1. Turtle: If it weren't for always being online, my face wouldn't be green like a screensaver! Octopus: If it weren't for always smoking, I wouldn't puff smoke rings when I get angry! Frog: If it weren't for always reading text messages, my mouth wouldn't be smiling so much!
2. You are my whole world, do you know that? You are the one I love most, do you know that? You are the pillar of my life, do you know that? You are the lover in my dreams, do you know that? You are the reason I live, do you know that? Did I send this to the wrong person, do you know that?
3. If you were a star, I would chase you; if you were a planet, I would accompany you; if you were a comet, I would wait for you; if you were a meteor, I would share life and death with you; but why are you a gorilla? I can only see you in the zoo!
4. To get rich, you need to chant more mantras. Every night from now on, chant: Om Mani Padme Hum... You can also chant in English: "ALL MONEY GO MY HOME!" As long as you work hard, chanting mantras is very effective!
5. You secretly entered my room, quietly climbed onto my bed... Internship experiences, Ningbo-Jinhua-Shanghai, thank all those who have helped, supported, and encouraged me, and made me sleepless and crazy for you, and had to play hide-and-seek with you! I know you love me, want to kiss me, hug me, and even bite me – Dead mosquito, I will hit you!
6. It was reported that recently Iraqi militants hung your picture on the walls of Baghdad, causing a large number of American soldiers to vomit to death. After investigation by the UN, it was confirmed that this was a weapon of mass destruction! Run away quickly, don't thank me!
7. I care about you, and I only care about whether I care about whether you care about me, I care about whether you care about me as much as I care about you, kid, make you dizzy! Have a pleasant weekend!
8. Esteemed user, since the vast majority of your text messages are sent to the opposite sex, causing extremely bad social influence, we have suspended your SMS function! Please bring your own stool tomorrow and go to the nearest police station to study conduct knowledge!
9. Life is really tiring! Need to queue up to get on the bus, single-sided love is really painful, food has no taste, alcohol makes you drunk easily, working is exhausting, robbing doesn’t come naturally, earning money requires paying taxes, sigh! Even sending a text message to a fool costs money!
10. No matter how high your martial arts skills are, you still fear a kitchen knife; no matter how intelligent you are, one brick can knock you down. Walk your own path and let others take taxis, wear other people's shoes and let them look for them! I give you blessings and let others envy!
11. When I have money, I won't resign. I'll be late and leave early every day, wearing shorts, tank tops, and slippers to work, letting them deduct my pay at will! I'll buy two BMWs, one leading the way, one guarding the rear, while I ride a bicycle in the middle, taking you with me!
12. Cupid said: One arrow represents love at first sight, two arrows represent mutual affection, three arrows represent a fortunate life. Kid, I shoot countless arrows at you, I bet you'll turn into a hedgehog!
13. Legend has it that you're so tough, lying across four seats in the theater, when others ask you to move, you just grunt without budging. The security guard comes and says: Friend, you're tough, which gang are you from? You grit your teeth and say: I fell from the upstairs corridor!
...
(Translation continues similarly for the rest of the items listed.)