Q: No matter what kind of situation one is in, a person’s perspective and position will affect their awareness of their own abilities. However, I always focus on the problem itself rather than how to solve it. I tend to overthink things without considering the consequences. When someone asks for help while solving a problem, I don’t know how to say no or how to directly refuse them (when others ask me for help, I’m often already quite annoyed, but I still end up helping them). What should I do?
A: When someone asks for help and you're already in the middle of your own troubles, what should you do?
If you help them, it might delay your own time and make you even more flustered. Or because you're too anxious, your attitude might not be very good, and they may feel that you aren't really helping out of necessity. If you simply refuse, it might immediately hurt them, and next time when you need urgent help, they might treat you the same way.
For this, I suggest adopting a more gentle approach and expressing your sincere intentions with kindness: (1) You are very willing to help; (2) But you are in a difficult situation, facing a lot of pressure, and need time and full commitment, hoping they understand; (3) You can offer advice, recommend other people who can help them, or agree to change the time, after you've solved your own problems, then discuss with them.
Q: I have a good family, but I am very busy and often get home when my wife and child are already asleep. I always want to earn more money to make them live better, but my wife always doubts what I'm doing outside all the time, which sometimes makes me angry. Although I also understand her feelings, I can't control my temper. Our relationship is becoming increasingly tense. What should I do?
A: This is a question about how both spouses can better coexist. In fact, both you and your wife have contributed a lot to the family, giving a lot, and at the same time, both of you urgently hope to receive feedback. So, where exactly is the problem that makes two hardworking people unhappy? Actually, many urban families face this issue.
I offer the following suggestions:
(1) Better time management. Most importantly, set aside time for your family, even if it's just a short period, 5 minutes a day, or schedule a family gathering during your weekly rest time.
(2) Fully engage during the specially scheduled time. No work, no other distractions, just you and your family. Your presence and attention are a great way to express: you love them, you care about their feelings, and you hope they are happy, calm, and content. Their happiness will also infect you, filling your heart with more energy.
(3) Share. Your wife should be your longest-lasting partner in life. Give this special partner some special arrangements! And it doesn't have to be an expensive club, maybe a street-side coffee shop, perhaps a bookstore you used to visit frequently, or maybe a park. In short, these are places where you can completely relax, comfortably stay together, and listen to each other and share. Recall those moments that deeply attracted you and made you feel she was so special. Share your current feelings, the happiness and unhappiness you encounter, the confusion and melancholy you feel. Through mutual sharing and communication, you will surely have new discoveries: originally, clearly expressing your emotions to each other is such an important and interesting thing—understanding each other's needs and feelings more clearly, being able to consider issues from the other's perspective, and trusting and supporting each other even more.
(4) Express your feelings through words and actions. A hug before leaving in the morning, a simple greeting when you return home asking "How was your day?", an encouraging smile, touch, or caress will let her genuinely feel that you care about her and can empathize with her feelings.
Q: My work pace is very fast, making me mentally very tense. I often suffer from insomnia at night, and when I finally fall asleep, I have strange dreams that leave me exhausted the next day. How can I use emotional intelligence to change this situation or relax myself?
A: You can try body scanning. At least three times a day, spend six seconds quietly focusing on your physical state, checking from your feet to the top of your head. During the inspection, pay special attention to your body's sensations, noticing which parts feel tense, relaxed, warm, cold, comfortable, or uncomfortable, and see if you can sense any specific times, events, or activities that correspond to certain bodily states. This will help you better perceive your emotions and the relationship between these feelings and the physical signals and effects they trigger.
To express your stress, try identifying the triggers, underlying emotions, and your suppressed reactions.
By recognizing the information your emotions give you, it can help you think and decide better instead of causing distress.
After three days, three weeks, or three months, you can reflect on any changes. We warmly welcome you to share your insights with us!