I am already married. LG doesn't love me.
When we realized this, he had just ended a shocking romance. It was said that his ex-girlfriend had infertility issues, and their separation was an unavoidable decision. When I met LG at the age of twenty, I was immediately smitten. We met at a dinner gathering because our parents knew each other through business. He was tall, thin, upright, and somewhat aloof with little conversation. His skin was dark, which happened to be my type. During that meeting, I also saw his ex-girlfriend, and he always kept his arm around her shoulder, showing great intimacy. I went crazy with jealousy. She had fair skin, unremarkable features, but a pleasant face that made people feel comfortable. She had a bit of baby fat, and in many people's eyes, such a look was considered very blessed.
But who could say that someone like me, a stick figure, wasn't also blessed?
Years later, when I was set up on a blind date by my family, I never expected it would be him. He still had that solitary demeanor, and later he told me: "You might know something about my situation. I still want to tell you, since I've decided to be with you, I only hope you won't ask me about the past. You must fully trust me. I will treat you well and won't do anything to betray you. If you don't believe me, you can leave."
I rather naively asked him: "Do you love me?"
He replied: "And what about you?"
I said: "Of course, I do love you!"
He laughed and said: "What exactly do you love about me?"
I blinked, unable to utter a word, blocked by his question.
He said: "Alright, stop asking these silly questions. Marriage is very realistic. Let’s cultivate our feelings slowly."
So, from the start, he held the dominant position. I happily married him, trusting that he would forget the past and love me well.
Perhaps, he wasn’t wrong. Wasn’t I attracted to his wealthy family background, his striking appearance, and substantial income? But is there anything wrong with that?
Our relationship was rather ordinary and mundane. Although under these conditions we came together, honestly, he didn’t have much to criticize about me. Due to the apparent perfection, I instead felt something was missing. We rarely argued; I was originally a very obedient woman. The most romantic thing we did together was watching movies. Quite exaggerated, right?
Once, at a friend's birthday party, he brought me along. That was the first time I appeared as his girlfriend in his circle of friends. They were all relatively older than me. I could sense their discomfort when they looked at me. I knew that the ex-girlfriend, Xiaoquan, was likely friends with them too, which I mentally prepared for. I greeted them politely, calling them "Brother" or "Sister." I was quite considerate and not pretending. I wanted to blend into their group so they could accept me. In university, I had a boyfriend, but after graduation, things fizzled out without much regret. LG was someone I really liked, even though I didn’t experience that deep, soul-stirring love, but for me, this was love. I believed love could be cultivated, and I hoped I could replace her. Much later, I realized that what can be cultivated is affection, not love.
Among those people, there was a sister named Chen who wasn't very friendly towards me. I could feel her scrutinizing gaze filled with hostility. When I offered tea to everyone, she moved her cup aside and said: "No need, I’ll just drink water." LG cared about my feelings and pointed at Chen saying: "Hey, you have to drink this tea." Chen gave LG a harsh look, and I quickly said: "If you don't want to drink, that's fine. Are you treating me like an outsider?" LG raised his eyebrows and said, "Ignore her."
During the meal, Chen casually mentioned Xiaoquan, and everyone gave her warning glances. LG remained natural, showing no displeasure. I watched him socialize with others, and in that moment, I felt how distant this man truly was from me. On the way home, I didn’t speak. He held the steering wheel with one hand and my hand with the other. When he dropped me off at the entrance of my apartment building, he didn’t drive in further but opened the car door and said: "Get out."
I looked up and got out of the car. As I stood up, he placed one hand on the car door and the other on my shoulder, pulling me close to his chest. Actually, before then, we had never been so intimate. My heart pounded. I said, let me go, and he sighed, wrapping his arm around my neck and leaning down to kiss me. I quickly closed my eyes, awkwardly responding—not faking purity, but genuinely nervous. He kissed rather stiffly and soon stopped. His head lowered, resting on my shoulder. We stayed silent for a while, and I foolishly stood there, frozen in place. All I could think was, does he even like me?
There’s nothing more to recall.
Half a year later, our decision to marry came from a phone call. That day, he picked me up from work, and we went to eat hot pot. His phone rang, and he answered it saying: "What? Why are you so idle? What's the matter? Are you short on money again?"
As he listened to the other side, his smile faded, and he responded with "Uh-huh" repeatedly. Then, after a brief silence, he said: "Actually, you don't need to ask my opinion. This is a good thing, isn't it? You're overthinking it. Alright, I understand. That's it. Let's hang up."
On the way back, he suddenly said to me: "Let's prepare for our marriage."
There was no forewarning, and I hadn't even fully entered a romantic state yet. But I was still thrilled. Afraid he might change his mind, I said: "Alright!" and leaned in to kiss his cheek. He smiled and looked at me, saying: "Are you that happy?" I nodded.
Later, I found out that the phone call was from one of his friends introducing a man to Xiaoquan. This man had a child, was divorced, and was a young president of a company with excellent hardware conditions.
Although LG didn't show much emotion that day, I knew he must have been deeply pained. Don't ask why—I just knew. That overwhelming sorrow was palpable.
Actually, I married quite spectacularly. I mentioned earlier that LG's family was moderately affluent, and since LG worked in international banking management, our wedding was quite grand. Before getting married, I confided in my close friend about various anxieties in my heart. She carelessly said: "He's already yours. What else do you have to worry about?"
She was right. What did I have to worry about? From now on, I would be his wife, and no one could replace me.
It's actually hard for me to bring up, and it's quite embarrassing. At the beginning of our marriage, we didn't have any marital life. First, he always had excuses to go out, and later, one evening after dinner when we drank a little wine, as I was clearing the table, he hugged me from behind. Eventually, we both lay down in bed, and he closed his eyes, kissing me while lying on top of me. His eyebrows were handsome, perfectly arched, and his nose straight. Actually, I noticed LG looked a bit like Huang Jue, just with a thinner face. Sigh, I digress.
We didn't go far, because at the last crucial moment, he suddenly stopped, sighed, and said: "Another day." Then he got up, put on his pajamas, and lit a cigarette.
What could I say? Later, I learned that his inability wasn't physical but psychological.
I tried very hard to be a qualified wife. Except for working hours, I took good care of him. I was an excellent cook, which particularly pleased my mother-in-law. Speaking of my mother-in-law, she was a very strong-willed and difficult person to get along with, but strangely, she liked me a lot. I also did my best to make her happy.