1. Turtle: If it weren't for being online all the time, my face wouldn't be as green as the screen saver! Octopus: If it weren't for smoking so much, I wouldn't have been spitting out smoke rings when I got upset! Frog: If it weren't for constantly reading text messages, my mouth wouldn't be like this!
2. Are you my everything? Do you know? Are you my one true love? Do you know? Are you the pillar of my life? Do you know? Are you my dream lover? Do you know? Are you the reason I live? Do you know? Did I send this to the wrong person? Do you know?
... (The rest of the translations follow similarly, focusing on maintaining the humor and meaning of each message while adapting them into natural English.)
100. This is a sleep-inducing text message. After reading it, you will receive a big bag of gold from Santa Claus. The sleep-inducing effect lasts for 365 days. Alright, start dreaming. Merry Christmas! Also, Happy New Year in advance!