The Superpickle Part Six: The Pickle and the Weasel
Pickle knew that becoming a superhero was not something that happened overnight. In the past, he would have needed to be familiar with astronomy, geography, Confucianism, Taoism, history, literature, music, chess, calligraphy, painting, military strategy, swordsmanship, as well as all the secret skills of Shaolin monks. But times had changed. Now, in addition to these things, he also needed the abilities of a space superhero – able to emit light at will, catch fire when necessary, and possess the power of thunder. However, acquiring these skills seemed far from his current situation. He decided to start where he was and first learn how to release stinky farts from the weasel.
He chose this path because he believed that being a superhero required biochemical weapons, and relying solely on Shaolin Temple's martial arts was now outdated. For instance, if someone had a gun and shot from dozens of meters away, before you could even crouch into a horse stance and get ready, you'd already be finished. Furthermore, using biochemical weapons didn't come with legal liabilities. If you punched someone and they died or got injured, everyone would see it, and there'd be undeniable evidence against you. But with biochemical weapons, there were no traces, so who would know? Mastering biochemical weapons – that's what made a true superhero!
The weasel’s fart was invisible, intangible, portable, and completely natural – truly an excellent biochemical weapon. Pickle had personally witnessed the weasel knocking out a large group of rats and frogs with just one stinky fart. So, he decided to first learn how to fart.
Pickle became friends with the weasel, which left everyone utterly baffled. They said that Pickle, such a honest child, had gone astray after gaining some skills, spending all his time with the weasel, a little thug who loved stealing chickens.
Pickle practiced for a long time. His farts grew louder and more powerful, but they never smelled. The weasel's fart could knock out mice and frogs, while Pickle's sounded like cannon fire, creating craters in the ground but remaining odorless. This left Pickle feeling quite helpless and deeply admiring the weasel. Whatever the weasel asked him to do, he did. Once, when the weasel went to steal a chicken and lacked a helper, he tricked Pickle into following him to help scatter rice and lure the hens out. Not only did they fail to steal the chicken, but they also lost a bag of rice, and everyone found out that Pickle had participated in the theft.
When the news reached Mama Ma, she scolded Pickle and forbade him from associating with the weasel again. Pickle stayed home for three days, reflecting on himself and realizing that he had strayed from the right path. Hedgehogs' spines and weasels' farts were innate abilities, honed over hundreds of years by their ancestors. If he blindly imitated them, it would take years just to learn how to fart, leaving no time to learn other skills. At this rate, by the time he became a superhero, Rose would already be married. No, this couldn't continue. Thinking this, Pickle realized that what he wanted was the ability to produce a smell potent enough to knock people out, not necessarily through farting. With this realization, he wouldn’t need to strain his face red every day trying to hold in farts; he just needed to focus on producing the smell.
Pickle locked himself in his room, refusing to eat or bathe, obsessively pondering how to create a terrible smell. After several days without finding a good method, when he finally stepped out of the room, he discovered that everyone who saw him covered their noses. It turned out that his prolonged lack of bathing had made him sticky and smelly. Seeing others so afraid of him, Pickle was overjoyed, thinking: "Truly, heaven helps those who help themselves. I wanted a bad smell, and here it is."
Half a month later, Pickle finally figured out a way to make himself smell so foul that it could not only knock people unconscious but also make them vomit uncontrollably, surpassing even the weasel's stinky farts in power. Even the weasel gave him a thumbs-up, saying, "Pickle, you've graduated!"
Ever since Pickle acquired this skill, he helped the villagers countless times. One day, when the urban management officers came to demolish Magpie's nest, claiming it was an illegal construction affecting the city's appearance, Magpie called Pickle in desperation. As soon as Pickle stood there, he knocked out several officers with his smell. When the police arrived, they couldn't do anything because hygiene was a personal choice and not within their jurisdiction. After this incident, the urban management officers no longer dared to bother Mama Ma's stall at the market. Seeing how effective Pickle's ability was, Mama Ma thought about making money from it. But Pickle refused, saying he could help the villagers, but he wouldn't earn money from it because he still needed to learn other skills. He was eager to become a superhero and meet Rose. Making money was too vulgar for him.