* A tiger caught a cold and wanted to eat the panda. The panda cried: "You're sick, why do you want to eat me?" The tiger said: "The advertisement says that when you have a cold, you need Baijiahei (a medicine)!"
* The panda met an angry kangaroo coming out of the supermarket and asked: "What's wrong? Why are you so angry?" The kangaroo said while panting: "He doesn't allow me in, and forces me to store my bag first!"
* A new female student transferred to the class. She introduced herself: "I may not be the smartest, I may not be the most beautiful, I may not be the best... I may not be the funniest." When the classmates were praising her humility - she suddenly said: "Hello everyone, my name is Wei Bi Hui."
* In junior high school, two classmates (deskmates) started cursing each other for no reason. One cursed the other saying: "My deskmate is an idiot!" The other one got angry immediately and retorted: "Your deskmate is an idiot!" The surrounding classmates were stunned for a few seconds and then burst out laughing...
* A person was interning at a mental hospital. Suddenly, a mentally ill patient chased after him with a kitchen knife. This person turned around and ran until he reached a dead end. He thought it was all over, but the patient said: "Here's the knife, it's your turn to chase me!"
* A man went to the hospital for a cold and had to get an IV drip. The nurse quickly inserted the needle and hung the saline solution. After more than an hour, the saline was finished, and the nurse came over and replaced it with another bottle. The man was confused and asked the nurse: "Miss, the prescription only said one bottle, right?" The nurse pointed at the empty saline bottle cap and said: "Sir, you're really lucky, this bottle won! Another one!"
* One evening, my daughter and I were watching TV in the living room, and my husband was surfing the internet in the study. I was thirsty but didn't want to move, so I said: "Husband, bring me a Coke." My husband came out from the study and brought me a bottle, then went back into the study. At this moment, my five-year-old daughter shouted: "Dad, I want to drink too." My husband, annoyed, said: "Get it yourself!" The daughter hesitated for a second, then shouted: "Husband, I want to drink too."
* Xiao Ming was bad at math, so his parents transferred him to a church school. Half a year later, his math grades were all A's. The mother asked: "Is it because the nuns teach well? Is it because the textbook is good? Is it because of prayer?..." "None of them," Xiao Ming said, "On the first day of school, I saw someone nailed to the plus sign, and I knew... they're serious."
* One day during a biology exam, there was a question asking to guess the bird's name based on its legs. A student didn't know, got angry, tore up the paper, and prepared to leave the examination room. The invigilator teacher was very angry and asked him: "Which class are you from? What's your name?" The student lifted his trouser leg and said: "Guess! Guess!"
* On the road, a traffic policeman asked a female driver to show her driving license. The beauty asked what happened. The policeman said she had driven over the yellow line. The beauty hurriedly said: "What? Did I break it?"
* A boy had secretly loved a girl for a long time. One day during self-study class, the boy finally mustered up the courage to write a note to the girl, which read: "In fact, I've been noticing you for a long time." Not long after, the note was passed back, and it read: "Please don't tell the teacher, I promise I won't eat sunflower seeds in class anymore."
* Two cows were eating grass together. The green cow asked the black cow: "Hey! What does your grass taste like?" The black cow replied: "Strawberry flavor!" The green cow came over and took a bite, angrily shouting: "You tricked me!" The black cow looked down on him and replied: "Idiot, I said the grass has no taste."
* An old man retired and had nothing to do, so he taught a parrot to talk every day! Every morning, he would teach the parrot to say: "Good morning!" But after several months, the parrot still wouldn't speak. The old man was very disheartened and stopped teaching it that morning. At this moment, the parrot shouted at the old man: "Old man! Are you feeling great today? Don't even greet me?"
* In the park, a couple was being sweet. The girl pouted and said: "Husband, my tooth hurts." The boy kissed the girl and said: "Does it still hurt?" The girl said: "No." A little while later, the girl pouted again and said: "My neck hurts." Then the boy kissed the girl's neck and said: "Does it still hurt?" The girl happily said: "No." An old lady nearby couldn't help but say: "Young man, you're really amazing! Can you cure hemorrhoids?"
* The doctor said: "Go give the patient who's leaving the hospital today a sedative injection." The nurse was puzzled and asked: "He can already go home, why give him a sedative?" The doctor said: "It's time to settle the bill, I'm afraid he won't be able to handle it!"
* A millionaire was told he had a terminal illness and only half a year left. Feeling sad, he found a hitman and asked to be killed when he was happiest. A few days later, the millionaire received a misdiagnosis notice. Just as he was laughing happily, he was killed by the hitman.
* The only difference between a friend and an assassin is: An assassin stabs you in the back, and you turn around and painfully say: "Ah, who are you?" -- A friend stabs you in the back, and you turn around and surprisingly say: "Ah, it's you!"
* The other day, I broke up with my girlfriend, and we agreed never to see each other again. The next day, I checked my mobile monthly subscription and found we still had 499 minutes of point-to-point call package left. So I sent her a text message: "We still have 499 minutes of our couples' call package left. How about we just make it through this month and break up next month?" She replied: "Right, we can't let China Mobile profit from this."
* Several little boys pooled over ten yuan to buy a toy, but they didn't know what to buy. One suggested: "Let's buy sanitary napkins!" Everyone was confused and asked why. The boy said, "I don't know either, but the TV says with it, you can climb mountains, slide on water, play ball, skate, and have happiness without worries."