The year I graduated from university, I was assigned to a very good government agency. There were few young people in this unit, and even fewer girls. My arrival drew everyone's attention. The leader in charge of our department specially had a talk with me, saying that I was young and talented, in the prime of my life, and had a bright future. He encouraged me to use my intelligence and talent, which made me feel excited, as if a bright future was waving at me. Then my direct superior had a conversation with me, saying that I was full of vitality, smart and enthusiastic, and encouraging me to play to my strengths and do a good job. After receiving the affirmation and instructions from my superior, I decided to work hard and achieve something.
So every day I was the first one to arrive at the office to clean up and organize files. I am outgoing and热情to people. My colleagues are older than me, plus I am diligent, so they all like me. My enthusiasm and ability often received praise from leaders and colleagues, and I was also very happy to work in such an environment. Over time, I always felt a pair of eyes watching me, it was my direct superior. This top boss is tall and handsome, has a beautiful wife and a well-behaved daughter, and his family is very happy, so I reminded myself not to be too suspicious. He is my boss and has a happy family, he will not have any improper thoughts about me.
However, his eyes really confused and troubled me. Several times when I met him in the corridor, his eyes were full of tenderness. Out of politeness, I greeted him, and he smiled: "Xiao Ke, you're doing a great job, everyone thinks highly of you!" Sometimes, he would pat my shoulder casually. Sometimes, when I passed by his office and happened to meet him, he would ask me to come in and talk, asking how my recent work was going? What difficulties did I have? What could he do for me? I reported honestly. He would also recommend some books for me to read. There were many books in his office, and he let me take them home to read. Occasionally, he would exchange ideas with me.
One day, this leader called me to his office. First, he asked about my recent work and thoughts, then helped me design my future and goals, and guided me on how to achieve these goals. I knew that if I wanted to achieve these beautiful goals, he was the person who could help me the most. As he was talking, he suddenly changed the subject to personal life, asking if I had a boyfriend? I shook my head, and he asked what kind of conditions I wanted? I said I hadn't considered this issue yet, and he was very pleased after hearing that: "Good, young people should focus on their careers, and make achievements while they are young." I nodded: "I still hope the leader can give me more guidance." He smiled happily: "No problem, I like comrades who are ambitious and strive for progress."
Then, he walked to my side and naturally put his hand on my shoulder. I didn't know what to do, sitting there blankly, not knowing whether to push his hand away or just leave it there. While I was hesitating, his hand began to caress my face. Just when I didn't know what to do, someone knocked on the door, and he calmly sat back in his chair. A colleague came in, my heart was pounding, but the other party looked calm, as if nothing had happened. He held a document in his hand and said to me: "Hmm, it's written well, you've improved, the language still needs to be more concise." After saying these words, he turned to my colleague and said: "Xiao Zhang, how's the report preparation going?" Xiao Zhang started reporting, and I slipped out of the office like I had done something wrong. Afterwards, I would often receive ambiguous text messages from him. Although I didn't like him, it was nice to have someone care about you when you were lonely, and it was quite useful.
One day near the end of work, my superior called me to his office to arrange an urgent task. When I arrived, he was sitting there, looking at me tenderly. To cover my nervousness, I started reporting, but my speech was a bit disordered. He didn't seem to mind, his eyes filled with compassion and something else I couldn't describe.
Finally, I finished my report. He looked at me and said a bunch of formalities, then started saying some sweet words about liking me. I felt my face burning, my heartbeat accelerating, but he didn't stop. I turned to walk towards the door, he quickly caught up and hugged me, kissing me. I struggled and wanted to shout, but I didn't. I knew it wouldn't be good for either of us, especially since all the colleagues had gone home. He kissed me, I resisted, but gradually felt comfortable and even enjoyed it. Maybe he sensed my change, he carried me to the sofa and started touching my body, passionately kissing me and calling me "darling". He said he was willing to do anything for me. He opened my shirt, I suddenly regained my reason - I couldn't give my first time to a man who couldn't be my husband. I said no, no, and pushed him away. He finally stopped and looked at me: "Baby, I really like you, give yourself to me, I want you." "No, I'm not married, it's not allowed." I firmly said. He sat up, helped me put on my shirt, I combed my hair and left.
