He is a younger cousin of a girl I know, but we've never met face to face. I don't know if he's tall or short, fat or thin, handsome or not; I've never even heard his voice, so I don't know if it's smooth and melodious, whether each word he speaks is like a pearl. Apart from exchanging two or three text messages on the phone every day, there has been no other interaction between us. Maybe because of his loneliness and boredom, he would find me for idle chat. That's what I always thought.
I, who am emotionally detached, clearly know that I have no feelings for him. And such a person as him, in my heart, only leaves a vague name, yet I still communicate with him via text messages quite earnestly. Perhaps it's because I'm too lonely, I always console myself this way.
Recently, he kept asking me what I was doing. I told him I was embroidering cross-stitch. He then asked me, "Don't you feel lonely by yourself? Why don't you talk to people?" At that time, I could only relieve my inner loneliness by embroidering cross-stitch when I was already feeling bitter. Under his care that made me disordered once he showed concern, I became more miserable and felt even sorrier for myself. Self-deceived, I felt that all my efforts to maintain the tranquility of my heart were completely disturbed by his few words. At that time, I really resented him, hating that his concern was superfluous, let alone the fact that I had just mentioned to him not long ago that I had started a new job and rented a small room by myself. And he... I even suspected whether his concern carried any mockery or ridicule towards me.
I really couldn't bear his kind of concern. My stubborn temper flared up at the time, and I replied to him with an intimidating tone in a text message, "I've already told you before, I haven't been in this company for long, I don't know anyone. So I'm very disappointed by the questions you ask. I don't appreciate your concern. I hope you won't mind my honesty."
He probably realized his rashness and sincerely apologized to me, educating about child-rearing. His apology was within my expectations, but I felt guilty for my impulsive mistake. People encounter dissatisfaction nine times out of ten, thus choosing another way of life. I shouldn't vent my bitterness and dissatisfaction on an unrelated person. Maybe he really didn't know and was just concerned about me. Is my anger just because he doesn't pay attention to me?
Yesterday he asked me, "Why haven't you embroidered cross-stitch lately?" I said, "My mood has been bad these two days, so I go to bed early." He said, "You, don't keep unpleasant things in your heart all the time. People should be happy and positive, that way they will stay young forever!" I said, "Who can understand the suffering in someone else's heart? Anyone can say big truths, when we celebrate your 60th birthday, but whether one can truly achieve that is another matter. A person without emotions becomes a sage. I can't do that!"
His words moved me again, and I felt a myriad of emotions in my heart. My heart was in turmoil. I even don't know anything about him—his character, background, family, or anything else. I've never known, and I've never tried to know, turning a simple matter into a complicated one. And I've never sincerely cared about him, just being relatively honest in replying to his text messages.
What should I do with such a person? Should I consider him a friend, or...
After thinking about it, I decided to let things take their natural course, convert mkv to blu-ray, perhaps everything is just self-created trouble for nothing.