The Girl is Twenty-eight Years Old
After the Spring Festival, you will be 28. On the second day of the New Year, while I was washing dishes in the kitchen, my mother mentioned this, and I feared she would continue: "Liping's child is already three years old, and Liu Min's child has already started kindergarten..." In a panic, I hastily wiped my hands and fled from the kitchen.
My father was watching TV in the living room, and both of my younger sisters had been called away by their respective boyfriends. The house was cold and quiet, not at all like during the New Year celebrations. It was just me facing my parents again. At times like these, they either beat around the bush asking me endless questions about my recent life or earnestly persuade me not to be picky anymore and to settle down with someone. For my marriage, for me to get married quickly, they have worried a lot. But I am unambitious; I am already 28 and still haven't found a partner.
A few years ago, my parents could never have imagined that their clever and likable eldest daughter would end up as an unmarried woman. Since I was young, I've always imagined a day when I would sit on a high throne like a queen, with a handsome prince kneeling before me, holding roses and pulling at the hem of my skirt saying: "Oh dear girl, you are the princess in my heart, you are my queen, please marry me." Who would have thought that I am almost 28 now, and not only has no one proposed to me, but no one has even held my hand. I am eager to get married but can't find a partner. My daily routine consists of blind dates, blind dates, and more blind dates. I've practically become a professional at blind dates, and finding a partner has once been my second job.
From the initial blushing excitement to the current numbness, tall, short, fat, thin, handsome, ugly, poor, rich, outgoing, introverted, capable, honest—people of all kinds of personalities, types, and professions have come and gone, yet none were suitable for marriage. Among these people, there were those who liked me but I didn't like them, those I liked but they didn't like me, and those neither of us liked each other.
I clearly remember the first blind date, after spending three hours in front of the mirror getting ready, I followed my mother to the matchmaker's house, my heart pounding and my legs trembling. I walked back and forth three times on the street in front of the matchmaker’s house before finally entering. When I met the young teacher, although I didn’t like his height of less than 175 cm, I was still so nervous that I couldn't function properly. The matchmaker offered the man a cigarette, he refused, then the matchmaker gave me sunflower seeds, and I also said no. This incident happened ten years ago, and I'm still going on blind dates. Now, blind dating has become something I handle with ease. I can meet someone without combing my hair or washing my face, go out, and then return to work. By evening, when the matchmaker calls to ask how it went, I might just then remember that I went on a blind date at noon.
People who have introduced me say I'm too picky, but I feel wronged. I don't seek great wealth or high status, I just want to find someone who shares my ideals and loves me back. But even with such simple requirements, it's so difficult to find someone. A few years ago, girlfriends who were in the same situation as me found partners through various means and methods, and after inviting me to their weddings, they disappeared one by one. Now, truly, I am the last person left alone, making me a real hard-core singleton, without a boyfriend or even a girlfriend. Even when I visited their homes, seeing them either sweetly whispering to each other or happily holding their newborns made my heart ache.
I desperately yearn for, dream of, and hope for my destiny to arrive soon, for me to have my own family, to have someone of my own. But I wait day after day, year after year, and now I am 28 and still haven't found my destiny, leading me to often doubt whether destiny truly exists or not.
A few days ago, I read an article that deeply moved me. The article said that from an economic perspective, matters of the heart are also issues of interest balance. Love and marriage, like other human behaviors, seek tangible benefits, inevitably requiring rational choices, conforming to the rational analysis of maximizing economic utility. It also stated that life is a wonderful product, and the body, beauty, wisdom, and time given by God are all resources. How these resources are allocated should be instinctively considered by women, economically and carefully calculated for their lives.
I feel that if following this view, I have already wasted the resources God gave me, and I haven't planned my life well. Why? Because when girls are in their early twenties, it's the best time for them to look for a partner, and at that time, there are plenty of choices. If I had realized that fate isn't practical and paid attention to picking carefully back then, I would surely have found a great partner. Now that I've finally understood these beautiful life ideals, the great partners have already been taken by others. Time has passed, seasons have changed, and I am no longer young. Even if I encounter a great partner now, would they choose me? Regardless, a 28-year-old woman cannot compare with an 18-year-old. Younger generations keep coming up, showcasing their youthful beauty. Whether I want to age or not, I will age. Although the men I've encountered personally may be younger than me compared to those in their thirties or forties, within the age group of finding a partner, I am definitely among the older ones and do not have an advantage.
