How do loving couples deal with the "seven-year itch"?
Here are seven tips to help you get through the marriage plateau.
Written by Ai Yan Shuang Fei
In reality, most couples may experience what is known as the "seven-year itch" to some extent psychologically. However, after the itch, everything usually returns to the original marital track, not as terrifying as imagined. Of course, there must be a certain logic behind this. For those who have just entered the realm of marriage or are about to face or are currently experiencing the "seven-year itch," there are certainly successful lessons they can learn from. So, how can couples prevent the "seven-year itch"?
1. Mental Awareness Aspect: The first step in solving problems is to eliminate misconceptions and obstacles in our thinking.
1) Discard existing prejudices and psychological fears. In other words, one should have the correct understanding that the "seven-year itch" in marriage might occur and could potentially impact the marriage, but it is also not necessarily bound to happen. Even if it does, its impact on the marriage is not as terrifying as imagined. Essentially, it is just a normal marital phenomenon, and there is no need for excessive fear. Consider that couples live together day and night, and their emotions and thoughts constantly collide. Feeling bored or having friction is completely normal. The so-called "seven-year itch" in marriage is actually just the "itch" of adaptation. The better the adaptation, the more solid and long-lasting the future marriage will be. Of course, one cannot be complacent either, otherwise, it might become a pathological "itch."
2) Have a basic understanding of the trajectory of emotional development. The so-called "seven-year itch" is merely a normal stage in the development of emotional psychology. From a psychological perspective, the emotional world generally goes through stages such as passionate romance, marriage, boredom, fatigue, escape, and maturity. Everything has gains and losses. Each stage has its charming side, and at the same time, it must also have its less appealing aspects. This is similar to the various stages of life. Youth has its positive upward momentum and passion, but it also carries impulsiveness and immaturity. The charm of old age lies in its maturity and depth, but it can easily lean towards conservatism and rigidity. Marriage is the same. Regarding the so-called "seven-year itch," what we need to do is not avoid it but recognize it objectively and respond positively.
3) Have a clear understanding of the essence of marriage mentally. What exactly is marriage? Perhaps everyone has their own different understandings and descriptions, but there is no doubt that marriage is not just a piece of paper. Essentially, marriage is the combination of love and responsibility. Plainness and steadiness are the fundamental characteristics of marriage. For this point, every couple should have sufficient cognition before entering the matrimonial fortress or at any stage of marriage and make full mental preparations. There is a famous saying: "Marriage is a book; the first chapter is beautiful poetry, while the rest are plain prose." Once you have a clear understanding of the essence of marriage and are mentally prepared for its plainness, when the day comes, you won't feel overly uncomfortable or unable to accept it. You will be able to overcome one marital hurdle after another, and perhaps you will genuinely exclaim: "Plainness is also a kind of beauty."
2. Specific Action Aspects: Having the right and objective mindset is essential, but practical actions must also follow.
1) Learn to be inclusive. The "seven-year itch" may be a difficult-to-avoid stage in marriage, but it doesn't mean we can only passively accept it. Facing the possible "itch" in marriage, we need to be vigilant and take action. That action is mutual inclusiveness between spouses. This may seem like an old tune, but it is perhaps the core treasure in resolving the "marital itch." Having a heart of inclusion is the fundamental guarantee of marriage and a basic quality that spouses must possess. Otherwise, couples will forever be entangled in countless frictions, conflicts, and contradictions.
2) Enhance communication. This may still sound like a cliché, but even though everyone understands the principle, not everyone seriously reflects on it. Without reflection, there will be no action. Communication between spouses is important, but why communicate? What benefits can communication bring? How to communicate? Have you thought about these things? Have you made any efforts or attempts? If you don't even attempt, everything will just remain talk, and it will always stay theoretical. You will forever only understand the principles without benefiting from them.
3) Innovate timely. Marriage, of course, tends to return to plainness, which we may not be able to change because it is an objective psychological reality. But this doesn't mean we can do nothing about it. While accepting the plainness of marriage, we shouldn't be confined or submissive to this plainness. We should try every means to create new things. We must accept the plainness of marriage but also not be limited by it. In the steady flow of plainness, we can fully stimulate creativity to create one interest point or passion point after another.
4) Pay attention to details. Why highlight details separately? Because detail issues are the easiest to overlook, yet they sometimes determine success or failure. We may have a clear understanding of marriage and do well in principle-related major aspects, but due to neglecting some details, marital problems persist, or even worse, cause fatal damage to the marriage, and you might not even realize it. Afterward, you may regret it deeply. In marriage, neither spouse should ever neglect detail issues.
Love can be briefly beautiful, like a flash of lightning, but marriage must be real and plain, like a steady stream. The beauty of marriage lies precisely in this. The so-called "seven-year itch" is merely an offshoot of plainness. What we should do, of course, is not to fear or exaggerate irrationally. The "seven-year itch" is not an insurmountable obstacle; it's just a reminder for people to carefully manage their marriage because marriage is a discipline that requires continuous learning.