The Girl Is 28 This Year
After the Spring Festival, you will be 28. On the second day of the New Year, while I was washing dishes in the kitchen, my mother mentioned that she was afraid to say: "Liping's child is already three years old, and Liu Min's child is already in kindergarten..." In a panic, I hastily wiped my hands and fled from the kitchen.
My father was watching TV in the living room, and my two younger sisters had been called away by their respective boyfriends. The house was cold and quiet, not at all like it was during the Spring Festival. It was just me facing my parents alone again. At these times, they either ask me roundabout questions about my recent news or earnestly persuade me not to be so picky, telling me to settle for someone who's okay. For my marriage, for me to get married as soon as possible, they have worried a lot, but I am unambitious. I am already 28 this year and still haven't found a partner.
A few years ago, my parents never would have imagined that their supposedly smart and likable eldest daughter would become an unmarried old maid. I also used to imagine a day when I would sit on a high throne like an empress, with a handsome prince kneeling before me, holding roses and pulling at the hem of my dress, saying: "Ah, dear maiden, you are the princess in my heart, you are my empress, please marry me." Who would have thought that now I am almost 28, and no one has proposed to me, let alone held my hand. I am eager to get married but can't find a partner. All I do every day is go on blind dates, and I've practically become a professional at it. Finding a partner has even become my second career.
From the initial blushes and palpitations to the current numbness, tall or short, fat or thin, handsome or ugly, poor or rich, outgoing or introverted, capable or honest, I've met people of all kinds of personalities, types, and professions, but none of them seem suitable for marriage. Among these people, some liked me but I didn't like them; some I liked but they didn't like me; and others neither of us liked each other.
I clearly remember my first blind date. After spending three hours in front of the mirror, I followed my mother to the matchmaker's house, my face red, heart pounding, and legs trembling. I walked back and forth on the street in front of the matchmaker's house three times before calming down enough to enter the house and meet the young teacher. Although I didn't like his height of less than 175 cm, I was still very nervous. When the matchmaker offered him a cigarette, he declined, and when the matchmaker offered me sunflower seeds, I also declined. Even though this happened ten years ago, I'm still going on blind dates. Now, blind dating has become something I'm quite familiar with. I can go out to meet someone without combing my hair or washing my face after receiving a call from the matchmaker, then return to work. By evening, when the matchmaker calls to ask how it went, I might only then remember that I went on a blind date at noon.
People who have introduced me to others think I'm too picky, but I feel wronged. I don't seek great wealth or high positions, I just want someone who shares my ideals and feelings mutually. But finding such a person is difficult. A few years ago, friends who were in the same situation as me found partners through various means, invited me to their weddings, and then disappeared one by one. Now, I am truly the last one left, a real iron rod bachelor, without a boyfriend or girlfriend. I once visited their homes, but seeing their sweet affection or happily hugging their children made me feel sour inside, so I stopped visiting. I eagerly long for and dream of my fate arriving soon, so I can have my own family and my own person. But I wait day after day, year after year, and now I am 28, still waiting for my fate, leading me to often doubt whether fate really exists.
A few days ago, I read an article that deeply touched me. The article said that from an economic perspective, emotional issues are also about weighing benefits. Love and marriage, like other human behaviors, seek tangible gains, requiring rational choices and conforming to the rational analysis of maximizing economic utility. Furthermore, life is a beautiful product. God gives us bodies, beauty, wisdom, and time, which are resources. How to allocate these resources, women should instinctively consider, economically and carefully calculating their lives.
I feel that if following this view, I have wasted the resources God gave me and haven't calculated my life well. Why? Because when girls are in their early twenties, it's the time to look for a partner when they are youthful and beautiful, and there are plenty of options. If I had realized earlier that fate isn't practical and carefully selected, I would definitely have found a good match. Now that I've finally understood these beautiful life ideals, the good matches have already been taken by others. Time has passed, seasons have changed, and I am no longer young, full of worries. Even if I encounter a good match now, would they choose me? No matter how excellent I am inside, compared to the tender eighteen-year-old me, I am rich in hidden beauty, musical beauty, and inner beauty. But old oxen like young grass, and young ones don't like old grass. Those who know me and once admired me are mostly my peers, and most of them are already married. Among those left for me to date, how many can instantly recognize my greatness and see my supreme soul through my ordinary appearance? And if there is such a person, would I even like them?
