Suddenly, I realized that I haven't written a single blog post for her in such a long time... I feel ashamed. She considers me her entire life, yet I haven't written anything for her—not even some thoughts or feelings. Sometimes, I really doubt the sincerity of my love for her. But to have lasted this long, I think it's worthwhile. Maybe men's love is indeed more subtle; though I've never expressed it openly, I truly cherish and uphold this love with all my heart.
After the college entrance exam results were announced, she gave me a love diary...(The following will explain why) Below are her entries in the first person:
"Year 2007, May 29th - Xiaotian gave me an angel.
At 12:35 PM, at Jiawang city fast food restaurant, Wang Zefeng and I met for the first time."
(I remember this too, just not as precisely as she does.)
June 30th, 2007, 4:15 PM
'Trouble telling Sixin that I'll look for her after school... Thank you...'
Our first text message
(The letters we exchanged, she has kept them all. Only later when her phone was stolen did we lose some of them.)
June 5th, 2007, 23:20 PM
'Go to bed early, today I'll buy you breakfast. What do you want?' (The underlined part was sent by me...)
This breakfast remained unpaid until May 2nd, 2008.. Maybe next life...
(Because on that day when I bought lunch, the OK convenience store happened to be out of power... As per the note)
June 6th, 2007 Black Day. This was the first time we ate alone together. I gave you a white rope.
On the eighth day of knowing each other, you made me cry. I skipped a day of school, but on this day, I realized I had fallen in love with you.
June 8th, 2007 The first day we were officially together, the first private date, the first time we held hands, the first time I gave you a bracelet, the first time I became Wang Zefeng's girlfriend...
June 14th, 2007 Today was the first time in public, on the bus seat, I hugged you.
But on the sixth day of being together, we broke up...
(I don't know why I suddenly said we should break up... My brain must have been full of nonsense back then...)
July 15th, 2007 You didn't take off the bracelet
It was the only mark I left on you.
You said: "Wear it, keep it in your heart..."
Where exactly is your heart?
July 31st, 2007 night, 0:10 AM
Are you continuing our connection so you're using another number to approach me?
I'm in Shanghai, I miss you.
August 15th, 2007 Beisha, a place I'll never forget.
Do you still remember that day? You held my hand and let go saying: "Something's missing."
I thought at that moment, is it a ring?
That day you let me lean into your chest, hugging me tightly. You closed your eyes... moved... First time closing your eyes.
(That was to experience Guangzhou Metro Line 4. We got on at 8 AM from Dongshan Kou station. When we arrived, it was past the last train time... Trapped in Beisha, we rented a car to return... Ah.. She says if a kiss doesn't close the eyes, it's not sincere... I somewhat disagree.)
September 4th, 2007 The first day of school, officially becoming a senior teacher,
Also implying that the days I could stay by your side were numbered.
(If I had known back then that we'd end up together after high school... Would I have had such foolish ideas?)
September 27th, 2007 Today you told me, you no longer liked Hanhan and planned to meet during the long holiday in November.
I said 'See you on the 3rd,' you said 'Five days,' eventually, we spent three days together on October 3rd, 4th, and 5th...
Three days outside, satisfied!!
October 31st, 2007 night You were nervous for the first time, asking me if I liked Dahuan.
Actually, you really didn't need to ask. I am still the same now. I will always wait for you.
(Truthfully, I was always nervous... Just generally didn't show it.)
November 3rd, 2007 Second time being together, as your girlfriend...
First time crying for someone... Have you started liking me a little bit more since then?
(I rarely cry in front of others. In this lifetime, probably only four times besides in front of my parents.)
November 12th, 2007 We broke up again, second time.
A thousand unwillingnesses, but I wish more for your freedom.
(Thank you)
December 3rd, 2007 Perhaps the only birthday I can celebrate with you.
But on this day, we didn't see each other. Silently wishing you a happy birthday in my heart...
(This birthday seemed like I was drinking with brothers in the park... But I actually thought about you...)
January 26th, 2008 End of the first semester.
The only gold medal fell into my hands today..
