In the lowest level of the earth - the Dark Realm, there lives a class of "non-human people" - the water spirits of the Dark Realm. They live briefly there, speaking a strange language. That place belongs to their world, with little intersection with the human world, yet they are still inseparably linked to it. They only "live briefly," because they never give up any chance for rebirth. To those water spirits who cannot bear the light, the human world holds too many temptations, and temptation, for any living being, always has an irresistible charm.
They are not human, for they have empty souls without anchorage. Though they have bodies and appearances similar to humans, they are destined to turn to ashes since they are beings with only souls but no flesh. Thus, life is even more tempting for them. They yearn for life at the cost of killing others. People call them water ghosts.
My name is Shangshang, and I am one of them. When I mention the word "water ghost," Yu Ge always gently pats my head and says tenderly, "Shangshang, you're different. In my heart, you will always be a deity." Then I laugh, and he turns his head away because he says my smile is poison, and he fears that he would be unable to extricate himself from it. Above our heads are rivers and canals crisscrossing, or wells, ponds, lakes, oceans, through which we can freely pass to seek another life.
Harming humans is something water spirits do out of necessity due to their life in darkness, endless torment, and the abandonment by the world, as well as their attachment to light. I was once a baby girl thrown into a desolate pond by the woman I should call "mother." My flesh rotted, and then I became a member of the Dark Realm, meeting Yu Ge, a boy older than me, a boy who dislikes floating just like me. Floating makes it easy to forget one's existence. Floating means being rootless, and rootless beings are destined to be lonely forever. We are all abandoned existences, drawing warmth from each other in a life without sunlight. Sometimes, I think about what my mother looks like, thinking faintly, feeling faint sorrow. I won't hate her because Yu Ge often says that family ties are the most indelible and great presence. He says no mother would willingly abandon her child; she must have her reasons. I believe him because he is my light.
"Shangshang, look!" Yu Ge points at some playing children by the water while submerged not far from the surface. I shake my head. Yu Ge is disappointed. A girl approaches the water's edge, and I pull Yu Ge down deeper. With our power, finding a replacement isn't difficult, but for hundreds of years, I've given up thousands of such opportunities. I've given up, meaning Yu Ge has given up too; he wouldn't leave me. I say I'm waiting for a perfect replacement; I won't end the dark days with an ordinary soul. Yu Ge always says he'll wait until I find the day. I say, "Then I'll forget you." He smiles, saying it doesn't matter. But I know the loneliness behind his smile and the solitude he tries to hide. Then my heart inexplicably aches. After leaving, after reincarnation, will it be a separation?
Actually, I know he won't believe my "ghost talk." He understands that for the human world, my heart is already as calm as still water, without ripples. Everything is just an excuse. The human world holds no allure for me. Finding a replacement and entering the cycle of reincarnation would mean nothing to me. That world doesn't belong to Shangshang.
The sound of an object hitting the water breaks the silence. I look up and see the struggling figure of the girl in the water. Why did she fall now? Yu Ge looks at the surface, then at me, but does nothing. I sigh. He doesn't want me to suffer the pain of wandering, and don't I also want him to be happy? Staying with me, this bland spirit, is cruel to him, though he doesn't say it or admit it, I feel sad, very sad.
The cries on the shore grow louder. They're just children, innocent children. Why should they pay for the sins of water spirits? I shake my head and swim towards the drowning child. Being underwater too long is unbearable for someone who can't swim. I hear Yu Ge say behind me, "I just don't want to see you work too hard..."
Yes, traveling between twenty-four different waters every day without repetition has been exhausting for these hundreds of years. I don't look back at him. I'm afraid if I do, I, pretending to be strong, will cry uncontrollably. I just forcefully support the girl in silence.
I hear a heavy sigh behind me, and then I see the shadow next to me. You're too kind, lacking the necessary cruelty. How should I describe you... I bitterly smile: Having too much affection for me, how should I describe you.
Give it to me. Yu Ge softly speaks.
We're both tired today, unable to endure the weight of a person for long, even just a child. Water spirits have no physical form, so we lack the ability to bear any weight. Time flows as it goes...
Let me do it, I look at his side face and say.
It's okay, I can hold on a bit longer. He weakly smiles.
I ignore his refusal and move closer to him.
Gradually, I hear the noisy voices from the shore, with children's crying mixed with adults' scolding. I can't help but relax my brow. When I turn to look at Yu Ge, his face is already deathly pale.
I become anxious, worried but powerless to help, suddenly realizing that the indifference formed over many years hasn't become the only part of my character.