Because of this, I often lament and regret for myself, feeling like a luxurious fashion piece that, despite its fine craftsmanship and quality, wasn't sold due to unreasonable pricing. Now outdated, it can only be sold at a discount. Sometimes when I go on blind dates, I even feel like a high-end item being sold at a low price. Whenever I see my peers going out in pairs, I feel left behind and imagine what my parents say: stop being picky, settle for someone decent. But love isn't something that can be forced or compromised.
And so, I waited year after year, hoping day after day, but my love bird never came.
A few years ago, when I was in my prime, I had a bit of charm and some admirers around me. But who knew that youth and beauty are like dog tails, they turn yellow and wither quickly. My skin is no longer rosy, replaced by spots and wrinkles. Plus, I don't spend much on grooming, so now I may not be ugly, but I am certainly someone hard to find in a crowd. My looks may not be as good, but love in my heart remains beautiful. Chasing fashionable love with an unattractive appearance seems inappropriate now. Last Spring Festival, my mother warned me: if I don't find a partner soon, I'll be too old to marry. I assured her that I wouldn't spend next Spring Festival with her. But two plans have passed, and this year, I am still single, having to live with my parents. Last Spring Festival, I secretly vowed to marry this year, but the year ended fruitlessly, not even meeting anyone seriously. Among my colleagues, there is a girl one year younger than me, also unmarried, with similar conditions to mine. The difference is that she has many lovers, changing every ten to fifteen days, earning her the nickname "Half-Month Talk" among colleagues. Initially, I disapproved of her, but now I understand why. Through my own experiences, I realized that "Half-Month Talk" is not easy. It requires charm, courage, and magnanimity. If someone called me "Half-Month Talk," I would die of anger, but when she heard it, she said: "Not half-month talk, weekly issue now." Hearing her words, I realized how open-minded and broad-hearted she was. Therefore, as an older youth, she had a better mindset, wasn't as anxious as me, and didn't suffer as much as me. When I heard her jokingly call herself "weekly issue," I laughed beside her. But recently, I heard a tongue-twister that made me realize that "Half-Month Talk" might be advanced or not, but I was definitely behind the times because the tongue-twister said: "In the 2000s, love accelerates, from love to breakup within a week. Monday sparks fly, Tuesday falls in love, Wednesday goes to bed, Friday gets sick of it, Saturday kicks them out, Sunday seeks new love." Anything that turns into a tongue-twister must have become widespread.
Given that I couldn't even find a potential partner last year, and given that I realize how far behind the times I am, I decided to change my mindset and direction completely. I need to appropriately absorb a bit of the spirit of "Half-Month Talk," not to become a "weekly issue," but at least have one or two people to talk to. For this, I patiently sat down and carefully analyzed the reasons why I am left over. I found, besides believing in fate, there are the following points:
One, I have been negatively influenced too much by my grandmother and mother and corrected their mistakes too much. Because when they looked for partners, they were too trendy. My grandmother consulted several fortune-tellers to choose a partner by drawing lots and looking at eight characters, and eventually chose a short-lived ghost; my mother, according to the fashion at the time, insisted on finding someone with good social status, and finally found the best representative of the poorest peasants, arguing with him for most of her life. Then there is my aunt, who was a farmer but, because she was pretty when young, insisted on finding a worker, and eventually lived a much better life than farmers for a long time. But now, all four members of her family are unemployed, making survival problematic. Therefore, my grandmother often laments her bad luck, but I think she resembles a mouse marrying a daughter. Next, it was my turn to find a partner. I didn't want to be shortsighted like them, so I resolved to establish my worldview and criteria for choosing a partner with a historical, developmental, dialectical, materialistic perspective. Therefore, I set two rules for myself: 1. Don't look for someone too trendy, 2. Don't look for someone too popular. Thus, when diplomas were popular a few years ago, I deliberately avoided those with diplomas; when money worship became fashionable these years, I deliberately avoided rich people, losing many opportunities.