No matter how excellent my inner qualities are, compared to the tender 18-year-old me, I possess much more restrained beauty, musical beauty, and inner beauty. But old bulls like young grass, and young bulls don't like old grass. Those who know me and used to admire me are mostly my peers, and most of them are already taken. Of those left for me to date, how many can instantly recognize my worth, see through my flaws, and appreciate my noble soul? And if there really is someone like that, would I even like him?
For this reason, I often feel sorry for myself and regretful, feeling like a luxurious fashion item that, despite its fine craftsmanship and quality, wasn't sold due to unreasonable pricing. Now that it's outdated, it can only be sold at a discount. Sometimes when I go on blind dates, I even feel like a high-end commodity being sold at a low price. Whenever I see peers in pairs, I feel left behind, imagining what my parents said: "Stop being picky, just find someone." But matters of the heart cannot be forced or compromised.
Thus, I waited year after year, hoping day after day, but my love bird never arrived.
A few years ago, in the prime of my youth, I had some charm, and there were always people around me. But who would have known that youth and beauty are fleeting, just like dog tails, turning yellow and withering in the blink of an eye. My skin is no longer rosy, replaced by freckles and wrinkles. Plus, I don't spend much on grooming, so now, though I'm not ugly, I'm definitely someone you'd have to search for a long time to find in a crowd. Though my appearance may no longer be appealing, love still remains beautiful in my heart. Chasing fashionable love with this unattractive appearance is clearly inappropriate. Two years ago, during the Spring Festival, my mother warned me: "If you don't find a partner soon, you'll be too old, and it will be harder for girls to get married as they age." I assured her then not to worry because next year I wouldn't spend the holiday with her. But two years have passed, and now, another year has come, and I am still single. I still live with my parents. Last Spring Festival, I secretly vowed that no matter what, I would get married this year, but at the end of the year, it turned out to be another fruitless effort. Not only did I not get married, but I didn't even find someone to seriously interact with.
Among my colleagues, there is a girl one year younger than me who is also unmarried. Her conditions are similar to mine, but the difference is that she has had many lovers, changing every ten days to half a month, so her colleagues privately nicknamed her "Half-Month Talk." Initially, I disapproved of her behavior, but now I understand why. After experiencing it myself, I realize that being "Half-Month Talk" is not easy. It requires charm, courage, and broad-mindedness. If someone called me "Half-Month Talk," I would be furious, but when she heard it, she simply said: "It's not Half-Month Talk anymore, it's Weekly Issue now." Just hearing her words and tone shows how open-minded and broad-hearted she is. Therefore, despite being of the same age, her mindset is much better, and she doesn't feel as anxious or as pitiful and tragic as I do. When I heard her jokingly call herself "Weekly Issue," I laughed beside her. But recently, I heard a tongue twister that made me realize something: whether "Half-Month Talk" is advanced or not, I am certainly behind the times because the tongue twister says: "In the 2000s, love speeds up, from love to breakup in a week. Monday sparks attraction, Tuesday falls in love, Wednesday sleeps together, Friday gets tired of each other, Saturday breaks up, Sunday looks for new love." Once something turns into a tongue twister, it means it has become widespread.
