A close friend told me that he and his girlfriend broke up. He obviously cared about her so much, but felt numb. I didn't know what to say. The reason was because the distance made love too exhausting.
I wonder if distance really makes love lose its direction? Some people say distance creates beauty, others say sometimes distance creates just distance itself.
I was also very afraid that distance would make me lose a lot, a lot. I didn't dare to think about it. I just had to bravely tell myself that if it's real love, then distance doesn't matter. Someone said: "If two hearts are in perfect harmony, why should they care whether they are together day or night?" But we forget that sometimes distance makes us miss someone so much, wanting to know if everything is fine with them.
Love is truly a heavy word. Sometimes, distance makes me realize!
I don't know when it started, but I found that we were getting more and more argumentative. We no longer have anything in common. I'm really tired. You say I've changed. Perhaps, all this is just your overthinking. I've said, I trust you, I trust our love. Even with the distance, I'm not afraid. I also know I haven't done enough. I didn't go to your dad's birthday, I didn't know what to say. I was afraid of making things worse. I started skipping classes non-stop, trying not to stay stagnant, but still fell into decadence and depression. With earplugs on, music echoing in my ears, filtering out the noise of the world!
Distance isn't scary. But sometimes, it makes me feel so heartbroken. Have you ever thought, if you're really tired, really exhausted, what should you do? Do you know that we haven't argued as much as before recently? But somehow, I feel there's more strangeness between us. It feels like you don't care about our love as much as before. So I became more reckless, using extreme ways to prove that you care about me. Lately, I've been listening to one song repeatedly. So every night, I sleep after midnight. During the day, I try hard to fall asleep, but inside, I feel heartbroken. I don't understand why. Does expressing feelings through words only convey sadness? I originally wanted to write something happy, but it turned out like this. What exactly is going on?
I'm not afraid of distance, but I'm increasingly afraid of walking alone, increasingly afraid of being alone, yet I still pretend. I deliberately go to the internet cafe alone, deliberately eat alone, deliberately wander around aimlessly alone. I just want to tell myself that loneliness is not scary. But I feel more and more lonely. Your phrase "It's okay, I'm used to it" often makes me feel cold, almost unable to breathe. I wish you would say "I care, I don't like you doing that", then I wouldn't do it anymore. Your habit makes me feel unimportant, so you don't care. Perhaps, it's not like that. But an unintentional dream still haunts me until now. If one day, really one day, can I leave as decisively and gracefully as in the dream?
Qin Wen
Distance, I used to be very afraid, very afraid that it would become an excuse for you to take away my world. Now I've let it go. Distance will make true love lose its way.