Two, always wanting to find someone I feel a connection with at first sight, or someone who looks familiar, like I've seen them in a dream or knew them in a previous life, but how easy is that? A face you've never seen, a stranger you know nothing about, looks familiar, indeed a little hard.
Three, always wanting to find someone who treats me like a treasure, loves and spoils me selflessly like my parents. If I were seventeen or eighteen, maybe someone would spoil me, but now at this age, nearing thirty, even grandma doesn't care, let alone others. Clearly, this idea is unrealistic.
I believe that because of the above reasons, I have become the wheat in autumn, the beans in winter.
Now that the reasons are clear and the thoughts are sorted out, I am determined to change my thinking, shift my concept, abandon the previous irrational, impractical, and aimless methods of finding a partner, and instead use scientific, rational, and economic methods to choose a partner.
According to normal people's views, this might be a bit too much, but I think it will definitely be more efficient and have a higher hit rate. You know, a 28-year-old girl talking about romance and feelings is already somewhat unrealistic.
With the goal clear and the direction set, we'll see how this year goes. My first plan is: move out, it will be better to leave my parents. First, more freedom in action. If I go out for a meeting or a date at night, I don't have my parents' eyes following me, and I don't have to worry about the time when I come back. Second, more freedom in dressing. If I want to wear a small strapless dress or a small tank top, I don't have to worry about what my parents will say. Third, I won't have to watch my two younger sisters dressed up beautifully every day going on dates, which makes me anxious every day. Fourth, without nagging and urging, I can stop aging, and my parents don't have to argue because of me. Because a few times, when my mother got upset, she blamed me for not finding a partner because my father spoiled me too much, and then argued with the peasant representative again. Whether I find a partner or not has nothing to do with whether the peasant representative spoils me or not. She is angry because she cannot arrange my marriage or force me to find a partner, so she gets angry.
The Spring Festival passed quickly, spring arrived, even the birds were in love, ants cohabited, flies were pregnant, butterflies remarried, and frogs had children. I found a one-bedroom apartment, disregarding my parents' advice, and moved in without hesitation. Initially, I did feel quiet, but soon, I felt another kind of sadness, the emptiness and loneliness of facing four walls alone after work, the solitude of having no one to talk to, especially after dusk, seeing couples walking hand in hand regardless of age, either confidently strolling in the middle of the street or sneaking into the bushes on the side, I felt my loneliness even more. Especially those teenagers still carrying schoolbags sneaking into the bushes, they made me shed tears. People start dating at seventeen or eighteen, but I am twenty-seven or twenty-eight and have never dated. Every time I feel this way, I feel the heavens are unfair, and I am useless, just like that old spinster woman I know. That woman is over forty, because she read too many romantic novels when young, she could never find a partner, and later her temper became strange. Men who got close to her, she accused of ulterior motives and trying to take advantage of her. If she encountered difficulties and men tried to help her, she would scold them. Therefore, she is nearly fifty and still unmarried, and does not interact with others. She has thus become a well-known figure in the neighborhood. I feel like I am like her, abnormal and unnatural. Chopsticks come in pairs, gloves and shoes come in pairs, bottles don't need to pair up but must fit with caps, bowls don't need to pair up but must fit with spoons. God created things so they don't exist alone in the world, but I have violated natural laws. It's not that I want to violate them, but God hasn't taken care of me. Am I willing to be bitten by anxiety and loneliness every day, accompanied by solitude and helplessness every night?
