There is a saying: "Not being beautiful is something women absolutely cannot tolerate, but lack of cultivation is something men absolutely cannot tolerate." Beauty in appearance is always initial, static, superficial, and transient, like a meteor streaking across the sky, fleeting and without vitality. However, time can erase a woman's youthful beauty, but it cannot erase the beauty that only emerges after years of accumulation. This true beauty is the cultivation achieved by a woman after enduring the trials of time, like the fragrance of fruit in autumn, exuding from within.
Many women may look beautiful, but their rude behavior often makes men keep their distance or feel repelled. On the other hand, women with average looks but cultivated speech and actions frequently win the hearts of men.
If a woman is always self-centered, never considering the other person's position, or even ignoring the existence of others, working or living with such a woman would make one feel dull and uninteresting.
Conversely, if a woman can always think for others in her interactions, possessing a heart of tolerance, forbearance, and empathy, then this woman can be truly called a cultivated woman.
Many people believe that cultivation means a woman's external beauty, but this idea is completely wrong.
A person's cultivation is often reflected in their subtle actions, in every word and deed, in every gesture and movement.
A model mother once said: "One can roughly judge the beauty of a family, the effort put in by its housewife, and her love for the home, by how clean and tidy the kitchen and bathroom are. This is indeed an important point."
Another well-known entrepreneur also said: "Just by looking at the washrooms in office buildings, one can tell whether a company is solid and prosperous, and whether its female employees have good cultivation."
Of course, most people still prefer to judge a person's level of cultivation based on their external behavior. If someone curses, harms others, damages property, injures others physically, or does things beyond moral standards, these are all signs of lacking cultivation.
To become a cultivated woman, one must pay attention to daily behaviors in life and continuously expand reading horizons to improve knowledge cultivation. Only in this way can one comprehensively enhance personal cultivation.
If one can store the knowledge they absorb in their mind, further reflect on it, form their own opinions and insights, and then express them in their own words, then they can truly be called knowledgeable and cultivated.
Cultivated women constantly spur themselves on.
This means not indulging oneself, but adopting a strict attitude towards oneself. If one indulges oneself while being harsh on others, such a person does not deserve to be called cultivated.
A famous Hollywood actress often said: "My educator is myself."
The reason she could correctly control herself and gain recognition for her acting was because she constantly spurred herself on. Although she received little formal education, she still shaped herself into a woman of good cultivation.
So, how can one possess cultivation?
First, one must be able to think from the other person's perspective.
Second, one must be able to speak based on one's own thoughts.
Third, one must be able to spur oneself on.
These three conditions are indispensable for women with cultivation.
Before marriage, as a woman, one must comprehensively improve personal cultivation in order to firmly capture a man's heart and ultimately ensure the stability and long-term happiness of the marriage relationship.
Additionally, we must understand some manifestations of women lacking cultivation so that we can remain vigilant in our post-marriage daily behavior.
1. Shallow-minded and small-hearted.
2. Likes to investigate her husband's whereabouts when he goes to work.
3. Likes to secretly check her husband's pockets.
4. Does not allow her husband to leave her sight for even a minute.
5. Makeup lacks finesse, overly pursuing heavy makeup. For example, eyebrows drawn too thickly, losing feminine gentleness; cheeks with too much blush; lipstick contrasting too sharply with skin tone; whitening lotion and beauty cream making the face pale and greenish, losing elegant simplicity.
6. Not filial to in-laws, only filial to one's own parents.
7. Always complains about her husband's incompetence and inability to manage household affairs.
8. Gender consciousness overly diluted, casually slapping shoulders, patting butts, and playing around with men.
9. Not热情towards friends and relatives.
10. Unable to tolerate others' flaws and mistakes, never considering what others need.
11. Overly obsessed with one's own appearance and figure, seeking admiration and flattery from others.
12. Not self-respecting or self-loving, showing off flirtatiously, being too casual in sexual matters.
13. Unwilling to hear criticism, hypocritical, dishonest, merciless when turning against others, ignorant, and lacking ambition.
14. Likes to provoke quarrels, unwilling to give in.
15. Proclaims gender equality but demands privileges everywhere.
16. Speaks in a roundabout manner, complicating simple things.
17. Extremely possessive.
18. Extreme in love and hate — often resorting to crying, making scenes, and threatening suicide to achieve goals.
In response to these phenomena, we must remain vigilant.