Considering that last year I didn't even find anyone worth considering, and realizing how far behind the times I am, I decided to completely change my mindset and direction. I need to appropriately absorb some of the spirit of "Half-Month Talk," not becoming "Weekly Issue," but at least having one or two people to talk to. To achieve this, I patiently sat down and carefully analyzed the reasons why I am still single. Apart from believing in fate, I found the following points:
One, I have been overly influenced by my grandmother and mother, correcting past mistakes too drastically. They were too trendy when finding partners; my grandmother relied on fortune-tellers to draw lots and calculate destinies to choose a partner, ending up with a short-lived husband; my mother followed the trend and insisted on finding someone with good social standing, eventually marrying a very poor farmer representative, and arguing with him for most of her life. My aunt, though a farmer herself, wanted to marry a worker because she was pretty when she was young, and she eventually achieved her goal, enjoying a much better life than farmers for a long time. But now, with four family members laid off, survival itself is a problem. Therefore, my grandmother often laments her bad luck, but I think she resembles the story of the mouse marrying the daughter. Now it's my turn to find a partner, and I don't want to be shortsighted like them. I am determined to establish my worldview and mate selection view with a historical, developmental, dialectical, and materialistic perspective. Therefore, I set two rules for myself: 1. Don't follow overly trendy things, 2. Don't follow overly popular things. Thus, during the previous craze for academic qualifications, I deliberately avoided people with degrees; during the current gold-digging trend, I deliberately avoided wealthy people, which caused me to lose many opportunities.
Two, I always want to find someone with whom I feel a connection, someone who makes my heart race at first sight or seems familiar, as if seen in a dream or known from a past life, but how easy is that? A face you've never seen before, a stranger you know nothing about, appearing familiar is indeed quite difficult.
Three, I always want to find someone who treats me like a treasure, someone who loves and spoils me selflessly like my parents. If I were seventeen or eighteen, maybe someone would spoil me, but now, approaching thirty, neither grandmother nor uncle loves me anymore, let alone others. Clearly, this idea is somewhat unrealistic.
I believe that because of these reasons, I have become the wheat of autumn, the beans of winter.
Now that I have identified the reasons and clarified my thoughts, I am determined to change my mindset, transform my views, abandon the previous emotional, unrealistic, and impractical ways of finding a partner, and instead adopt scientific, rational, and economical methods for choosing a mate.
According to normal people's perspectives, this might seem a bit extreme, but I believe it will definitely be more efficient and increase the success rate. You must know that for a 28-year-old woman, talking about romance and feelings is already somewhat unrealistic.
With goals established and directions set, we will see what happens this year. My first plan is: move out first, leaving my parents will be better. First, I will have more freedom; if I go out for a meeting or a date at night, I won't have my parents' eyes on me when I leave, and I won't have to worry about the time when I return. Second, I will have more freedom in clothing; I can wear a small halter dress or a tank top without worrying about what my parents might say. Third, I won't have to watch my two younger sisters flaunting their dates every day, making me anxious every day. Fourth, without nagging and urging, I can stop aging, and my parents won't argue about me anymore. There were a few times when my mother got upset and blamed my inability to find a partner on my father's indulgence, leading to big arguments with the poor farmer representative. But finding or not finding a partner has nothing to do with whether the farmer representative indulges me or not; she is upset because she can't arrange my marriage or force me to find a partner.
The year passed quickly, spring arrived, even the birds were in love, ants cohabited, flies were pregnant, butterflies remarried, and frogs had children. I found a one-bedroom apartment, disregarding my parents' advice, and decisively moved in. At first, I indeed felt peaceful, but soon, I felt another kind of sorrow, a loneliness and emptiness after work, facing the four walls alone, and a desire to speak with no one to listen. Especially after dusk, seeing people of all ages either proudly walking hand-in-hand on the street or sneaking into bushes, I increasingly felt my own solitude. Especially those teenagers with backpacks sneaking into bushes made me shed tears. People at seventeen or eighteen can fall in love, but I am twenty-seven or eight and have never been in love. At such moments, I feel that fate is particularly unfair, and I am particularly useless, just like that old spinster I know. That woman is over forty, and because she read too many romantic novels when she was young, she has never found a partner. Later, her temperament became strange. Men who got close to her, she accused of ulterior motives and trying to take advantage of her. If she encountered difficulties and a man tried to help her, she would scold him. Therefore, she is almost fifty and still unmarried, and does not associate with others. She has become one of the well-known figures in the area. I feel that I am now like her, peculiar and abnormal. Chopsticks come in pairs, gloves and shoes also come in pairs. Bottles don't need to be paired, but they must fit their caps to be useful. Bowls don't need to be paired, but they must match their spoons to be functional. God's creations are never meant to exist alone in this world, but I have defied natural laws. It's not that I want to defy them, but God has not taken care of me.
Do I willingly let anxiety and loneliness gnaw at me every day, and let solitude and dependence accompany me every night?