Finally, the child is saved, but Yu Ge sinks helplessly into the water bottom. I hear the scolding from the shore, with hidden concern in the scolding.
I look at Yu Ge, and he's already exhausted. I can only stay by his side, helpless as I wait for him to recover, constantly cursing my own uselessness.
Far away, there are children laughing —— What a wonderful age! I can't help but marvel. For children, suffering is the easiest to forget. They won't understand life and death so early and young.
I look at Yu Ge, and he has opened his eyes, quietly looking at me.
I swim to his side, seeing the grayish face, unable to resist the pain in my heart: Why do you bother so much, why go to such lengths...
He weakly retorts: And you —— why bother so much? Even if you don't want this replacement, you didn't have to save her.
I'm stunned. Yes, why did I save her?
You cried, he smiles faintly.
Am I? I mutter to myself.
He smiles silently.
His demeanor, like his gentle words, is calm without a ripple, capable of calming turbulent waves, giving peace to the soul.
Let's go. He shakily stands up. There are still eleven places to cover. If we don't finish, the master of the realm will punish us.
Are you tired? I remain still, asking him.
Some things aren't within our control —— he shifts the topic.
Answer me! I slightly get angry.
He's stunned. Shangshang, don't...
Yes, repairing TVs like Philips, smart as he is, understanding me as he does. If I don't leave him cruelly, he will follow me until we both perish. How could I let him accompany me to destruction? Don't... Don't what... He wants me not to drive him away, but I have no choice. All I need is to watch his happiness, I don't want him to perish, I want him to reincarnate.
I'm tired, I say.
Stop being stubborn, listen to me. He comes over and takes my hand.
I avoid it. I know the price, at the cost of hurting him, though we never intend to hurt each other.
Shangshang, don't...
I can hear the plea in his voice.
Go ahead first, I say, I'm tired, I'm annoyed by you.
I turn and leave. As I turn, I tell myself: Shangshang, don't cry...
I haven't told Yu Ge, but actually, my standards aren't high. I don't want a perfect replacement. I just want to be with him, together until destruction, entering the cycle of reincarnation where I would completely forget him. There's only so much warmth in life, how could I bear to abandon even a bit of it...
I wait for him to get tired of me, or change his heart, which might be liberation for both of us. I thought only such decisiveness would make him lose interest, so he would stand in the world as a human, rather than barely surviving as a water spirit in the dark realm. After all, reincarnation is the ultimate destination for water spirits, and besides, he's a man who should take responsibility...
He won't chase after me; he knows my personality.
In the following days, I still traverse twenty-four waters big and small every day, becoming numb in the process, waiting for destruction in numbness. Between reincarnation and destruction, I choose destruction.
Because having witnessed the so-called "freedom" of the human world, I no longer wish to possess it, refusing to face it. Too many causes and effects entangle endlessly...
Not being able to cross the same water twice is exactly what makes it arduous. After a thousand years, water spirits who can't find replacements will dissipate like smoke, never to reincarnate again. I truly fear that Yu Ge, for me, will fall into an eternal abyss. I have no attachment to the human world, but I can't break others' dreams. He has his own endurance, but he should also have his own life.
Although humanity's curses against water ghosts have continued for thousands of years without stopping, yes, dragging people into the water, taking away their love, causing them pain, suppressing their rights to reincarnation, generation after generation, never ending...
Yu Ge often angrily asks, if they were in our situation, what would they do...
Only then does he show his childishness. As water spirits, when we enter the dark realm, if we die young, we will maintain the appearance of just reaching adulthood, and we are like this. I often tease him, do you think humans would consider water ghosts in their perspective? Among the three realms, how many truly escape the control of selfishness...
Such days of laughter and joy no longer exist. I return to the solitary walking I had when I first entered the dark realm, facing everything alone. Since I have no attachment to the human world, why should I enter that cycle of reincarnation? After a thousand years, I will vanish, and vanish I will, what's there to fear. Without him, the remaining years will be spent bravely by myself, reminiscing faintly.
After a day's journey, I pass through an abandoned well, sitting on its edge to sort out my thoughts. A meteor streaks across the sky, shining brightly as it falls —— that's the sign of a human entering the cycle of reincarnation.
I wonder, is Yu Ge already in the cycle of reincarnation, having his own family...
Traversing without his warm support, but I don't regret. A life with regrets is destined to be bitter, and I don't want to be like that.
I don't know when a real human has appeared not far from the well.
Startled for a moment, I see the moonlight, and under the moonlight, my shadow appears human-like. The next second, I flip back into the well, humans and ghosts are different. After I enter the well, I suddenly hear the sound of the well's surface being disturbed.