The next day at work, I hid in the office, afraid to take a step outside except for using the restroom. I was worried about meeting him and reminded myself to stay natural, as if nothing had happened. Fortunately, I didn't meet him until I went home, I sighed with relief. On my way home, I received his call: "Xiao Ke, I drank some wine yesterday, I forgot everything you reported to me, I don't remember clearly, how did you go home?" "Oh, I took a taxi home, thank you leader for your concern." After that, this superior rarely contacted me.
My deputy leader said he loved me
Zhuang is my deputy leader, and also the leader of my direct superior. He was very kind and caring to me, 20 years older than me, steady and experienced in handling affairs, elegant and charming, a very mature and attractive man.
Sometimes, when I met him in the corridor, he had a smile on the corner of his mouth, his voice low and gentle, making people feel very comfortable. Sometimes, I would also sit in his office for a while. He listened patiently to me and taught me some working skills. I could feel that he really indulged me. So I was relatively relaxed in front of him. When there were social engagements in the unit, he would bring me and a female colleague in her thirties, making him very proud. The female colleague in her thirties...
Once, the deputy leader took us out drinking again. Different from before, this time he drove himself without using a driver. The dinner proceeded as usual, those men forced me to drink, despite not being able to hold my liquor well, I had to drink some. The deputy leader tried to protect me, but when he protected me, those people would start making inappropriate jokes. This time, the deputy leader didn't drink much, almost all handled by the female colleague.
A few hours passed, everyone was drunk. The deputy leader sent us two home. The female colleague was already completely drunk, slumped in the car. When we reached her house, I had to struggle to get her inside. The deputy leader then drove me home, but he parked the car in a secluded place. Then he got out of the car, came to the back seat, sat next to me, his eyes blazing with fire, hugging me and kissing me wildly. His alcohol-laden breath was repulsive and nauseating, I wanted to push him away, but his strength was enormous, I couldn't push him away. His masculine strength and smell pressed down on me, making it hard for me to breathe.
I started enjoying this feeling, he kissed my lips, my neck, he tore open my clothes, at that moment, I had no secrets left in front of him. He was lost in ecstasy, lying on top of me, kissing every part of my body, every corner. My heart opposed it, but my body didn't obey my command, enjoying his caresses and kisses... Finally, after we tidied up our messy clothes, he sent me home.
Lying in bed at night, I was a little scared. If he insisted on having a relationship with me, maybe I couldn't guard that last line of defense. Thinking about it, I felt a kind of longing in my body, longing for his passion and excitement. I was curious about that feeling and experience, and wanted to try it, but reason once again told me that I must keep my precious first time for the person I would eventually marry. After this, I often received text messages and calls from the deputy leader. Sometimes when I answered his call, he couldn't say much, asking what was wrong, he said he just wanted to hear my voice. Every time the weather changed, he would send a text message reminding me to add or subtract clothes. Sometimes, he would also tell me about personnel changes.
Once, his wife and son went on a trip, he asked me to come to his house. I hesitated, but still went. His house was very warm, with their wedding photo hanging on the bedside, looking very happy. He made coffee for me, as we drank, he asked me to feed him. I held the cup to his mouth, he shook his head, asking me to drink it first in my mouth, then feed him mouth-to-mouth. After feeding him the second sip, he tightly sucked on me, sucking strongly and kissing urgently, then he overwhelmed me. His body was strong, I lay there softly, letting him kiss and touch me wildly. When he wanted to break through the final barrier, I said no, really no. He stopped, hugged me, lay there for a while, then let me go home.
He still cared about me as before, those caring words warmed my heart. Sometimes I thought, marrying him wouldn't be bad. That day, passing by his...
When I was leaving work, I received his call again, saying he was waiting for me at ××. I went, got into his car, and went to his house. There was a lot of food in his fridge, he asked me what I liked to eat, then started cooking. Watching his busy back, I went over and hugged his waist, sticking closely to his back, and muttered: "If this were real, how wonderful it would be!"
"Darling, isn't this real?" "I mean, if we were a real family, how wonderful it would be." Hearing me say this, he suddenly stopped, looking at me worriedly: "The possibility is too small, what are you thinking?" At that moment, I felt very desolate, rebutting him: "It's not a matter of small possibility, it's impossible. You are 20 years older than me, I don't want an old man as my husband." He laughed: "That's true, Xiao Ke is really a smart girl." I ate a few bites and left. From then on, he rarely called me.
Why do I refuse them while longing for them at the same time? Originally, they kept sending text messages and making calls, now they don't disturb me much, instead, I'm not used to it, and even feel...