Recently, I have been extremely distressed, feeling as if the whole world is celebrating except for me, a single person. Because Lin Ping got married. Lin Ping is my colleague and friend, three years older than me, already 31. Due to past emotional wounds and traumas, she was afraid of love and swore that she would remain unmarried without regrets. Lin Ping has always been my comfort and bottom line. Whenever my parents urged or relatives asked, I would think: Lin Ping is over 30 and not anxious, why should I be? But who would have thought that even Lin Ping would get married, and so suddenly. From meeting to understanding took only over a month, and she abandoned me, her ally. At her wedding, wearing a white veil and thick makeup, with crow's feet, she smiled at me and said: "Come visit me often." I responded verbally, but inside, I felt so sour that my nose was about to drip. Once a woman gets married, she ascends to the clouds, focusing on building a nest or laying eggs, rarely caring about female colleagues. I have experienced this before, so after this, I had nowhere to go on Sundays. I lamented silently, wishing I could find someone today and get married tomorrow.
Lin Ping's marriage left me heartbroken and made me feel truly abandoned and left behind by society, even rejected by people. I, who have always considered myself superior, now feel inferior. Father said: "Why do you look so dejected and old lately?" Mother said: "Where has your cleverness gone?" In fact, if it weren't for relatives and friends saying: "You're so old, hurry up and find someone," or "You'll be too old soon," I wouldn't be like this. Personally, I don't feel old at all. I am still in my twenties, not thirties. Just because you're not married, just because you're 28 and still single, you're automatically labeled as an old maid, even held up as an example. My neighbor once scolded her eight-year-old daughter, saying: "If you grow up to be like Ah Xiang, unable to find a partner and end up an old maid." The child innocently repeated this to my mother, hurting her deeply. During that period, I really wanted to stomp my foot and go south. Newspapers report that there are many people in Shanghai and Shenzhen who remain single for life. How do they live? Zhengzhou isn't too remote, but how backward are people's thoughts here. Since then, I have believed that my pressure comes from societal expectations, but later, when homosexuality appeared around me and people could accept it calmly, and when I increasingly felt lonely and isolated, I realized that marriage is not just a social phenomenon but also a natural need. I have violated natural laws, making me somewhat peculiar and unconventional. Thinking of the ancient saying: "Men should marry when they grow up, and women should marry when they grow up," I once again focused all my energy on finding a partner.
The TV station organized a program similar to "Rose Appointment," and I hurriedly signed up. Unfortunately, the phone I was using broke exactly when they notified me for the interview. By the time I found out and rushed over, they said: "Too late, next time," but there was no next time.
Seeing full-page matrimonial advertisements in newspapers, I became interested. Finally, I gathered the courage with someone else who was also eager to get married and, like a spy, secretly went to a nearby matchmaking agency called "Wait a Thousand Years." It was better than expected. Checking the profiles, I was shocked to see that bachelor's degrees were common, and there were even doctoral degrees and returned overseas students. These conditions made me feel ashamed, but then I didn't care anymore. Although marriage has never been a purely personal matter and has always been associated with power, status, family background, and wealth, openly advertising oneself as having a car, a house, a company, and a high income seeking a beautiful companion was the first time I encountered it practically. Looking at it, I felt a bit repulsed. This is clearly using cars and houses to lure beauties, no different from fishing with bait. Complaining about this, I also remembered the common scams and fake profiles people talk about, making me skeptical. Despite this, I still paid the fee and registered, holding onto a sliver of hope. When you're sick, you try any remedy. They say there are many frauds here, but even with many frauds, you still have to enter the mountain.
The young matchmaker gave me a code: 4321, saying that next time I come here, I don't need to use my name; this code will be my name. This suited me well, showing that they understood us, knowing that we are undercover workers here, fearing acquaintances and leaks, knowing that for the great, eternal cause of love, we are willing to sacrifice our personal dignity and money.
Dates came quickly, and I basically attended every one. But soon, I discovered that the people they recommended to me were of all kinds, mixed like sand and mud. After working hard for a while without results, I became very troubled and told them that in the future, I would only invite people, not be invited. Thus, life became quiet again.