(The gold medal was from the football team losing the principal's cup. It was the only gold medal in my high school years... Very heavy.)
February 6th, 2008 midnight 00:01 AM
"I just came out of the police station." From this moment on, I have been waiting for your letter.
(When I was young, I didn't know better and caused trouble...)
February 9th, 2008 My 18th birthday, I didn't tell you. Actually, I didn't go anywhere that day.
All appointments were canceled. I wanted to leave it for you, even if I was alone, I celebrated my 18th birthday in my heart as if you were there for me.
(I remembered it all along... Just that day there was an unexpected event... To deal with the trouble I caused.)
February 11th, 2008 Bought a silver medal as a birthday gift for you.
Silver medal exchanged for a gold medal. You lost, hoping you'll be happy.
(The silver medal was a pendant on a necklace... You really liked it, unfortunately, I can't wear silver items.)
February 12th, 2008 At 11:35 AM called, at 2:09 PM you disappeared.
This was the day I cried the most. Without you, these 3 months ahead, I'm done. Can I see you today?
(It's not right, it's because of my own foolishness, causing trouble and worrying you...)
February 13th, 2008 School starts, but I didn't dare to find you in Class 15.
Afraid to see your seat empty. Fortunately, you came back...
March 1st, 2008
+8613430385544 => +8615813315202
Thank you for telling me, at least I can still find you...
(I willingly changed it... Didn't want to worry you...)
May 3rd, 2008 Today you left a note
'I will love you.' Wang, thank you.
(Thank you should be said by me... I owe you ten thousand thanks that I haven't finished repaying...)
May 9th, 2008
I broke down... You asked for the first time, 'Why?'
Does it mean you started to care?
May 28th, 2008 Anniversary... Alone...
June 6th, 2008 College entrance exam day, thank you for coming today.
Giving me strength, clothes, world, leaving them to me.
(Because she said my school uniform smelled bad... I thought it might be the fabric softener smell. She said it wasn't...)
June 12th, 2008 Third time together.
Silently praying, may heaven bless us.
(Not heaven blessing you... It's me blessing...)
June 27th, 2008 11:35 AM
College entrance exam results announced. Stop or continue?
(I think let nature take its course... But more mutual efforts are needed... Leave it to fate...)
June 28th, 2008
Harbin and Changchun are already far away.
The heavens treated me too cruelly, meeting you is the miracle of my life... (When filling out preferences, we happened to argue. Only later did we realize that we both applied to schools in Northeast China... Maybe it was destined...)
Unfortunately, she was accepted and I wasn't... Which means we will face a long-distance relationship...)
A certain month and day in 2008
The admission notice arrived... No matter where you go, wish you happiness...
Wait for me, if you get used to it, come back... I won't leave...
(She decided to end it... Before university, she concluded our relationship... Then gave me this love diary...
Following are specific text messages and times between us... Here they are not listed one by one... Too many...)
There are also places we went together... She took pictures and stuck them below... Excited...
Photos include approximately:
Bus stop near my house "Guangzhou Avenue Zhong Bus Stop"
Shaded path downstairs from my house...
Entrance to my elementary school...
T-junction behind the university...
Noodle shop where we ate noodles together...
KFC on Gonglin Lower Road...
"Tianwang Plaza Fireworks"
Tanhua Hotel...(Once when Guo Ding's birthday celebration got us drunk... He sent me there... Then I returned home)
Korean BBQ place "Qingwa Ju" near my house...
Metro Line 4...(Unforgettable experience... Afterward, I dared not do such foolish things anymore)
Cinema 6th Hall...(We watched "Eternal Love"... Normal people might work through it... We cried ourselves crazy...)
She also told me:
"Although I can't love you forever, I promise I will love you until death."
Really stupid...
In fact, I truly believe our love should end here... This love diary, I will keep well...
Later, there's an advertisement... The content afterward is even more exciting!
Flexible... Doesn't shrink water... Ball King pants... Best companion for chubby boys...
He is the brightest new star of 2009... He is the driving force behind our country's aerospace industry... Yes, Grandpa Dog Airlines... Men's choice...
