N Types of Men
Column: Essays Added Time: December 6, 2010, 14:52:34 Source: admin Clicks: 47
I have a client who is over sixty years old. Suppose he is now the general manager of a real estate company with assets exceeding hundreds of millions. Because I knew him when he wasn't successful, we speak freely to each other. Every time I see him, he says that I'm becoming more and more beautiful. I respond by saying he's becoming more and more handsome. One day, he said that my car was low-end and I worked too hard. If I wanted to change my situation, I could immediately have a good car and house. I told him that although my four wheels were broken, they protected me from wind and rain. Although I earned money through hard work, it was all sweat and blood, and I liked this kind of simple life. Another day, he said that even though I was beautiful, I was unattainable. I told him that even though he was handsome, he was a bit too old.
I have another client in his thirties who is a top-tier figure in his industry. His annual advertising investment alone reaches several million, so he is quite arrogant. I know both him and his wife. While doing business with him, he repeatedly hinted at me. When he saw that I was indifferent, he had his friend tell me that his relationship with his wife was not good, and they were going through a divorce. Now, girls chasing after him formed a long queue. If I was willing, I wouldn't need to queue. I told his friend that no matter what, there must be an order and a first-come-first-served rule. I was willing to queue, and if someone cut in line, I would move back even further. This wealthy man, after the contract ended, owed me for over a year without settling the account, which made me so angry that I removed his advertisement. Eventually, he had no choice but to settle my small account. There have been several cases like him where they were initially very nice but later refused to pay. I kept thinking, if I had followed their wishes at the beginning, would my payment have been easier to collect?
The other day, I was walking on the street when a BMW driver stopped beside me and rolled down the window to offer me a ride home. I've encountered this situation many times before, and it always puzzled me. If I were a seventeen or eighteen-year-old girl, this would be understandable. But I am already thirty years old! Furthermore, familiar people expressing affection means they understand you. So why would someone offer help as I walk on the street? What are their intentions? After refusing, I still had doubts, so I asked again: "Am I looking like a bad person?" My meaning was whether he thought I looked like a woman of ill repute, allowing him to express such boldness. He didn't answer me but instead asked me if I thought he looked like a bad person. I replied, "You look absolutely like a good person, but I prefer bad ones." He then asked if I was married. I replied, "No, I'm an old maid." He mumbled, "Old? But are you still a maiden?" Oh, you think I'm old and can't walk, so you're offering me a ride, Comrade Lei Feng. Thank you, but I can still manage. After saying that, I walked away.
There's another client, also in his thirties, whose conditions during the contract signing were so harsh that they were almost unbearable. He demanded one condition after another. When he made another request, I was about to get angry but couldn't. So, I said in a huff, "Then I'll just give you a wife." Everyone laughed, and the contract was signed. However, when I went to settle the account after the project was completed, he said I owed him a wife and refused to pay. No matter how many times I tried, he always used this excuse. One day, right after they had a meeting with many people present, I brought up the settlement again. He said I owed him a wife. I replied, "Alright, I'll introduce you to two women," and he said one was enough. I said, "One older woman will bring along a younger one; buy one, get one free. If you don't want it, I'd rather introduce you to a pockmarked woman." He said, "A pockmarked woman is better than a pretty fifty-year-old woman." I said, "Then how about an eighty-year-old woman? Once you marry her, you'll instantly have a large family and become a grandfather without any effort. Moreover, every night you'll be holding an eighty-year-old woman and drinking expired milk, risking poisoning. How would I explain that to you?" Everyone burst out laughing, and finally, he issued me a transfer check.
There's a boy in his early twenties, much younger than me, and we aren't very familiar with each other. He sent me text messages every day. Seeing that I ignored him, he eventually told me that he was a virgin. If I was willing, we could meet immediately. This put me in a difficult position. After hesitating for a while, I told him to be careful these next few days and not lose his virginity to someone else. I would discuss it with my husband and reply later.
I recently bought a high-spec Tianya Ge car. Although it may seem inferior compared to Mercedes-Benz and BMW, it's a significant upgrade from my previous car. I felt great driving it, and others who rode in it also thought it was excellent. One day, I went out with two colleagues, and upon getting into the car, one of them sighed and said that riding in this car made her want to marry me. After traveling a long distance and finishing our errands, the two insisted on treating me to dinner. Unable to refuse, I went along. Unexpectedly, during the meal, they told me that they had discussed it and were willing to be my second and third husbands respectively, promising that they would never argue. They asked for my opinion. Stunned, I stared at them for a while and said, "One is too tall, and the other is too short. Starting today, go home and practice. When the tall one shrinks to 1.7 meters and the short one grows to 1.8 meters, I'll consider taking you in." The tall one was dissatisfied and said, "It's fine for the short one to grow taller, but why does the tall one need to shrink?"
I replied, "The short one is too fat, and growing to 1.8 meters will make him more proportionate. The tall one is too thin, and shrinking to 1.7 meters will make him more suitable."
The tall one said, "This is being picky." I said, "Things that come knocking on your door usually aren't good, so of course, I need to choose."
The tall one said, "So things that don't come knocking on your door are good?"
I said, "No, things that come unexpectedly are good."
The other night, I placed a glass of water by my bedside to drink if I got thirsty in the middle of the night. Just before dawn, my husband picked up the cup and took a sip, saying, "Why does this water taste strange?" I said, "It's fine, it's the water I poured." My husband took another sip and asked, "What tea bag did you use? Why has it swollen so much?" I was surprised and said, "I didn't put any tea bag in. Then what is it?" My husband handed me the cup. When I looked inside, I saw a clump of toilet paper. I didn't know how it ended up in the cup after wiping the baby's bottom last night. I wanted to laugh but dared not, so I told him, "This is expensive cellulose protein slimming tea. Don't drink it." Then I took the cup and poured the water into the trash can beside the bed. Unexpectedly, my husband became upset and said, "It's so expensive, and you only let me take one sip before throwing it away. You shouldn't drink this kind of thing."