"Sometimes, when she makes mistakes, I just raise my hand and she covers her eyes in fear. I think I shouldn't always hit her, but when I try to reason with her, she doesn't listen at all. Before I finish explaining, she runs off somewhere else. Or she just says, 'Okay, Mom, I know, I won't do it again.' But afterwards, she continues to make the same mistakes, and once one mistake is corrected, new ones appear." Mrs. Wang was very troubled.
The mother should reflect on whether she was too approving when the child was two or three years old, such as laughing when the child was being cunning, or happily telling others about it in front of her. The child might think that her mother likes her to do this and is praising her. Once this idea forms, even if the child really tells a lie later, she may not think she is lying. This behavior is a way for her to seek praise and support.
After hearing about YaYa's story, Ms. Jiao Ying from the Mental Health Education Center of Changchun No.2 Experimental Middle School believed that the child's behavior also reflected some incorrect aspects in the parents' education. Don't assume all of the child's behaviors are lies. If you always think she is lying and criticize her by often saying "you are a child who loves to lie", the child will label herself as "I am a person who loves to lie". In the future, she will have a low evaluation of herself.
After getting beaten, YaYa can ensure that she won't make any mistakes for a week, but after a week, she will definitely continue to make mistakes.
When YaYa changed the answers, her mother thought it was clever.
Last year, YaYa started primary school. One day she came back and said, "Mom, my classmates copied my answers, so I got everything wrong."
She educated YaYa at that time and became worried, feeling that her child's thoughts were starting to go astray.
After getting beaten, YaYa didn't change her mistakes. Once, when Mrs. Wang was organizing the bag, she found a math exam paper with only 60 points. It had her signature on it, clearly written by YaYa. She didn't say anything and went to ask other parents the next day, only to find out that the teacher required parents to sign on the test papers.
The child did what she should do. For the child's small progress, parents should be happy but not overly exaggerated. A hug or a pat on the head is enough. The intensity of praise should not be too high. If she does one thing well, you reward her five times. When she does five things well, she will expect ten rewards. When she does ten things well, she will expect a hundred rewards. Her increasing demands may be something the parents cannot meet.
Punishment should be followed by guidance
Ms. Jiao said that when the mother educates her child, she should promptly correct the child's mistakes and punish her accordingly. Although this mother is very strict and beats her child when she makes mistakes, her punishment is not scientific enough. After punishing, there should be subsequent guidance. When the child gets into trouble, she dares not tell her parents. The mother should imagine how anxious and uneasy the child must feel at that moment. Children will inevitably make mistakes, but if they are beaten every time they make a mistake, they will choose to escape responsibility through lies.
Internet discussion: How to educate a 7-year-old girl who intentionally gives her desk-mate wrong answers?
Mrs. Wang was busy with work, so she left her daughter under the care of her aunt. Once, before going to work, she gave YaYa a few math problems, all simple addition and subtraction, written in pencil. When she checked the homework, she found that YaYa had changed the questions. For example, 15+11, she probably felt it was difficult, so she changed it to 15-11. She thought her daughter was smart and laughed, saying, "How can such a young child be so cunning?"
Mrs. Wang started paying attention to her daughter's changes and found that her daughter was increasingly fond of lying and could do so without changing her expression.
The mother's narrative
During the winter vacation homework period, she gave her daughter 10 pages of oral calculation cards every day, specifying that one side counted as one page. However, YaYa told her aunt, "My mom said both sides count as two pages."
Experts' analysis
You should use scientific educational methods, affirm the child's correct behavior, establish correct thinking patterns, encourage the child to admit mistakes, and give certain affirmation when the child admits mistakes.
"Don't over-affirm children when they are being cunning"
Many people say, "Good children are praised out," and she expressed that praise should be controlled. For example, if the mother is cooking in the kitchen and the child does something worthy of praise, you can stop what you're doing and say to her, "Come here, let me kiss you, you've done well." This is better than not even turning your head and saying to the child, "You've done an excellent job, I'll buy you something good tomorrow."
One day, she asked YaYa to write 10 pages of oral calculation cards. After finishing, YaYa even said she wrote an extra page. When checking, she found that YaYa used the homework finished the previous day to deceive her. The previous day's homework was supervised by her aunt, checked, and marked with a pencil checkmark. YaYa erased the checkmark and changed the date.
Intentionally writing wrong answers for the desk-mate to copy
Not doing well on exams and forging parental signatures
YaYa denied lying, and Mrs. Wang got angry and pinched her, making her confess.
If you have successful experiences in educating your child or have the same confusion as Mrs. Wang, please call our newspaper hotline: 0431-96618. New Culture Daily reporter Zhang Nan.
Mrs. Wang married for 10 years before having YaYa. To take care of her daughter, she didn't work for 5 years. YaYa was very active and everyone praised her for being "smart". One day, YaYa said she intentionally wrote wrong answers for her classmate to copy. Mrs. Wang found her daughter lying several times. She beat and scolded her, but her daughter continued to be cunning. She began to worry that her daughter seemed to be "going astray".
Mrs. Wang felt she had never spoiled her child. Every time YaYa made a mistake, she would criticize her, sometimes even hitting her.
"When I deliberately do it, after he copies, I secretly change it back, so the teacher sees the correct answers." YaYa's words shocked her. How could such a young child have such a calculating mind?
Ms. Jiao believed that for children who like to be cunning, instead of saying "you're so smart", parents can say "you're a serious child" or "you're very persistent".
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