I'm laughing my head off at these jokes! Here are the translations:
1. A young woman is trying to get her child to sleep with grandpa. The child refuses, so she says: "If you don't go, I'll go instead." Grandpa interjects: "You should teach children to be honest - you can't both coax the child and trick the elder."
2. A group of boys pooled their money to buy a toy but couldn't decide what to get. One suggests: "Let's buy sanitary pads!" Confused, they ask why? He replies: "I'm not sure either, but the TV says with it, you can climb mountains, water-ski, play ball, skate, and have fun without worries!"
3. A hen laid an enormous egg, and reporters came to interview her. Too shy to speak, they interviewed the rooster instead. He rolled up his sleeves and said: "I won't comment on this matter yet... let me catch that ostrich first!"
4. A person accidentally swallowed a fake eye, which got stuck in their anus and couldn't be removed. They went to the hospital where the doctor fainted upon seeing it. After waking up, he said: "I've looked at asses all my life, never thought one would look back at me..."
5. One night, the village chief got drunk and mistakenly entered the pigsty instead of his home. Lying next to the sow, he said: "Wife, bring me a glass of water!" The sow grunted twice. He said: "Fine, don't be so proud!" Then he touched her and said: "Damn, bought another cheap leather coat again, and it's even double-breasted!"
6. A Henan kid asked his mother: How do I make a sentence with ABCDEFG? The mother replied: "Ah, this naughty boy, whose family? Standing barefoot on D, neither EF nor GG worn properly!"
7. A hungry wolf was out looking for food when he heard a woman scolding her child: "If you keep crying, I'll throw you out to the wolves!" The wolf waited all night only to say: "Shit! This woman doesn't keep her word!"
8. A man in the office kept passing loud gas. His colleague couldn't bear it and said: "Can you stop making noise?" Afterwards, the man sat there shaking uncontrollably. When asked what he was doing, he replied: "I switched to vibrate."
9. A woman selling eggs was walking home at night when suddenly a man jumped out intending to assault her. She fought back fiercely, and the man failed in his attempt. Afterward, she dusted herself off and said: "What's the big deal? Why didn't you just say so? I thought you were after my eggs!"
10. A man shopping urgently needed to urinate and prepared to relieve himself in a corner. An old lady saw him and said: "Urinating in public, fine five yuan." The man retorted: "Who said I'm urinating? Can't I just check?"
11. A woman was using the restroom when a drunk man mistakenly entered. Hearing the sound of urine, he quickly said: "Please stop, I really won't drink anymore!" Scared, she stopped urinating and let out a fart instead. The drunk man exclaimed: "Shit! You opened another bottle!"
12. A nun hitched a ride with a priest who couldn't resist touching her pale thigh. She asked: "Father, do you remember what Bible verse 129 says?" Blushing, the priest hastily withdrew his hand. Back at the church, he eagerly opened the Bible to verse 129, which read: "Go deeper, and you will gain infinite glory!" The priest cried out: "God, lack of familiarity cost me so many opportunities! Colleagues, we must study our business well!"