I have never met my maternal grandparents.
Since I was young, I have always envied those children who have their paternal or maternal grandparents around. I admire their happy looks being spoiled by the elders. Sometimes, I even dreamt about a vague image of my grandfather or grandmother, maternal grandfather or grandmother, but due to the lack of impression, these dreams become fragmented.
Yes, it was indeed a beautiful dream, so beautiful that there was no possibility of it coming true.
Sharing this beautiful dream with me might be my mother, my mother who lost her parents too early.
After my maternal grandfather passed away, my mother was forced to stop her high school education and returned to the countryside for labor. Then she got married, became a teacher, had children, and began an extremely bumpy and miserable life journey.
Not long after my maternal grandfather's death, Tan Shigui, who was from the same generation as my mother and uncle, and worked on pulling boats at the Hanfeng dock in Kaixian county, returned to his hometown and started to intentionally or unintentionally interact with my maternal grandmother, wanting to replace my maternal grandfather's position.
My mother absolutely refused. In my mother's view, my maternal grandfather's death was directly related to the false information conveyed by Tan Shigui.
Or rather, in my mother's eyes, my maternal grandfather was even killed by Tan Shigui. How could such a man become her stepfather?
When I was very young, I naturally could not understand why my mother hated Tan Shigui so much. It wasn't until I lost my father twice that I finally understood my mother's feelings back then.
Moreover, my maternal grandfather was so good to my mother, only encouraging her. He never scolded or hit her. In my mother's mind, my real maternal grandfather was a towering, iron-willed yet tender-hearted true man.
Due to my mother's strong opposition, at least before my mother got married, my maternal grandmother remained single.
After my mother got married and later became a civilian teacher at the Hujia Village Primary School in Yuxi District of Kaixian County, the situation changed immediately.
One year, after the school summer vacation, my mother hurriedly returned to her mother's house to visit her maternal grandmother.
Before reaching the door, my mother vaguely felt something was wrong.
When she saw her maternal grandmother and that man named Tan Shigui working together in the field from afar, my mother knew that what she had been worried about had finally happened: Tan Shigui had become her stepfather and the new grandfather of the children.
Even though the deed was done, my mother, who was gentle yet firm, did not give up her stance and had a big argument with her maternal grandmother. She reluctantly stayed for one night, eating only a small bowl of rice, and left her maternal grandmother's house the next morning on an empty stomach, rarely stepping into this house again.
When my mother cried and left her maternal grandmother's house, my older and younger uncles cried out "Sister don't go" and "Sister come back". But my mother did not look back, walking so resolutely and decisively.
I didn't expect that my mother, who has always been kind and gentle in my memory, could be so strong and resolute.
From that day on, my mother completely fell out with her maternal grandmother, ignoring her later stepfather and rarely visiting her maternal grandmother's house.
My maternal grandmother also felt sorry for her eldest daughter and would often run to our house. But no matter how she begged, my mother stuck to two principles: she would not return to her mother's house, and she would not allow her stepfather Tan Shigui to visit our home.
When my maternal grandmother passed away, my mother cried uncontrollably, but her hatred still did not subside, and Tan Shigui still had no chance to visit our home as a relative.
It wasn't until my biological father suddenly passed away that the situation improved somewhat.
My biological father Li Liangsheng passed away in May 1980. That year, I was only six years old, knowing nothing; that year, my mother was less than forty years old, in her prime.
Due to her husband's sudden death, my mother gradually understood the difficulties and choices her maternal grandmother faced back then. Because in the rural areas where large families were still common, it was extremely difficult for a widowed woman to raise several children.
Because of this, my mother's resentment towards her maternal grandmother gradually subsided, and she gradually accepted her stepfather.
My mother insisted on not returning to her mother's house, but this did not affect her deep affection with her two younger brothers. When my biological father passed away, my older uncle came to help with the arrangements and stayed awake for three days and nights, almost collapsing from exhaustion.
Four months after my biological father's death, my maternal grandfather Tan Shigui visited his eldest daughter's home for the first time to celebrate my mother's fortieth birthday.
In our hometown, there is such a custom: when the family encounters misfortune, the younger male or female head of the household can celebrate their birthday grandly if they are a multiple of ten, regardless of their age, with the intention of bringing good luck.
Although my mother eventually allowed Tan Shigui to visit, she still insisted on not returning to her mother's house.
In my mother's view, although her maternal grandmother was already gone, her stepfather was still there, and the joy of losing her biological father was not far behind.
This stepfather whom she had never recognized and even harbored resentment against, my mother did not plan to truly forgive and fully accept at that time.
The real turning point came two years after my biological father's death and after my mother remarried.
At the beginning of my biological father's death, my mother also thought about raising the five children alone until they grew up.
But this was really too difficult, plus some neighbors' intentional or unintentional embarrassment or bullying, which forced my mother to choose Li Qizhong, an unmarried man from a neighboring village who was thirteen years younger than her, allowing us several children to have a stepfather, a great man who was deeply grateful to us siblings.
In others' disdainful glances and sarcastic remarks, my mother remarried and thoroughly understood the difficulties and choices her maternal grandmother faced back then. With repeated persuasion from our stepfather, my mother decided to accept her stepfather.
Soon, Grandpa Tan Shigui led his two sons to build a new house and moved in happily. My mother and stepfather followed the rural customs and sent congratulatory gifts, entering the maternal home's gate for the first time in nearly twenty years.
By this time, my maternal grandmother had been dead for many years, and Grandpa Tan Shigui was also old and sick.
From then on, my mother began to call Grandpa Tan Shigui "Dad" like her older and younger uncles, conscientiously performing the duties and filial piety of a daughter.
I do have memories of this maternal grandfather. He was very good to us grandchildren and daughters-in-law, always daring to act towards my mother, fearing offending this distinctive eldest daughter.
Tiangao Yandan
February 3, 2012, 6:37 AM in Shenyang