Recently, I have been extremely uncomfortable, feeling the whole world is celebrating except for me, because Lin Ping also got married. Lin Ping is my colleague and friend, three years older than me, 31 this year. Because she was hurt emotionally in the past, she swore she would never marry and had no regrets. Lin Ping has always been my comfort and bottom line. Whenever my parents urged me or relatives asked me, I thought: Lin Ping is over 30 and not in a hurry, why should I be? But who would have thought that even Lin Ping would get married, and so suddenly. From meeting to understanding took only a month, and she left me, her ally, behind. At her wedding, she wore white lace and heavy makeup with crow's feet, smiling at me and saying: "Come visit me often." I nodded, but inside I was so sour I almost cried. Once a woman gets married, she ascends to the clouds. Afterwards, she is either busy building a nest or laying eggs, and who cares about female colleagues anymore? I already knew this, so from now on, Sundays have no place to go. I mourned silently, wishing I could find someone today and marry tomorrow.
Lin Ping's marriage made me unable to recover, making me feel truly abandoned by society, left behind, and eliminated by people. Always proud, I now have feelings of inferiority. Father says: why do you look so dejected and old all the time? Mother says: where has your cleverness gone? Actually, if it weren't for parents and friends saying: you're so old, you should hurry up and find someone, or you'll be too old soon, I wouldn't be like this. Personally, I don't think I am that old, at least I am still in my twenties, not thirties. Just because you're not married, just because you're 28 and have no partner, you're automatically labeled as an old maid, even set as an example. One time, my neighbor scolded her eight-year-old daughter saying: "Don't end up like Ah Xiang, unable to find a partner and become an old maid." Who knew that the child repeated this to my mother, hurting her deeply. During that time, I really wanted to stamp my foot and go south. Newspapers report that there are many in Shanghai and Shenzhen who never marry, how do they live? Zhengzhou isn't that remote, how backward are people's thoughts? Since then, I have believed that my pressure comes from societal expectations, but later, when homosexuality appeared around me and people could accept it calmly, when I increasingly felt lonely and isolated, I realized that marriage is not only a social phenomenon but also a natural need. I have violated natural laws, which is a bit peculiar and unconventional. Thinking of the ancient saying: men should marry when grown, women should marry when grown, I put all my energy back into finding a partner.
The TV station hosted a program similar to "Rose Appointment," and I hurriedly signed up. Unfortunately, the phone I was using broke just when they notified me for the interview. By the time I learned about it and rushed over, they said: "Too late, next time." But next time never came. Seeing the matrimonial advertisements in the newspaper covering entire pages, I was tempted. Hardly finding another desperate to marry like me, I gathered courage and sneaked like a spy to a nearby matchmaking agency called "Wait a Thousand Years." It was better than I expected. Checking the data, I was shocked. Bachelor's degrees were everywhere, even Ph.D.s and returned overseas students. These conditions made me feel unworthy, but then I thought otherwise. Although marriage has never been a purely personal matter and has always been linked to power, status, family background, and wealth, actually writing it openly and shouting that they have cars, houses, companies, and substantial income seeking a beautiful companion, was the first time I actually encountered this. Watching this, I couldn't help but feel a bit repulsed. Truly, in this vast world, anything is possible. Isn't this openly using cars and houses rather than themselves to lure beauties? What's the difference between this method of finding a partner and fishing with bait? How boring! Complaining like this, I remembered what others often said about scams and fake daters, and I began to doubt the truthfulness of these words. Doubting like this, I still paid the fee and registered, holding a sliver of hope. Like seeking medical help for any illness, they say there are many frauds here, but even with many frauds, one must still venture into the mountain.
The young matchmaker gave me a code: 4321, saying that when I come here, I don't have to use my name, this code is my name. This suited me well. It seemed they understood us, knowing we are undercover agents here, afraid of acquaintances, afraid of leaks, knowing we sacrifice our personal dignity and money for the great, immortal cause of love.
Dates came quickly, and I basically attended every one. But soon I found that the people they recommended were like sand and mud mixed together, all kinds of people. After working for a while with no results, I was greatly troubled and told them that from now on, I would only initiate meetings, and they shouldn't let others initiate meetings with me. So, life became quiet again.