Several hilarious slips of the tongue in 2009: As the year went on, funny slips of the tongue kept happening. Take a look at these examples, and pay attention to the meaning of the last one. HOHO.
A buddy got married, and I gave him a red envelope. The guy politely said it wasn't necessary.
I said: "How could that be? It only happens once a year; you must take it."
Once I borrowed money from someone, originally intending to say "I'll pay you back when I withdraw some money," but I ended up saying "I'll take you when I have money."
Sweat.
A classmate's name was Yu Jingbo. One day he received a letter, and the dormitory gatekeeper loudly called out at the dormitory entrance: "Dry cold noodles! Dry cold noodles' letter!"
Our Chinese teacher: "Please turn your books to page seventy yuan." The whole class was dazed, and later this teacher earned the nickname "Money Lover" haha.
Once, a friend was watching a disc at home, and the quality of the disc wasn't good. The friend said: "There are so many Marxes here." After a while, he realized he meant "mosaics!"
In junior high school, we did role readings of "The White-Haired Girl." A male student (playing Yang Bailao): "Buy two pounds of red ribbon, tie it for my daughter Xier..."
Teacher: "It's not like wrapping a mummy..."
When I bought food, I stubbornly pointed at the cauliflower and said: "I'll have some potatoes." The aunt asked: "Cauliflower?" I continued pointing at the cauliflower and said: "Potatoes." The aunt asked again: "Is it potatoes or cauliflower?" I got flustered and said: "Isn't this potato... uh, cauliflower?" Thinking about it now still makes me want to cry blood. Sorry, Aunt who sells food.
When buying pastries, I originally wanted to say "Two pear pies and one egg tart," but I ended up saying "Two yellow orioles singing egg tarts." Even more depressing was that the shop owner actually understood...
In college, there was a girl in our class named Liu Yun. Once, a classmate brought her a letter. On the envelope, her character "Yun" had been written sloppily, turning the horizontal stroke into a dot. As a result, the classmate stood in our hallway shouting: "Liu Mang, who is Liu Mang? There's a letter for you." Everyone in the hallway came out to see "Liu Mang" (which sounds like "hooligan"). In the end, the girl named Liu Yun helplessly got called a hooligan for four years.
For a while, there were rats at home, so my mom bought rat poison to maintain peace in the household, but no rats died. One early morning, my mom got up, looked at the rat poison in the corner, and muttered: "Why isn't anyone eating this medicine?" The whole family was dazed...
An English teacher teaching grammar asked before class ended: "I've finished explaining. Is there anything else you don't understand?" We all shouted together: "Nothing!"
Raising a cup to invite the moon, lowering my head to think of my hometown.
One hot summer day, we were playing mahjong when the power went out. We had to buy candles and continue. After half an hour, we couldn't bear the heat anymore, and someone said: "Let's turn on the electric fan. It's too hot." Another person replied: "We can't. It will blow out the candle."
As the saying goes: Kill people, set fires, repay debts.
In physics class, the teacher talked about radioactive elements, saying: "Radioactive elements are very dangerous. You humans must stay away from them!!"
If you can't eat grapes, spit out the grape skins.
At work, I answered a call from a clothing company doing promotions, constantly talking about having made uniforms for big companies. Seizing the moment when they paused, I blurted out: "Our company has a dress code - no uniforms!" The other side quietly paused for a few seconds, then said "Sorry to bother you" and hung up.
Our university teacher: "I need three students, one male and one female..." The whole class started looking around, searching for Li Yuchun.
On the way back to the dormitory after evening self-study, I encountered a heavenly beauty and followed her. I wanted to chat her up but didn't have the guts to approach her until the heavenly beauty was about to enter the girls' building. Clenching my teeth, I stepped forward and loudly asked the beauty: "Excuse me, are you a girl?" Later... For two years, I endured the white eyes of the heavenly beauty.
In Deng Xiaoping theory class, the teacher passionately said: "How many heroic sons and daughters have entangled themselves underground..."
A classmate's graduation project was making a phoenix shape with red cloth sewn onto black robe-like clothing. The examiner asked: "Why is the phoenix red instead of another color?" The classmate, excited, blurted out: "Because the phoenix is consumed by fire!!" (Probably meant to say reborn from fire). A second later, the classmates watching the defense burst out laughing uncontrollably, and my stomach hurt from laughing!
A colleague asked me: "Is Clinton's wife Jacques Chirac?"
In junior high school, the teacher asked us to memorize the Mulan Ode (the teacher was rather tough), and I was nervous... Brother heard his sister coming, sharpening his knife towards father and mother (sheep)... The whole class burst out laughing, I laughed too, and then I forgot everything afterward. Fortunately, the teacher didn't punish me...
Heaven! Earth! Dou'e is more wronged than me!
Helping my girlfriend buy WSJ, but when I got to the store, I didn't know what to buy, so I just grabbed something and asked the shop owner: "Boss, is this good to use?" The male boss blankly stared at me for a few seconds and said: "I haven't used this either!"
As a child, my dad watched me write an essay. There was a simple word I wrote incorrectly, and my dad smiled to my mom: "I found out your son is very stupid." I got upset and loudly told my dad: "Your son is stupid!"
Soldiers come, cover them with dirt; water comes, block it with generals.
Once, my mom went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying, the bank teller said: "Your money isn't enough here. There's a second page, which also needs to be paid." My mom asked: "What's the second page?" Staff member: "Sewage." My mom: "My family never drinks sewage."
Our high school principal once angrily scolded us for not listening well in class, saying: "If you keep doing this, don't blame me for not being human when I flip!"
The math teacher's signature move: Raising two fingers, he told the students: "Classmates, the key to learning math is three words!!! Practice more!!!"
That day, I said my girlfriend was as dumb as a pig, so she pinched me, it hurt, and she wouldn't let go. In a hurry, I said: "I'll tell your mom you're abusing pigs!"
One day, I went to worship Guanyin with my parents and younger brother. I wasn't fully awake, so I stepped forward and said: "Suffering Guanyin Bodhisattva ah..." My parents and younger brother, along with the bodhisattva, all sweat-dropped.
In the second year of university, during a FoxPro class, a teacher started counting how many people were present in class... Suddenly stopped.
One day, my dear mom asked me to buy Sichuan pepper. Mom: "Go buy a catty of Sichuan pepper." Me: "A catty?? Why do we need so much?" Mom: "Nonsense, for cooking!!!" I left feeling depressed and surprised, asking again before leaving: "Are you sure about a catty?!" My mom's glare was my answer. Sweating...
After arriving at the market, the more I thought about it, the more it seemed wrong to buy a catty of Sichuan pepper—it was too much! I pulled out my phone—asking again! The answer was still the same: a catty of Sichuan pepper!!!
A catty of Sichuan pepper cost seventy yuan, the boss weighed and bagged it for me. Just as I was about to pay, the phone rang—it was mom?! All I heard on the other end was roaring: "Wrong! Wrong!! Not a catty, not a catty, it's an ounce!!!" Bursting sweat!!!!!
When we first moved in, there were many people coming and going, and the security guard would question everyone. I originally wanted to say I was the homeowner, but I often said I was the "louzhu"... Taking advantage of the security guard's momentary confusion, I quickly ran off.
The people I despise the most are those who look down on others!