A close friend told me that he and his girlfriend had broken up. He obviously cared about her so much, but felt numb. I didn't know what to say. The reason was because the distance made love too exhausting.
I wonder, does distance really make love lose its way? Some people say distance creates beauty, others say sometimes distance creates only distance itself.
I was also very afraid of losing a lot due to distance, not daring to think about it. I just bravely told myself that if I truly loved, then distance wouldn't matter. Someone said: "If two hearts are forever in love, why should they care about being together night and day?" But we forget that distance sometimes makes one think of another person so much, wanting to know if everything is fine with them.
Love is indeed a very heavy word. Sometimes, distance lets me understand!
I don't know when it started, but I found that we were increasingly arguing more. We no longer had anything in common. I was really tired. You said I had changed, perhaps all this was just your overthinking. I said, I believe in you, I believe in love. Even with distance, I'm not afraid. I also know I haven't done well enough. On your father's birthday, I didn't go. I didn't know what to say if I went, fearing things would get worse. I began skipping classes nonstop, not wanting to stay stagnant, yet still falling into decadence. Wearing earplugs, the music echoed in my ears, filtering out the noise of the world.
Distance isn't scary, but sometimes it makes me feel heartache. Actually, I once thought, if I was really tired, what should I do? Do you know that we haven't argued as much as before... but there's a sense of unfamiliarity between us. It feels like you don't care about our love as much as before, so I became even more unruly. I used extreme ways to prove that you care about me. These days, I keep listening to the same song repeatedly, so I always sleep after midnight, trying hard to fall asleep during the day. My heart feels sour, I can't understand why. Does writing down these feelings only express sadness? I originally wanted to write something happy, but it turned out like this. What exactly is going on?
I'm not afraid of distance, but I am increasingly afraid of walking alone, increasingly afraid of being alone, yet I still pretend. I deliberately go to the internet cafe alone, deliberately eat alone, deliberately wander around aimlessly alone. I just want to tell myself that loneliness isn't scary, but I feel increasingly lonely. Your sentence "It's okay, I'm used to it" often makes me feel cold to the point where I can't breathe. I wish you would say "I care a lot, I don't like you doing that", then I wouldn't do it anymore. Your habit makes me feel like I'm not important to you, so you don't care. Perhaps, it's not like that, but an unintentional dream still haunts me until now. If one day, really one day, can I leave as decisively and gracefully as in my dream?
I used to be very afraid of distance. I feared it would become an excuse for you to take away my world. Now, I've let go. Distance can make true love lose its direction.