The Desperate Love of a Leftover Woman
That year, I was 28 years old. All my female classmates and girlfriends had gotten married, but I hadn't even found an object of affection, let alone experienced love. At that time, I was extremely anxious, dreaming every night about getting married. Especially when my mother urged me, I wished I could just grab a man from the street to perform our wedding vows. As one of my classmates put it: eager to get married but unable to find a partner. I often cursed under my breath, cursing men for being so superficial. In my younger days, when I was as beautiful as a flower, I didn't think about finding a partner, yet they swarmed around me like flies. Now, although I'm not yet a withered flower, merely having a few wrinkles, they keep their distance. Even more infuriatingly, during a class reunion, a male classmate asked if I was married. I said I was still a spinster, and he actually replied, "Old you may be, but are you still a maiden?" That made me want to spit blood. I thought to myself: why are women like vegetables, losing all value once they age? At the same time, I hated myself for not realizing I would have this day when I was young and beautiful. Back then, I treated men as worthless, dismissing them with a mere sniff when they surrounded me. Now that I've aged, how come I view each one as a treasure? Every time I thought about this, my heart raced uncontrollably. I felt that times had changed, and I had been left behind, discarded by society.
To find a partner, I went through great efforts those two years, showing considerable sincerity. But fate wasn't on my side. I went on blind dates countless times, yet none caught my eye. Isn't that strange? Despite going on so many dates, I never lost hope, or rather, couldn't afford to lose hope because I hadn't found the right person yet. Until one day, I completely lost heart. When someone introduced me to another bachelor, the meeting signal was for me to hold a roasted chicken in my left hand and for him to carry a bottle of beer in his right. We were supposed to meet at the overpass of the Zijin Mountain Department Store. Can you imagine using such a method to discriminate against older singles? From that day on, I stopped going on blind dates altogether.
At that time, the internet was gaining popularity. Encouraged by newspapers, television, magazines, and other media outlets, going online became synonymous with being trendy, avant-garde, and fashionable. Due to work reasons, I had no choice but to learn computers. Little did I know that learning this would lead me to discover the joys of chat rooms, where I could pass the time leisurely. Once I entered this virtual world, I could forget all the troubles of real life and the daunting task of finding a partner. There, I could freely express myself, feeling light-hearted and carefree. I could pretend to be a pure young girl, leaving a trail of chatter that would leave men chasing after me before disappearing. I could also pose as a male teacher, engaging in banter with fake ladies known as Silk Stocking Misses or Wai Girls. Occasionally, I'd encounter someone sincere, to whom I could confide my troubles without reservation. Although I bought a computer specifically for going online, I only saw the internet as a tool for relaxation and entertainment, not expecting to gain anything from it. However, shortly after starting, I met someone online, embarking on my first emotional journey since turning 28. Perhaps in this illusory world, the heart of an older woman is easier to touch.
One day, I chose the name 'Apricot' and entered the Broad Sky Chat Room of Shangdu Information Port. The room was lively, with a user named Sunshine Girl telling someone called Wretch, "Wretch, wretch, I love you. I won't hit you or scold you; instead, I'll carve you to death with my loving knife." Another user, Red Vine Wrapping Tree, told Mummy, "A wife isn't as good as a concubine, a concubine isn't as good as a prostitute, a prostitute isn't as good as a courtesan, a courtesan isn't as good as stealing, stealing isn't as good as not being able to steal, not being able to steal isn't as good as imagining,..." A monk was saying, "Here we sell friendship, stories, dreams, reality, passion, melancholy, and alcohol. What do you desire?" A fake moderator kept announcing, "We're planning a gathering. Please prepare cash, drinking capacity, cosmetics, hurry up, details inside." An old K was telling Long Hair Fluttering, "Gently, I'll lay you on the bed, gently lift your skirt, gently take off your underwear, gently kiss your cheeks, then gently tell you: baby, it's time to change the diaper!" Long Hair Fluttering spat at Old K and ignored him. Old K apologized, "Sorry, I'm wrong. I tried to kill myself by hitting tofu or hanging with noodles, but both failed. What should I do?" Long Hair Fluttering replied, "I'm happy because you're happy, I'm cheerful because you're cheerful, I'm worried because you're thin, I laugh because you're fat, I'm rich because I sold you. This is my pig-raising philosophy." Old K responded, "There are six kinds of eggs in the world: chickens lay eggs, some explode into bombs, those reading this sentence are fools, those laughing are stupid, those angry are dumb, and those cursing are bastards."
