Article Source: Absolute 100 Marriage and Love Network Expert Online Column, Teacher Julie: Hello! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He is a good person and treats me well, but my family disagrees with our relationship because he has a lower educational level than me and comes from a rural area. They strongly oppose it, leaving no room for compromise. On the other hand, his family keeps urging us to get married. Actually, I have always been hesitant about getting married, though I can't really explain why. I just feel a lack of security. But I am afraid he will be in a difficult situation, so I think if we should get married, then let's just do it. I even thought about secretly taking my household registration book to register our marriage. We seemed to have overcome this obstacle, but now the house has become a problem.
At first, he wanted to buy a big house, which was too expensive at over 700,000 yuan. I didn't quite agree either because we would need to repay more than 400,000 yuan in loans, and his family would also have to borrow more than 300,000 yuan as down payment, making it very difficult for them. Later, we decided to buy a smaller second-hand house instead. After setting the upper limit at 500,000 yuan, we found a suitable one priced at 480,000 yuan after looking for a while. He consulted his uncle for a day, but his uncle disagreed again, saying, "My uncle found a friend's house without a property certificate, costing only over ten thousand yuan, or possibly free." This is what he told me, but I didn't quite understand what it meant. After pondering by myself, if it costs over ten thousand yuan, then it means buying it without a certificate, and the house is quite old, being a small two-bedroom apartment with an acceptable location. Although it's not ideal, I could accept it. However, if it's free, what does that mean? Is it borrowed from someone?
To be honest, I find it hard to accept borrowing a house for marriage, which makes me feel uneasy. Moreover, the main issue that comes to my mind is that since my family has always disagreed, his family later became less willing as well, fearing that we might break up in the future, wasting their time. They kept telling him that if it doesn't work out, just give up. It was he who insisted all along. This incident made me associate that perhaps his uncle fears he might lose both love and money in the future, so he came up with this plan. To be honest, I don't care much about how his family calculates, since they don't know me well and can only consider things from his perspective. I only care about him; as long as he treats me well, that's enough. But his actions made me feel like he is calculating too, and he is easily influenced. In the past, whenever his family said something, his mood would change, and he would indirectly ask me about our future plans. I'm afraid that this time his uncle might have said something, causing him to start calculating too. Anyway, this matter made me feel very insecure. Tonight, I even seriously wondered if we really have a future. I felt extremely uncomfortable and didn't want to talk to him. What should I do?
Piggy: Hello! Regarding the issue of buying a house, it is suggested that you consult a lawyer or check relevant legal articles to see what kind of protection a house without a property certificate can offer. Once these issues are clarified, then decide whether to buy such a house.
About calculation, I think everyone has the instinct to consider their own interests. Everyone's heart may have a bit of darkness and calculation. When your relationship encounters pressure and you haven't given him enough confidence, it is understandable for the other party to consider their own interests.
Moreover, unless the other party is completely a guy who likes to take advantage, generally, calculations are mutual influences: when encountering someone who calculates with oneself, one often becomes more cautious and tends to calculate back; whereas if the other party sincerely treats oneself, one will also let go of calculations and sincerely treat the other party. You might as well think positively about your boyfriend and continue to sincerely treat him. Believe that if he sees your openness and sincerity, even if he really had thoughts of calculation, he would probably feel ashamed.
Teacher Julie