Three things women do that men cannot tolerate are: 1. Narrow-mindedness and suspicion; 2. Stinginess, disregarding the man's dignity; 3. Lack of kindness and compassion.
A man wanted to divorce his wife, who disagreed, believing that she had endured hardships to support him, managed the household, and accompanied him through over a decade of entrepreneurship, whether rich or poor, and had done nothing to betray him. The man was not the wealthy tycoon people imagined, keeping mistresses; in fact, he was just an ordinary taxi driver, still working tirelessly to earn money.
However, his determination to divorce seemed strong, and he filed a lawsuit in court. The judge asked him, "Why do you want to divorce your wife?" The man said, "For three reasons, unbearable ones. I've endured for too long, and I don't want to endure anymore. It's like a balloon being blown up bigger and bigger, until it reaches its limit and bursts. I'm the balloon about to burst."
These three reasons are: 1. Narrow-mindedness and suspicion; 2. Stinginess, disregarding the man's dignity; 3. Lack of kindness and compassion.
After stating these three reasons, everyone felt dumbfounded because these were trivial daily behaviors, not major principle violations. But these trivialities, accumulated over time, became a ticking bomb in a family, destroying a household painstakingly built over more than a decade, and wasting a woman's youth, which cannot be regained.
The woman felt wronged and defended herself, saying everything she did was for the family, for saving money. But the man did not appreciate her efforts. Clearly, a woman's possession of good character and cultivation is very important in a man's eyes.
Therefore, a good woman is cultivated, leaving space for men in public situations and places, perceiving men's hobbies, skilled at understanding and sympathizing with men, not using petty cleverness, not being stingy, cultivated, lively, cute, gentle, refined, always giving men a fresh feeling!
Being a good, cultivated woman should also note the following points:
1. Modern women should not make men the center of their lives but should have their own lives, learning to embrace the world rather than merely owning a man. Life with a woman who only has men in her heart will be like wax, tasteless!
2. A pure and simple temperament is the most comfortable, making people feel refreshed, understand sincerity, experience breadth, and comprehend resilience.
3. Maintain a pleasant mood. Some men love melancholy goddesses, but no one wants to keep a melancholy goddess at home. True happiness and health come from within. Regardless of what one does, seek joy from within rather than always focusing on troubles. If the mood is really bad, simply have a good cry, and the next morning, life will still be happy—this is enough!
4. Good women not only take care of their faces and figures but also nurture their hearts. All beauty will be corroded by time, but one's cultivation, knowledge, experiences, and charisma will only grow stronger with time, which is a woman's most valuable wealth in life.
5. Good women know how to relieve men's stress. Nowadays, men generally face great pressure. Give him a chance to release it here. Many times, when he talks to you about many things, he doesn't necessarily need your advice. Just provide him with a good atmosphere for venting, patiently listen to him, don't offer your ideas or suggestions, but let him feel that you deeply care about his feelings, that you understand him and empathize with him, and he will feel much better inside.
6. If you're dissatisfied with his work and abilities, don't directly scold him. Men's self-esteem is fragile. Changing the way you say things can make a big difference. For example, instead of saying, "Look at how well Mr. So-and-so's husband is doing, look at you!" you can say, "I think you can do better than Mr. So-and-so!" If you don't want him to do something, instead of saying, "You never learn anything good! Look at Mr. So-and-so!" you can say, "You're not that kind of person, my husband wouldn't do such things? Such bad habits won't stick to you!" "That would be beneath your dignity!" A good woman is like a school that benefits a man for a lifetime.
7. When a man shows any signs of being unfaithful, don't immediately fly into a rage or change partners right away. After walking such a long road together, there will inevitably be some obstacles. Think about warming him back rather than kicking him out. Yes, there are plenty of men, but can the next one guarantee not to make mistakes? You can't keep changing endlessly. Men are like kites, and smart women know when to loosen the string and when to pull it.
8. Good women know how to appropriately switch roles. Some women are the type that depend on men, satisfying men's sense of masculinity; some women are maternal, making men feel secure and warm. However, if you always stick to one mode, over time, he might get bored. No one wants to always be relied upon, and no one wants to always be taken care of. Occasionally switching feels good—sometimes let him lean on you when he's tired, listening to your heartbeat as he falls asleep; sometimes let the gentle older sister act playful, coquettish, and full of admiration for him.