As I was laughing at these exchanges, a user named Missile came in and started arguing with someone called Laugh Skew. He asked Laugh Skew why she didn't show up for their appointment. Apparently, Laugh Skew was a woman who immediately accused Missile of being a liar. It turned out they had met online, where Missile described himself as charming and cultured, a successful big boss. However, when they finally met in person, she realized he wasn't what he claimed to be and left without a word. Just as I was listening to Laugh Skew recount the story, Missile began speaking again, calmly denying any deception and explaining his self-introduction as follows:
"I am a mature man (58 years old), tall and robust, giving others the impression of a big brother (my height resembles Wu Song's elder brother). My business is moderately successful, not a particularly large boss (just running a cold drink stall). Wherever I go, I carry a notebook (a paper notebook recording phone numbers and daily income), my car isn't too good, but it's wider than a Lincoln (always taking public transportation). Years ofē†¸tration at Henan University have cultivated my cultural taste (because I used to sell cold drinks there). In my spare time, I study Chinese history, especially Qing history (my favorite TV drama is 'The Princess Returns'). I keep up with modern trends (knowing which cold drinks are popular this year) and deal with high society regularly, which I find annoying (the university president always tells me campus vending is forbidden). Therefore, I often mingle with the lower classes (having to sell elsewhere). My requirements for an ideal partner aren't high (as long as they're taller than me). Dear, please come, and I'll treat you to plenty of ice cream (those unsold and melting quickly). Your first impression of me will be satisfying! (I doubt you'll look at me twice!)."
Just as I was enjoying this spectacle, a user named Ugly Man approached me with a riddle: "Pig's butt has two drops of water, guess a song title." I guessed for half a day but couldn't figure it out, so I asked for the answer, only to be told it was "Your Face Streaming With Tears." This made me so furious I wanted to spit blood. I replied, "You look truly creative, living with true courage. Being ugly isn't your intention, it's God's mood swing. Be brave, live on. Without you, how can the world's beauty be highlighted?" After saying this, I ignored him. I thought he'd have nothing more to say, but instead, he replied, "You're beautiful, but your arms are like a kangaroo's, your legs like an elephant's, your head like a bear's, your mouth like a rabbit's, your ears like a donkey's, your eyebrows shaped like an eight, your arms crossed, your legs folded, crying and yelling to enter a beauty contest." This left me speechless. After calling him a fool, I ignored him too. He pestered me for a while, then left. I was left alone watching others chat. It was during this time that I noticed a user named Xiao Luo entering the chat room. I paid attention to him because of his normal name. In this unique place, everyone had peculiar names, but not everyday ones like his. Initially, he remained silent, then asked, "Who among you with a happy family would like to chat?" Upon seeing this, my heart skipped a beat. Compared to users like Old K, Ugly Man, and those saying things like "If you're not a beauty, don't talk to me" or "Are there any ladies interested in being a mistress?", this question seemed much more meaningful. I responded, "Longing for something unattainable," as I was a single man. He replied, "Plums hang on trees, longing is futile." I typed back, "Yearning but forgetting, suffering unnecessarily, better to forget than yearn." He responded, "Yearn, forget, net...". Thus, we chatted aimlessly until late into the night. I realized we got along well, though I didn't expect to continue chatting with him. Unexpectedly, the next evening, we met again and resumed our conversation.
Subsequently, on the third, fourth day..., we became regulars here. Others like Old K, Pure Beauty, Figaro, Aquarius Whale, and Cabbage Worm frequently visited this chat room. Sometimes we all discussed a topic together, but more often we paired up to chat. I chatted with Xiao Luo more than anyone else. Though not very experienced online and not quite a netizen, I typed fast and, once online, my thoughts flowed like wine. Many netizens weren't my match, often leaving me tapping the keyboard impatiently waiting for their slow responses. However, I found Xiao Luo different. Not only did he type quickly, but he was quick-witted and eloquent. For example, when I asked his age, he countered with my own. I joked about having one leg longer than the other, and he quipped about having one eye bigger than the other. Introducing myself, I said, "A woman, currently 28 years old, wearing a white blouse, black pants, and a pair of size 45 black leather shoes. If anyone falls in love at first sight, please write a love letter quickly." He responded, "A man, currently 28.5 years old, small eyes, big mouth, missing two teeth when smiling. Any interested parties, please contact me soon. Contact number: 1234567."
In this lighthearted banter, we gradually learned about each other and became familiar. Gradually, I discovered he was half a year older than me and also single. Since we were both older singles, we shared more common ground and topics. During our conversations, we even talked about our experiences with blind dates. He told me about one particular date where he met a girl at the park entrance. They initially got along well and decided to explore further inside the park. Suddenly, her high heel broke, leaving her awkwardly hobbling on one foot. She was too embarrassed to tell him, and he, engrossed in boasting about his knowledge, failed to notice. Seeing his lack of sensitivity, she sat down on a bench nearby and refused to move. Meanwhile, he continued walking and talking to himself until he realized she was gone. Panicking, he searched everywhere but to no avail. Finally, he returned home to ask the matchmaker, only to learn the situation. Hoping to arrange another meeting, he was told the girl believed their future wouldn't be smooth after such an initial encounter. Dejected, he recounted the incident to his mother, who blamed him for days for being too careless and warned no girl would want a man like him.
