I. Understanding People and Human Nature
The first step in improving interpersonal communication and mastering successful interpersonal relationship skills is: correctly understanding people and human nature.
Understanding people and human nature can be simply summarized as — "identifying with people according to their essence," "putting yourself in others' shoes," and not viewing others through your own perspective, much less imposing your will on them. People are first interested in themselves, not in you! In other words — a person cares about themselves more than they care about you by a factor of ten thousand. Recognizing that "people primarily care about themselves, not you" is the key to life.
II. How to Skillfully Talk to Others
When you talk to someone, please choose the topic they are most interested in. What is the topic they are most interested in? It's themselves! Remove these words from your dictionary — "I, myself, my." Replace them with another word, one of the most powerful words in human language — "you."
III. How to Skillfully Make Others Feel Important
One of the most common characteristics of humans is — the desire to be acknowledged, the desire to be understood. Do you want to excel in interpersonal relationships? Then, please make others aware of their own importance as much as possible. Remember, the more you make others feel important, the more they will reward you.
1. Listen to them
2. Approve and compliment them
3. Use their names and photos as often as possible
4. Pause briefly before responding to them
5. Use these words — "you" and "your"
6. Affirm those who wait to see you
7. Pay attention to everyone in the group
IV. How to Skillfully Agree with Others
Never forget that any fool can oppose others, but only the wise and great men agree — especially when the other person is wrong! The "art of agreement" can be summarized in the following six points:
1. Learn to agree and approve
2. When you agree with others, say it out loud
3. When you don't agree, never tell them unless absolutely necessary
4. Admit your mistakes when you're wrong
5. Avoid arguing with others
6. Handle conflicts properly
The root of the art of agreement lies in —
1. People like those who agree with them.
2. People dislike those who oppose them.
3. People dislike being opposed.
V. How to Skillfully Listen to Others
The more you listen, the smarter you become, the more people will like you, and the better conversational partner you will be. Of course, becoming a good listener is not an easy task. Here are five suggestions for reference:
1. Look at the speaker
2. Get close to the speaker and listen attentively
3. Ask questions
4. Do not interrupt the speaker
5. Use the speaker's pronouns — "you" and "your"
VI. How to Skillfully Influence Others
The first step in getting people to do things according to your wishes is to find out the reasons that motivate them to do so (i.e., what they want). Tell them what they want to hear, and they will be moved. You just need to simply explain to them that after doing what you ask, they will get what they want. The method of "understanding what people want" is: ask more, observe more, listen more, and put in your own relentless effort.
VII. How to Skillfully Persuade Others
When you talk about something beneficial to yourself, people usually doubt you and what you say, which is an instinctive reaction. A better way is: instead of stating directly, quote others, let others speak for you, even if those people are not present. Therefore, speak through the mouth of a third party.
VIII. How to Skillfully Get Others to Make Decisions
1. Tell people why they should agree with you. Tell people that following your advice will benefit them, not you.
2. Ask questions that can only be answered with "yes." However, note that you should appropriately ask these "yes" questions. That is, when you ask such questions, nod in agreement and start your question with "you."
3. Let people choose one of two "good" options. This technique is to let them choose one of your two "acceptable" options.
4. Expect people to say "yes" to you, and let them know that you expect them to give a positive response.
IX. How to Skillfully Stir Up Others' Emotions
1. Remember, the very first moment of any interaction often determines the tone of the entire process.
2. Next, apply the second basic rule of human behavior — people always react strongly in groups to others' responses.
Therefore, at the very beginning, before you break the silence or even speak, smile kindly. People rarely realize how much return there is for every bit of investment. Don't forget, starting now, smile like professional actors and models, and tell yourself — "Smile!"
X. How to Skillfully Praise Others
Be generous, praise others! First, find some people and things worth praising, then praise them.
1. Be sincere
2. Praise the action itself, not the person
Praise must be specific — targeted. Happiness Formula — develop the habit of praising three different people every day. You will find that after doing this, you feel incredibly happy! When you see that it brings happiness, joy, and gratitude to others, you will also feel happy.
XI. How to Skillfully Criticize Others
1. Criticism must be given privately
2. Before criticizing, give slight praise or compliments
3. Criticize actions, not people
4. Provide solutions
5. Request cooperation rather than issuing commands
6. Criticize once for each mistake
7. End criticism in a friendly manner
XII. How to Skillfully Thank Others
It is far from enough to just feel grateful and appreciative in your heart; you should express your gratitude and appreciation to those who deserve it.
1. Be sincere in your attitude
2. Express clearly and naturally
3. Look directly at the person you are thanking
4. Mention their name when thanking them
5. Make an effort to thank
XIII. How to Skillfully Leave a Good Impression on Others
If you want to be beautiful, beautify yourself first. If you want others to admire you, respect you, and honor you, you must make them feel that you are worthy of such honors. Be proud of yourself (but don't be arrogant!) Be proud of yourself, your profession, and your work environment; don't feel inferior because of your current situation and shortcomings. You are who you are — respect yourself, and be proud of yourself.
1. Be genuine
2. Be enthusiastic
3. Don't be overly anxious
4. Don't belittle others to elevate yourself
5. Don't criticize anyone or anything
XIV. How to Skillfully Speak
1. Know what you are talking about
2. Stop speaking once you've said what needs to be said
3. Look at the audience while speaking
4. Discuss topics that interest the audience
5. Don't attempt to give a speech