There are few memories of my childhood, most of which have been forgotten in the tunnel of time. The clearest memory is from the first grade of elementary school. It was winter, near dusk, during a Chinese class, the teacher taught us the character "le". All the other classes had already dismissed, and the teacher required each of us to write a page of the character "le" in our lined notebooks before we could go home. I remember I was the first one to stand up and say I had finished, but after the teacher looked at it, he said it wasn't written properly and asked me to rewrite it. At the age of six or seven, upon hearing this requirement, I became flustered and didn't know what to do. Seeing many classmates excitedly picking up their bags to go home, I sat in my seat sobbing quietly. At this moment, Wang Shan, who sat in front of me, said: "Don't worry, I'll help you write." That day, we stayed very late together. Since then, the beautiful "le" character written by ShanShan has been imprinted in my mind. Wang Shan always worked hard to protect the people around her. Now, when I think of her, I feel heartache. In my childhood, I was so happy, always being pampered. I greeted everyone with a smile. The uncles and aunts in the village always praised me for being obedient and sensible. I remember a math class in third grade where the teacher asked me to solve a problem on the blackboard. At that time, I was very short, and even on tiptoe, I couldn't reach the blackboard with the chalk. Suddenly, a pair of arms lifted me up, causing me to scream loudly without any sense of image issues, though at that age, I didn't even know what "image" meant. I finished the problem on the blackboard in the teacher's arms and, when I landed, I didn't forget to thank the teacher before happily jumping back to my seat. It was a small school, and news spread quickly. By the time I got home after school, I had already heard the children from the same village discussing how the teacher had held me in class. At such a young age, I had great respect for teachers, and seeing their envious expressions, I excitedly ran home to tell my grandparents and parents about it. Back then, a small thing like that could excite me for several days. Children's mentality is really good!
Soon, I entered junior high school. I remember that our classroom in the first year of junior high was next to the office, and many teachers would pass by our classroom door when classes started and ended. In winter, I liked to sit outside the classroom on a stool and bask in the sun during breaks. Every time Mr. Zhao Wanyin, the physical education teacher, passed by, he would ask me: "How old are you?" I would always look up at him smiling and blinking my eyes saying: "I'm eleven and a half years old." Later, after asking many times, I would add: "I've told you so many times, you really don't remember." He would always pat my head laughing and then walk away laughing. Zhao YuanYuan and others said I was silly, but I always argued that I was indeed eleven and a half years old. That year, I was very wild, playing and roughhousing with the boys in the class during breaks. Once, when Chen Hao fell off the desk and scraped his ear, I was worried to the point of almost crying. At that age, I didn't understand gender differences, nor did I avoid or distance myself from the boys. Looking back now, at that time, I was too mischievous, maybe because I was the youngest in the class, they always indulged me and let me bully them.
In the second year of junior high, I changed classes. At that time, my hair was very long. The daughter of the snack shop owner would call me "Pigtails Sister" when she saw me. Many classmates called me "Little Ghost", saying I was too naughty. At that time, we liked to give each other nicknames. I was still carefree, but more restrained, no longer roughhousing on the desks, just loving to play and not studying much. I often played and roughhoused with the girls in the dormitory and would be late for class. Teacher Cui must have been very frustrated with our group of kids back then.
After the start of the third year of junior high, the talk of the high school entrance exam was everywhere. That year, my grandfather was not in good health. My grandfather always told me to study well. I began to notice my grandfather's sickly appearance, began to notice my parents' hard work, began to care about my grades, and began to want to study hard. In the second half of the third year, after remedial classes and changing classes, I would cry inexplicably, especially when I saw my parents at home. My mother was very worried and asked me every time, but I didn't say anything, I didn't know what to say. That year, there were many tears, but I also began to learn to empathize, care, value, and work hard...
After knowing the results of the high school entrance exam, my father asked me about my choice. I said I wanted to repeat the year and go to another school. There were no familiar companions to play with there, and I wanted to study seriously. For convenience, I lived at my aunt's house. That year, my beloved grandfather passed away. Just like the names he gave me and my younger brother, my younger brother and I have always been the most precious treasures in his eyes. My doting grandfather left us, and even when he was unconscious, he kept calling out my and my younger brother's names, telling us to study well. That year, I no longer cried only. That year, living away from home, I didn't like to talk. That year, I got used to silence. That year, people who knew me all said I was more sensible. That year, I clearly remembered that my father took me to ask for favors so that I could enter that school. That year, I rarely went home, I was afraid, afraid to see my parents and cry, afraid they would worry, afraid they would be disappointed, afraid to go home, yet missing home so much. That year, I learned a lot...
After the high school entrance exam scores came out, I checked four or five times before I believed my score. However, soon, I faced a difficult decision. Because I was a repeater, I had no academic record. To attend the county middle school, not only did I need to meet the score requirements, but I also needed to pay additional fees. My score met the requirements, but eight thousand yuan, after my grandfather's passing, was really too difficult for my father. My father asked if I wanted to attend the county middle school, and I said: "No need. Which school doesn't matter, as long as I study hard, I can definitely get into college!" I still remember this sentence. To no longer see my father's guilty face, I constantly reminded myself to study hard and make sure to get into college, and I succeeded.
