chat room, Xiao Luo often caressed my long hair, whispering in my ear: "Baby, although I haven't seen you yet, your soul is so pure and beautiful." In the quiet and darkness of the night, his gentle words, free of any sexual or unhealthy undertones, made me blush and my heart race. Through time and space, I felt pure affection, warmth, and beauty. Compared to some modern types who seek intimacy upon first meeting, I found Xiao Luo adorable and noble, trusting and relying on him even more. I told him I wasn't pretty, and he said beauty doesn't guarantee happiness, humbly claiming he was ugly. I believed it was just modesty. Moreover, if he were indeed unattractive, I wouldn't care. Through our time together, his overall impression on me was: honest, reliable, kind, and warm-hearted. These were qualities I had long sought after and cherished, scarce in today's era. Over the years, I believed that good virtues were more eternal, dependable, and precious than power, wealth, and appearance. Marriage is a lifetime contract, enduring changes in time and transformations in eras, experiencing the vicissitudes of life and the unpredictability of fate. We need something firm and constant to rely on amidst all these changes. Besides virtue, nothing else seems stable, including youth, appearance, occupation, health, wealth, power, and even culture. Over the years, I waited and searched for these seemingly common yet rare qualities. Now that I've finally found them, I don't care about his looks or external appearance. Even if his face were dark or if he were missing a leg, I wouldn't mind. This was how I thought at the time. Why do some people marry fully paralyzed Zhang Haidi? Why does a pretty girl from a high-ranking family marry a mute? Now, I understand them all.
To others, it might seem absurd and unreal for two people to make such a decision without ever meeting. But I don't think so. I'm confident I haven't acted impulsively.
Reasonably speaking, by this point, we should have met already, but he seemed hesitant, never bringing up the topic of meeting. Me? Initially, I was also hesitant, unsure whether to invest my emotions or trust the internet. We carefully considered these issues multiple times. Precisely because of our caution, we rarely discussed meeting, and precisely because of our rationality, the date of our meeting kept getting postponed. Normally, such hesitation and rationality would hinder the development of feelings, but our relationship not only didn't stagnate because of our rationality, it advanced further, just like building a dam to contain floodwaters, only for the floodwaters to break through the dam and flow forward even stronger. Before overcoming the obstacle of meeting, we began discussing marriage online, perhaps because as older bachelors, we yearned for marriage, or perhaps because our feelings had developed to this stage. We directly discussed which wedding photography studio in the city took the most beautiful pictures, which convertible presidential review vehicle was best for weddings. During this period, I even started paying attention to wedding dress styles while