9. Good women can "shine in the hall and cook in the kitchen." This doesn't mean you have to be an excellent cook, but it means that outside the home, you are a dignified, elegant woman; behind closed doors, you can shed the lofty airs of a saint and be enchantingly feminine, a true woman among women.
10. Good women have their own opinions, can withstand the dyeing of life, and won't be corrupted by those around them engaging in infidelity or one-night stands. Those who play with fire will surely burn themselves, and mocking life will eventually be mocked by life.
Also, good women come in different personalities and characteristics, and the following types are very charming and cultivated:
1. She is a typical intellectual woman. Her exterior is simple, natural, and unadorned, her inner peace serene, uncompetitive, emphasizing individuality without ostentation.
2. She is a straightforward sunshine girl. Her natural, innocent nature infects everyone around her, her love for life, spontaneity, and sincerity.
3. She is a woman among women, classical yet romantic, full of allure but not vulgar or frivolous, with beauty as her ideal.
4. She is a strong-willed rational woman, decisive, intelligent, and kind, not impulsive, not overly emotional.
5. She is a contented woman of life, with low requirements for life, enjoying living easily and happily, not wanting pressure or turmoil in life.
Women may not be pretty, but they cannot lack cultivation. Among the important factors of elegant women, cultivation can be considered the highest pursuit and realm, endowing women with grace, charm, temperament, and taste. Cultivated women dress fashionably, have exquisite makeup, radiant spirit, and graceful demeanor; cultivated women are calm and restrained, composed and elegant, not pretentious, not fond of showmanship; cultivated women are a choice made according to their own will, a natural expression of temperament and taste.
Cultivated women are respected and pleasing. Cultivated women speak with moderation, are not sharp or cruel to others. In public settings, cultivated women are dignified and generous, not artificial, with gestures not frivolous, loving and good at expressing emotions, willing to praise and bless others. Being with cultivated women is like having a babbling brook flow by, nurturing and moistening those around them. Men usually respect women who are cultivated and have depth. But cultivation in women is not a gift from heaven but the result of later efforts.
To become a cultivated woman, one must pay attention to daily behaviors in life and continuously expand reading horizons to improve one's knowledge cultivation. At the Tsinghua Women's College Advanced Training Course for Outstanding Women, all topics revolve around meaningful discussions on women's self-awareness and growth, women and careers, women and families. If you can store the knowledge absorbed from the courses in your mind, further reflect on it, form your own opinions and insights, and then express them in your own words, then you can truly be called a cultivated person.
Nurture the mind: Let the soul be nourished
Cultivate the body: Let the body be cared for
Cultivate wisdom: Let wisdom be inspired
Only women who perfectly combine cultivation and wisdom are truly beautiful women. For today's women, this is both an ideal and a goal.
Time can erase a woman's youthful beauty, but it cannot erase the beauty that only emerges after years of accumulation. This true beauty is the cultivation and wisdom achieved by a woman after enduring the trials of time, like the fragrance of fruit in autumn, exuding from within.
Cultivation is an extreme insight into life experiences, a profound tranquility in life's insights, a simpler and purer state of mind. "Tranquility leads to far-reaching aspirations, and serenity leads to wisdom," this is the highest realm of cultivating oneself in traditional Chinese culture. Cultivated women understand that only after being indifferent to worldly affairs can one see through the mundane, and only when the heart is calm and introspective can one have foresight.
A cultivated woman is as quiet as orchids, fragrant and pervasive. Cultivated women will not lose their luster as time passes but will become increasingly dazzling and captivating.
Wisdom is an indispensable nutrient for beauty. Wisdom for men is sagacity and profundity, while wisdom for women is universal love and benevolence, confident competence, emotional abundance and independence, not being overly critical in assessing all things, and more importantly, knowing how to balance between gaining and losing wisely. Wisdom can gradually sculpt and shape a person from within. Wisdom allows women to truly grasp themselves and gain composure and confidence. Wise women exude transcendent charm and stand out from the crowd.
Women who value both cultivation and wisdom are outwardly beautiful and inwardly wise, suitable for both stillness and motion.
Women who value both cultivation and wisdom present beauty in different states at different times, radiating endless charm throughout their lives.
Women should be a forever stunning landscape, laughing at the passage of time, remaining beautiful...