"If you want him to be successful, send him abroad for study." In recent years, sending children abroad for further study seems to have become the ultimate goal and inevitable choice for many parents in raising their children. Is going abroad always a good thing? Recently, two violent attacks by Chinese international students have exposed the drawbacks of the trend of sending children abroad. Not everyone is suited to leave their homeland and study hard in a foreign country. Yesterday, I interviewed Chinese international students who had studied in Japan for 10 years and psychology experts. They both worriedly mentioned the psychological problems they had seen among international students, warning parents who have already or are preparing to send their children abroad not to take studying abroad lightly. Emptying one's savings to send a child abroad may not necessarily be a good thing. If the child has already gone abroad, it is necessary to pay attention to the way of communication with them.
Pressure comes from four aspects
Shen Jingjing has been studying in Japan for 10 years. She went to Japan for further study after graduating from university and is now pursuing her Ph.D. at Nagoya University. When our reporter went to Japan to cover the earthquake, she served as an interpreter voluntarily. She introduced that the pressure on Chinese students studying in Japan came from four aspects.
● Language
"Some children take studying abroad very lightly. Their foreign language scores are generally average, thinking that their foreign language skills will improve once they communicate with foreigners abroad, but it is not actually the case," Miss Shen said. It is difficult to integrate into Japanese social groups and make friends with locals if one's language skills are poor.
● Study
Japanese teachers have relatively strict requirements. If students do poorly on exams, teachers will unhesitatingly give "failures". Some students take several years to pass entrance exams. Moreover, the learning methods in Japan are different, emphasizing independent learning. Students accustomed to teacher-assigned learning styles in China easily struggle to adapt. Additionally, students from less affluent families often work part-time jobs to reduce the burden on their families, neglecting their studies and performing poorly, which adds to the stress.
● Life
"There indeed exists some discrimination against Chinese international students in Japan," Miss Shen said. She once heard Chinese international students say they were discriminated against while working part-time jobs, with some Japanese people being rude to them. "If you don't take it seriously, it's fine, but if you consider it discrimination, it can cause significant psychological pressure."
● Parents
Miss Shen particularly emphasized that when she interacted with many Chinese international students, she found that their purposes for studying abroad were unclear. Some children might not even want to go abroad but were forced to by their parents. She said that in her school, there was such a student who returned to China after staying in Japan for half a year, leaving a letter for the teacher. "This student still had personality, more children could only continue their overseas studies. Such young international students, after finishing language school, often don't know what major to pursue next, nor whether to work or continue studying after graduation, leading to a sense of aimlessness. At this time, they also face constant pressure from their parents."
Narrow channels for psychological counseling
Miss Shen introduced that she hadn't heard of any Chinese international students around her seeking psychological counseling. Her Nagoya University has a psychological counseling office for all students, but there are no Chinese counselors. However, if Chinese international students need help, they can contact through the school's international student counseling center with the assistance of a teacher as a translator.
The Chinese International Student Association at the school is not very active, only playing a role in special circumstances, such as when an international student gets into a traffic accident in Japan, helping relatives who come to Japan deal with various matters. There are few activities normally, hosting one or two get-togethers a year.
"The living conditions of international students are closely related to the schools they attend and their surrounding environment," she said. Each school pays varying degrees of attention to international students. "At my Nagoya University, there is a dedicated international student counseling center where international students can seek help anytime. The center regularly arranges lectures and activities for international students, introducing Japanese history, society, and culture, increasing communication between international students and local students. It also helps international students connect with volunteer teams of Japanese students. These teams voluntarily help international students learn Japanese, allowing them to stay in local families for a day or two to experience Japanese culture," Miss Shen said, feeling that these activities are quite useful.
Some schools just recruit international students to supplement their enrollment sources, paying less attention to various aspects of international students' needs.
Making more friends would be much better
Dr. Ye Bin from East China Normal University's Psychological Counseling Center said that when he was a visiting scholar at a foreign university, he met some international students and indeed felt the issues of high psychological pressure and lack of release channels.
"Some people can adapt to new environments, while others cannot, especially those with weaker self-management and life skills," Dr. Ye said. Some students lock themselves in their dorms all day, online, skipping classes; others wander aimlessly outside.
Dr. Ye learned that many people do not tell their families about these situations. He analyzed that, on the one hand, international students tend to report good news and hide bad news, not wanting their parents to worry; on the other hand, Chinese parents are prone to criticism, and children feel that telling them might lead to scolding, making them even more unhappy.
Dr. Ye said that when feeling down, having someone to share with would help a lot. It's best to make friends locally and build a good psychological support system.
Proactively understand local culture
"Studying abroad, it's important to quickly adapt to the local culture," Dr. Ye said. For example, Eastern cultures are more reserved, liking to hint when needing help, while Westerners are straightforward. Plus, they think everyone is independent, if you don't directly ask for help, they assume you don't need it. If you don't understand the local culture, you might think they are cold, but if you ask, they will help if they can.
Dr. Ye reminded: "When arriving at a completely new place, actively understand the behavior patterns of the locals rather than passively waiting."
Another method is to seek professional help, and there are many such psychological help institutions abroad. Especially in countries with large Chinese populations, you can find consultants familiar with Chinese culture. "Because under cultural differences, even if you seek professional help, the other party may not understand you, making you even more frustrated."
Parents should provide psychological support
"Not everyone is suitable to go abroad, especially those with poor language skills." Dr. Ye indicated that if the destination has fewer Chinese people or even though there are many Chinese, everyone is busy striving without spare capacity to care for each other, then strong language skills to facilitate communication with the outside world are particularly important.
Family economic conditions are also an important factor. If the family's financial situation is decent and the child feels that failing to graduate is okay, the relative pressure will be much smaller; if the parents use up their lifetime savings to send the child abroad for study, the child's burden will be heavy, feeling that they've spent so much money from home yet still fail to meet the family's expectations.
The psychological support provided by parents is very important. If the child has poor psychological quality, then when communicating with them, attention must be paid to the way of communication. Some children are extroverted and don't care about parental criticism, while others are sensitive and introverted. "To hear the truth from your child, don't immediately criticize them when they start talking, as this greatly hinders communication quality." (Reported by: Jiang Yan)