I'm shocked: Is it suicide? Or saving someone and accidentally harming oneself?
I think I don't understand humans, and I don't want the chance to understand them. Humans are not water spirits; they cannot escape the invasion of water, especially in a small well.
I'm at the bottom of the well, looking at the unconscious person at the bottom, seeing his soft features. Someday, he will grow into such a person, full-blooded and alive. I touch his weak pulse, but I don't know how to get him back to the surface.
Helpless and crying ——
So there is a day when I am so useless and helpless that I cry. Although, this is a good opportunity for me to return to life. But I, don't need it.
A familiar aura gradually surrounds me, and in my heart, something is lost, yet something else is gained. I'm unclear, but suddenly tense, then suddenly relaxed.
"Girl, don't cry."
I look at the source of the voice.
Years haven't seen each other, I originally thought things remained the same but people changed. Later, I realized that people remain the same, but everything changes. He is still the one willing to protect me.
But... I look at the person in the water.
Don't worry. He lightly embraces me, then enters his body. Surprisingly, he fits perfectly with "him", making me have an evil thought for the first time. I know the legend of the dark realm borrowing corpses to return to life, and he has enough ability to suppress the human soul.
Help me. He says.
Alright. I answer.
The weight of the person becomes zero, I lift them, then use my willpower to confine him inside the human body.
Farewell. I silently bid farewell in my heart. I see his struggle. If he doesn't agree, my efforts will be wasted. I only want to do my best. Finally, I send the person out, and I'm almost exhausted. In the moment I fall, I see him breaking free from my restraints, holding me, and jumping into the well...
His scolding fills my ears; he must be very angry, injuring me unintentionally to avoid being restrained.
I just...
Don't speak... He stands steady at the bottom of the well, brushing the tangled hair from my face.
Sorry, I shouldn't have lashed out at you, frightening you... He slightly frowns.
I shake my head, looking into his eyes and asking, why.
Then he smiles. He always says my smile is the poison that ensnares him, and isn't it the same for me? His indulgence is what I can't and don't want to escape from.
Don't speak, listen to me, he softly says. These years, I've thought a lot. Your urging, isn't it also a kind of bondage? While thinking about your well-being, I've also made you tired. Yes, you must be tired, I'm indeed quite annoying...
"I'm not..." I start to speak but am cut off. During this time, I've thought a lot. From now on, I'll stay with you, and no longer burden you. He quietly looks at the sky visible through the well's opening.
What about a thousand years later? I ask.
He withdraws his gaze: What about a thousand years later? Would you be unwilling to go to the void with me? He raises an eyebrow.
After not seeing you for years, you've changed quite a bit, I chuckle. He follows with a laugh: After a thousand years, what's there to fear about vanishing? Do you know, I don't care. You'd rather endure the endless toil in the dark, unwilling to disrupt human happiness, but this happiness will eventually be broken, by you, me, or anyone. We only see a small part of the human world, or perhaps, the human world is not as cruel or as beautiful as we think. You've already given up, so why should I cling to it...
Sorry...
He gently touches my lips. No sorry, just willingness. Tell me, your answer.
I remain silent.
Don't drive me away. I see the sorrow filling his face. I'm not human, I don't care about human ambitions. I just want to stay with you...
But...
No buts! He looks at me firmly, saying, these years have been hard for me too. I don't want to continue like this. I know water spirits are individuals, and reincarnation is the destination, but... He pauses, I want to break this rule, to be with you. So, for the rest of our time, please don't drive me away... He pulls me out of the well and points at the moon, saying, I want, even if we vanish, we will still coexist with the sun and moon!
"You guys..." a voice interrupts, we simultaneously turn towards the source, it's the person waking up slowly.
We, I look at Yu Ge, smiling faintly, we are eternal existences! Reincarnation and vanishing, never abandoning each other.
Yu Ge tightly holds my hand, showing a toothy grin. He turns to the person, saying to him, "We are non-existent existences, forget today, forget us!" He nods at me, and I understand. Carrying him, we walk away to the distance.
The future will be filled with light.
Though the dark realm has never been touched by sunlight, though the dark realm is just a shadow of darkness, though the water spirits in the dark realm only survive in darkness, as he said, love is an imperishable existence in the universe, and where there is love, there is light.
I believe him, because each other's life needs the warmth of the other.
The sky above remains dim.
The wind passes by my ears, carrying the murmurs of a lone person: "Is it a dream..."
The murmurs seem unreal, but they resonate in my ears, turning into a song, a song of the water spirits' dreams in the dark realm.
The sorrow of the water spirits has become a thing of the past...