After the ad, let me share my personal feelings about this experience...
Indeed... She has sacrificed way too much for me... Visible... Invisible... Perhaps even more...
Even now, I still don't fully understand...
The first time I saw her, I didn't even know who she was...
Back then, she was Huang's girlfriend... Seemingly at the start of the second semester of junior year... I saw her when I was eating with Xiao Mo and others...
Until this moment eating at Jiawang, I recognized her...
She told me... While eating, she kept staring at me... Because my expression while eating resembled someone she hated very much...
So she asked for my number... At that time, we talked about some rather deep topics... For example, many women like sweets... etc...
I felt she approached me thinking I was that person... Even going overboard... Every morning before school, she would prepare water for me...
Sometimes buying me lunch, snacks, etc... I told her clearly not to buy anymore... I couldn't afford it... Never had a woman treat me like this...
Except for my mom... Sometimes I even felt a severe sense of guilt... Later, the frequency significantly decreased... Occasionally helping me with water...
Or perhaps sticking notes on my desk... Encouraging me to study... Not to sleep during class...
The second time we were together was because I genuinely felt she was good to me... Feeling indebted... Because she was silently being good to me...
I saw it all in my eyes... I didn't know if returning her affection was correct... More afraid that she knew I was with her out of a sense of debt...
So after dragging it for a few days, I said we should break up... I didn't know if I truly liked her or purely out of debt... This ambiguous love...
I couldn't handle it... I didn't expect her to be so serious... Thinking she just mistook me for that person, so she was good to me...
But after breaking up... She didn't give up... Still waited quietly... Silently sacrificed...
At this point, I felt powerless in love for the first time... Confused... Not knowing what to do or whether I should do something...
Or perhaps what I could do... Treat her as she treats me...? I couldn't... Because I knew our love wasn't on the same level...
As she said, my love for her was less than one-tenth of hers for me... I knew... Unlike her, I wasn't that devoted to love... I lacked sincerity...
And wouldn't persist in my love like her... Indeed... What have I done for her...? Buy breakfast...? Haven't succeeded... Help her with water...? Don't have the courage... Wait for her...? Back then, there wasn't enough reason for me to deeply love her... Probably at that time, my feelings for her were gratitude plus a bit of debt...
Sometimes I really wanted to try to understand her... Attempt to love her... But found myself already disillusioned with love...
Perhaps more importantly, I was afraid to face this topic... Afraid of truly falling in love... Getting hurt... Becoming disillusioned again...
After the college entrance exam ended... Everything that should be done was done... Knowing how precious the time she could see me was... Because before the exam, she often secretly ran to the corridor to peek at me...
Sometimes I noticed... More often, I didn't realize she was looking at me... She said just seeing me would make her very satisfied...
How could I understand her feelings... Cherishing what I loved... Perhaps her deeper emotions... I, this love-ignorant person, couldn't comprehend...
But I knew... After primary school, we would likely be separated... Perhaps a lifetime wouldn't reunite us...
The only thing I could do was to repay my debt as much as possible before university... Though I knew it wasn't entirely possible...
What she did for me has already exceeded what I can comprehend... Even if I repay for a lifetime, I couldn't possibly finish...
In the end, I still proposed to be together... Regardless of whether we'd be in the same city afterward... Before September, we would be together...
For however long, it would be fine... Actually, it wasn't just about separating before university...
Thus, in these two months after the exam... We began a real couple life... Also known as a nominal life...
I think this is what she wanted most... I tried to understand her... Her family... Her past...
Only then did I realize... She changed a lot because of me... Calmed down... Focused... Became persistent...
Only then did I recognize... She was truly the angel God gave me... Besides my mom... She was the best person to me...
Regardless of the past... Present... Or future... She would definitely be... When my eyes were injured, she bought food for me...
When I played games, she quietly watched me... She completely integrated herself into my life... Buying things that made me happy...
Reading books I liked... Trying to adapt to my habits... Solving everything she could help with...
Even learning to play WOW for me... Those days playing WOW together, I will never forget...
After the commercial break...
Xu Zhiruo brand bicycles... A perfect combination of fashion and modernity...