In high school, I returned to the place I spent three years in during junior high, just entering the high school department. On the first day of school, I saw Mr. Zhao Wanyin, hearing him call my name, hearing him say that the little girl had grown up, I suddenly wanted to cry.
For the three years of high school, I don't remember many things. What I can't forget is that during the first and second years, Mr. Zhang Qisheng always came to me after every math class and asked if there was anything I didn't understand. So, I rarely actively asked questions about math problems, mostly waiting for Mr. Zhang to come and ask me if there was anything I didn't understand. During those three years of high school, I really loved studying math. It seems like a lot happened during those three years, yet it also feels like nothing happened. I only remember sitting there writing, reading books, greeting classmates I knew or didn't know with a smile, remembering the morning runs, remembering classmates saying a certain teacher mentioned me in a certain class, remembering some girls talking about me in front of me without realizing the person they were talking about was right beside them, remembering classmates complaining that they didn't see me working hard, at least not staying up late to study, yet still doing well. During those three years of high school, I put in a lot of effort and also gained a lot.
In the third year of high school, something seemed different. As the college entrance exam approached, I developed a liking for novels. I remember often fighting over novel books with Xiaojuan. In my memory, the nights I stayed up late reading were filled with novel books, rarely for studying. I remember that winter, the snowfall was immense. In my memory, there is a scene in the snowy campus, walking to the classroom, there was a pine tree covered in snow beside the path, someone called my name behind me, I turned around, looked back, with a faint expression... It seems that during those three years of high school, aside from smiling, there weren't many other expressions. Actually, I cried, after exams when I didn't do well, when I saw my parents' expectant eyes, in the empty dormitory, and also on the night after the math portion of the college entrance exam, but I wouldn't cry in front of others.
I remember that evening after the college entrance exam ended, at the student gathering, while drinking, a classmate told me: "You seem different tonight; previously, I thought you were the most quiet girl in the class." I could only say that unfamiliar people don't understand well enough.
The summer before university was probably the happiest time since the third year of junior high. But time flies.
After entering university, most of my time was spent reading novels. When Zuo and Fangfang were in Bengbu, I often went shopping with them. During the four years of university, there aren't many deep impressions. I remember the first dinner gathering with the dorm roommates, remember the autumn season of 2010 when my mood was extremely low, Wang Dejian came to our school every night to keep me company in the cold wind, I cried bitterly then, crying over my immaturity, but later I forgot to wash Wang Dejian's clothes. I remember going to Hefei to play, also in the autumn season, on Dasha Mountain, the warm afternoon sunlight, sitting on the grass chatting, remember strolling in Xiaoyaojin Park, remember the internship at Hefei Midea in 2010, the snowy night, under the streetlights, watching the snowflakes dance under the lights, inexplicably shedding tears, that time, I told myself, the last time, never cry again afterwards. I remember the birthday celebration in 2011 with my brother and friends, moved deeply. Remember chatting with Chu and Wang Dejian sitting on the school bench. Remember the campus novel "Campus Omnipotent Expert" I read at that time, its story greatly inspired me.
During the student years, there were countless touching moments and tears. Coming this far, with the companionship of so many friends, actually, it was quite happy.
Now, I am about to step into society. Thinking back to last month when Master Zhong said: "Don't come to me, this is your quality issue, figure it out yourself..." and Master Tang said: "I can't do anything about the inspection issue..." my nose tingled, biting my lips, I forced back the tears, refusing to cry anymore!
Last night, Dad said: "I still want to learn how to drive, waiting for ZhenZhen to buy me a car." I said: "Alright!" Thinking back to last year when Dad's health was poor, Mom asked him to rest, but Dad said he wanted me to take postgraduate exams, and he still wanted to save money for BeiBei to go to university. I told Dad I didn't want to take postgraduate exams, when BeiBei goes to university, it will be the time I start working, I will support him. Later, when Chu persuaded me to take postgraduate exams, I did waver, but when I got home and heard Dad's coughing, I stopped thinking about taking postgraduate exams. I want Dad to be healthy, I want Mom not to be so tired, I want BeiBei to study well, I want him to pursue a master's degree and a Ph.D. As long as the family is fine, I'm willing to do anything.
Actually, I know I haven't been that diligent. In the third year of high school, I read novels, saying it was because I was also nervous, trying to relieve stress; in university, I attended classes on time but didn't listen carefully, reading novels instead, saying it was because I was confused, not knowing what to do, just cramming a month before each exam, and after the exams, I almost forgot everything I studied. Actually, I haven't been that diligent, spending too much time playing and reading novels. Actually, I haven't been that diligent, relieving stress or saying I was confused and didn't want to do anything, these are excuses, reasons I found to justify myself. Actually, I haven't been that diligent.
Recollections excerpted from: Pinwenju
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