Why does my husband have no "interest" in me

http://www.liaoshipin.com Speaker: Dongxue (pseudonym), female, 34 years old, teacher     The person I married was someone I met in elementary school, but we did not have a romantic relationship back then. Perhaps it was fate, after graduating and meeting again after a few years, we reconnected, eventually getting married. My impression of him had always been from our student days — he seemed introverted and steady.     We got married after dating for only half a year. In the everyday life filled with trivialities like buying groceries and cooking, I realized that our worldviews, values, and personalities were completely different. These differences led to conflicts, and we spent much of our time arguing. This disharmony severely damaged our feelings for each other, so much so that after marriage, he kept a photo of his ex-girlfriend in his wallet, which was almost like a challenge or slap to me. It wasn’t until we had a child that he replaced her photo with our child’s.     I learned that if you truly want to understand someone, don't just look at their outward behavior in society, but observe how they act in daily marital life. Despite the impression my husband gave me during our school days, he actually has a very irritable temper. Even small things can provoke him, and he doesn’t listen to anyone. Living with him is almost unbearable. I don’t know why he is this way. He told me that his parents divorced when he was in middle school, and his mother had a bad temper. In his memory, his mother was strict and terrifying. While I could somewhat understand what he went through, having grown up in a warm and harmonious family where I respected elders and was kind to others, our ways of dealing with the world are quite different.     In the later years of our marriage, we often argued fiercely. Once, my mom criticized him, and he even argued with her, leaving me feeling extremely embarrassed and even thinking I couldn’t live with him anymore. But he escalated further, and during an argument last year, he actually hit me. I couldn’t bear it anymore, and in a fit of anger, I proposed divorce, which he immediately agreed to.     That day, we went to the civil affairs bureau. Thinking about our child who would lose a complete family and parental love made me unable to stop crying. Fortunately, because of incomplete documentation, the divorce process failed, and we silently returned home. After returning home, both of us calmed down significantly, temporarily stopping the conflict. Our tempers improved slightly. Actually, I know that although my husband has many flaws, he is still a very responsible father to our child.     Thus, our lives seemed to return to normal. However, our communication became sparse, and our marital life grew unhappy, sometimes happening only every few months, and even then, it felt rushed and perfunctory. I’m sure my husband hasn’t had an affair, and there’s no physical issue with him, so why does he seem so indifferent towards me? I questioned my husband, and he said he didn’t know the reason either, just that he lost interest in "sex". I thought, if the quality of sexual life isn’t good, shouldn’t the quantity make up for it? But before bed, he either didn’t shower or took a nap. When we did have sex, it was usually late at night when time was tight, and it felt as though he was just going through the motions. I wondered, people say that sex enhances intimacy between couples, so why does it feel like our relationship gets worse every time we have sex?     [Dazhou's Review] When a man faces a woman who constantly complains, he will naturally feel annoyed, afraid, and avoid her, making it difficult for him to feel desire or passion for her. Therefore, his actions of keeping distance from you are external reactions to his psychological state.     A lack of communication between spouses, or ineffective communication, happens because you're using words instead of your heart and actions to communicate. Such communication is often aimed at achieving personal goals or convincing the other party, so it yields no results. When the other party sees through your intentions, they naturally refuse to engage. True communication isn't just verbal; it involves genuine care and consideration. A single glance or action from you can gradually penetrate their heart and open it up.     Some people believe that sex enhances marital affection, but it isn’t necessarily true. If on one hand you demand more from him, and on the other hand complain that he doesn’t meet your expectations, approaching sex with dissatisfaction, how can sexual life be harmonious and happy? Moreover, sex should occur naturally based on physical needs. If you do it for certain goals or follow a set schedule of how many times a month, you lose the intrinsic value of sex and may not achieve the desired effects. Therefore, to enjoy sex, first learn to exchange, recognize, appreciate, and respect the person who shares your sexual desires. Related articles: How most participants in the sex expo are women How most participants in the sex expo are women Ask your lower body before getting married