Hongyu brand mosquito repellent water... Even mosquitoes can't resist liking this mosquito repellent water...
Let me tell you a small story...
After the college entrance exam, many people in our grade were playing WOW... Everyone gathered...
We decided to complete it ourselves... Since H wasn't keen on RAID... I became the guild leader...
Because during that period, we were so obsessed with the game... We barely had time to spend with her... So she decided to accompany me in playing WOW...
This way, we could spend more time together daily... So I could only bring her along to participate in the guild activities...
They called her "Guild Leader Lady"... Made her happy... Made me happy...
Before I quit WOW... There were also reasons related to her...
I didn't want to lose the few months we had together because of the game...
At that time, we both thought we would separate before university... Since she was admitted to Changchun and I to Chongqing...
Northeast and Southwest... Diagonally opposite ends of the country... I was powerless... Perhaps we should let nature take its course...
Enjoy whatever time we have together... Treasure every moment...
Maybe she thought the same... So she made a love diary... She said she wanted to give it to me before leaving...
No matter if we stay together afterward... This would be a memento of our love... But she said she still loved me as before...
Even if we couldn't be together... She would continue to wait...
I love her... Love her genuine kindness towards me... Love her persistence... Love her dedication to maintaining her position in my heart...
Can't remember when it started... When she called me "Husband"... I no longer found it strange... Perhaps it was because deep inside, I truly accepted this love...
Turning debt into true love... Diligently fulfilling the role of "Little Husband"...
I love her... Although not even one-tenth of her love for me...
Finally, August came... She would go to Changchun... I to Chongqing... She left first...
The last night... I gave her my high school team jersey... Her reaction was strange... She spoke unnaturally...
I knew she wanted to cut off those feelings... I also knew she cared more than I did... She found it harder to let go...
We walked under the moonlight all night... She was conflicted... Pretended naturally to comfort me... Told me not to overthink...
To let nature take its course... Drag it out as long as possible... I knew she suffered more... Two years of effort... Two years of waiting...
Still couldn't overcome the distance... Being in different cities... Was indeed difficult... How long this relationship could last... No one knows...
I knew she cried many times because of this... Her eyes were red when I saw her... Yet she wouldn't cry in front of me...
Wanted me not to suffer too much... In the end, she still didn't say the word "breakup"... She told me it was because I cried that night...
She feared I would suffer so she didn't say it... Actually, I restrained myself from crying... Just my eyes watered... I didn't dare to cry... Knew if I cried...
She would suffer even more... Feel even more conflicted... I promised her... I would strive to maintain this love... Until graduation...
Said those words with great difficulty... Just didn't want her to suffer... Knew even if I dated someone else after high school...
She wouldn't let go... But I still hoped she would take hope to Changchun, not tears...
The next day after she left... We met... When she left, I didn't hesitate... Quickly walked out of her sight after getting off the car...
Afraid she would see me cry and not be able to leave... On Dongchuan Road... I tearfully walked all the way to the entrance of Sun Yat-sen Medical University...
After arriving in Changchun, she told me she continued crying for several days... Maybe because she wasn't accustomed to the unfamiliar city and university life...
Actually, it was mostly because of me... I knew she cared deeply about this relationship... And wanted to maintain it...
She worried we might break up for any reason... Began to become overly anxious... The more she cared... The more painful it became...
I didn't know the success rate of long-distance relationships... She often told me many couples in long-distance relationships around her broke up...
I understood her concerns... Given my past recklessness... And inability to reassure others...
I could only frequently comfort her... Told her not to overthink... Told her... My love for her was no longer one-tenth of hers...
Promised her no unexpected events would occur... No factors that could damage our relationship would appear...
In university... I hardly interacted with female classmates... Fortunately, my university was a science school... Few girls, more guys...
This reassured her a lot... Knew I must spare no effort to maintain this love... Knew how much she valued it...
She said to me, perhaps I was just a person to her... But in her heart... I was her entire world...
Understood how heavy this responsibility was... Over four thousand kilometers of distance... Enough to destroy a relationship multiple times...
Four years isn't something