I, on the other hand, told him about my worst blind date ever, where I ended up meeting a bald man. Not only was he wearing a wig, but his face was covered in pimples, resembling Li Huozi. Furious, I confronted the matchmaker, who justified his actions by claiming the man was merely bald on top and was already a section chief, soon to be promoted to deputy director. He accused me of judging people by their looks and failing to recognize talent. This left me speechless.
As time passed, we grew closer. I learned he had a family of four, including a younger brother, leading me to jokingly call them two monks. Knowing I had two sisters, he humorously compared our family to the in-laws of Zhu Bajie, even likening himself to Zhu Bajie, making me blush and feel flustered. Unconsciously, we had fallen into our roles.
One day, he suddenly declared, "You adorable thief, you've stolen my emotions and my heart. I plan to sue you in court. The judge can sentence you to lifelong companionship with me." His words made my heart race wildly.
After a moment of silence, he said he wanted to call me, and I silently agreed. Unexpectedly, when the phone rang and I picked it up with trembling hands, the voice on the other end was so standard, so melodious, and full of charm that I had never heard such a pleasant male voice. In my quiet little room, his voice seemed to come from heaven, accompanied by celestial music. I was so enchanted that I almost felt weightless and transparent, unaware of time and place. Once, when I asked about his profession, he said he worked in information dissemination. I guessed if he was a journalist, but he denied it. I asked if he worked for the telecommunications bureau, but he said no. Then I guessed newspaper or magazine, but he said neither. Finally, I thought of television and guessed host, but he still said no. When I guessed broadcaster, he sent several smiley face icons. At that moment, his excellent voice confirmed my suspicion, and later facts proved I was right.
People are often like this. Before hearing his voice, though we chatted well and had great chemistry, it felt like something was missing. But after hearing his voice and talking on the phone, everything changed. He even sent me an email:
"Our relationship, under the correct guidance of the telecom company and the warm concern of computer merchants, has developed healthily over the past month, mainly characterized by:
One, we've chatted multiple times, spent considerable time, and gained significant understanding;
Two, we live in the same city, providing a realistic foundation;
Three, I am a bachelor, and so are you, making us similar.
These three points clearly indicate: through a month of interaction, we've formed a consensus in our feelings. Our main relationship is mutual understanding and care. We are equal and mutually beneficial. Of course, any matter has two sides, and flaws are inevitable. There's a gap in our enthusiasm, but these are flaws in progress. In the new month, I believe we will build on our achievements, overcome our shortcomings, persevere, and create a new chapter in our relationship..."
Therefore, I propose three points for your consideration: focus on one word - love; emphasize one action - intimacy; implement one goal - unity.
Let's uphold the spirit of unity, perseverance, and resilience to jointly enhance our relationship, striving to reach new heights and steps. Following the principle that we build our relationship together, creating a brilliant future.
"You are the book, I am the cover; you are the rat, I am the cat; you are the wood, I am the glue; you are the pork, I am the knife. Our relationship is so strong, what else is unclear?"
Yours sincerely,
Little L
Monkey Year Horse Month
As time passed, besides online contact, we exchanged other ways of communication. He gave me his mobile number, and I gave him mine. If I hadn't logged on by eight o'clock on any given night, my phone would ring three times on time. Then I would set aside all matters and rush online to see Xiao Luo. We often started chatting at eight and sometimes continued until three or four in the morning without wanting to log off. The midnight in the real world was silent, and the online midnight wasn't noisy or crowded anymore. Often at this time, some inappropriate messages appeared, akin to hungry wolves howling in the night, making one's scalp tingle and feel nauseous. Occasionally returning to reality, the darkness of the room also frightened me, but with Xiao Luo by my side, fear made me feel his reliability and safety even more. Unconsciously, I had come to rely on him as my spiritual support.
In the midnight chat room, Xiao Luo often caressed my long hair, whispering to me: "Baby, even though I haven't met you yet, your soul is so pure and beautiful." In the silence and darkness of the night, his tender words, devoid of any sexual or unhealthy undertones, often made my face flush and my heart race. Through the barriers of time and space, I felt pure emotion, warmth, and beauty. Compared to some modernists who seek intimacy upon meeting, I found Xiao Luo's innocence and nobility more trustworthy and dependable. I told him I wasn't pretty, and he replied that beautiful girls don't necessarily bring happiness, claiming he was ugly himself. I took this as modesty and believed that even if he really were ugly, I wouldn't care.