It is said that this year the number of undergraduate graduates reached 6.99 million people, it is said that less than two-thirds have signed employment contracts. It is also said that I found a job that seemed quite good, but it is said that I resigned.
Today, finally after being away for several days, I received my boss's final inquiry call asking if I intended to return. I very honestly lied to her, saying I would need a long time to finish my thesis and might not be able to come in during this period. After that, my boss expressed her thoughts, which were essentially that she didn't want me back anymore. When I hung up the phone, I finally realized that I had missed a great opportunity, at least in other people's eyes, this opportunity was extremely good.
For university graduates, to get a basic salary of four thousand yuan during the internship period, with monthly work allowances basically reaching three thousand yuan, such a job is something you can't even ask for. I encountered it, and then I gave it up.
If I am an idiot, I seriously believe this statement. Otherwise, why would I resign without any reason?
I liked my working state.
When I worked the early shift, I would wake up at five in the morning, wash up, and leave home when the sunrise just came over. There were few pedestrians on the street, and Beijing rarely has such quiet mornings. In the company, I would be busy all morning, enduring pressure from various aspects, waiting for noon to come, and often too busy to remember eating the breakfast I bought in the morning. When I worked the late shift, I could sleep in until I naturally woke up, then leisurely eat lunch, go to the company in the afternoon, and stay until deep into the night.
In the heavy night, watching a corner of the city, Wudaokou crossroads under my feet, vehicles flowing continuously, people coming and going, lights shining brightly. From many people to fewer people, I always sat there doing my work, and finally, I left that beautiful office building, carrying my huge backpack, crossing the crossroads, heading towards where I rented. The fifteen-minute walk felt like I was flying.
I also liked my colleagues and my boss. Although they often argued about promotions and raises, and they often had conflicts among themselves. However, my boss was very kind to me, always asking if I had any difficulties, scolding me without hesitation when I made mistakes, and objectively and truthfully telling me about the problems she encountered; my colleagues were also very nice to me, polite, although not very intimate, but absolutely not estranged.
I also really liked the content of my work. Every day, I browsed through global financial news, knowing how much A-shares fell, knowing the news that gold was sold out, and also selecting stories of college students becoming millionaires by cleaning toilets for the commoners to see. I paid attention to oil prices, housing prices, listened to the government talk about various policies, listened to Ren Zhiqiang express his views, and when I passed by Wudaokou, I saw that a 45 square meter house was already priced at 4.5 million yuan.
I also really liked where I worked. Tsinghua Science Park, very modern office buildings. Each person had their own cubicle, fast internet speed, the office had a public tea room, automatic vending machines, coffee machines, free tea, microwaves, and refrigerators. My seat was very good, on the 11th floor with a broad view, I could see the rich people coming out from the front of the Drunken Love restaurant, see the traffic on the road and the shoppers coming out from the Lotus shopping center.
I was very satisfied with my salary. My boss fought hard for me to get a high internship wage and starting salary. I could save a large sum of money before graduation. After officially joining, my salary would be the same as everyone else's, rising step by step. It was said that the company had 15 levels, but I never fully understood which level I belonged to from start to finish.
However, I resigned.
I don't know the reason. Escape has always been the theme of my life. Looking back now, from childhood to adulthood, I have been running away. Often, I have the thought of refusing to settle down, whenever there seems to be a glimmer of hope that I might stay, fear surges like a tsunami, flooding my body and mind. All my cells are shouting: run! But, what am I running away from? I don't know.
When I ultimately lost the opportunity for work and found myself once again among the crowd looking for jobs, I began to regret, my intestines turning green. Giving up things that don't belong to you is harder than giving up things that do belong to you, because things that don't belong to you aren't something you can willingly give up. The longing for something that doesn't belong to you often drives people crazy. However, things that you've already obtained become much cheaper.
Regretting aside, I started trying to return to the state of being a student, studying every day, practicing civil servant exam questions. I don't know why, but suddenly I wanted to go to the grassroots, meet the people there, hear their stories, bask in the sun every day, and lazily get up in the morning. However, this is just an imagination. The life I can live now is simply getting up at six o'clock, hurriedly looking at those administrative aptitude test math questions and essay answering techniques that I can't understand.
When I had some free time, I carefully thought about what I really wanted to do. From one place to another, I lived relying solely on feelings. Once, I thought that if I ever had the chance to leave my hometown, I would fly forward with all my might and never look back. However, when I truly had the opportunity to fly away, I looked back and realized that I didn't want to become a wandering nomad. The feeling of migration isn't so good.
I am fascinated by the neon lights in big cities at night, those red and green things that turn night into day, allowing me to fall into deep thought. I like them. I like the fashionably dressed little girls in big cities, their red lips, black stockings, and white thighs不分 season, making my body fall into deep thought. I also like them. At the same time, I don't reject, or rather, I also like those capable young men, their strong muscles often make me want to become them.
I like the bustling feeling of big cities. The crowded feeling of the subway during the morning rush hour, the sound of keyboards clattering in the office, handling multiple tasks at the same time. I often have moments in the dead of night when I'm so tired I can't sleep, and I don't blame this state. At that time, I probably wasn't thinking about anything, nor did I have the strength to think, my brain's actions were even slower than my physical actions.
I live on the bed I rent, thinking about the words written by Hai Zi: "I have a house, facing the sea, with spring flowers blooming." I think, I only have a rented bed, with a monthly rent of 700 yuan, rising every year. Sitting on my bed, I watch people come and go on other beds. I don't know where they come from or where they're going, and I don't know where I will go. Sometimes, I feel like I am just a passerby in my own life.
Decisions or ideas suddenly flash in a certain moment. I suddenly decided to resign. The day before, I was still planning well with friends on how to survive in Beijing, the next day, when my friend called me, I told him, I had already resigned. After resigning, I packed my luggage, had dinner and bid farewell to a few friends who were still striving. Then I took a large suitcase alone and moved back to school.
Boarding the train at noon, arriving at six in the morning the next day. The train swayed back and forth, and so did my heart. I didn't know what was waiting for me on the road ahead, nor did I know what kind of difficulties I would face. Under the premise that I wouldn't starve to death, my inner anxiety was somewhat relieved. When the train stopped, I dragged my heavy body and heavy suitcase off the train with difficulty.
At a certain moment, I felt that I might like something. For example, the moment I got off the train, I felt that I liked the cool morning of this place. I liked the darkness of my hometown at night, the pitch-black feeling. I liked the vast sky, letting me breathe freely. It seemed that I was focused on these things, so I started acting. When I knew that my life might not have these things, I was so depressed that I wanted to die.
Resignation, two words, requires tremendous courage to make the decision. Resigning before officially signing the contract can help me recover a bit of the loss. However, it can also be considered a great loss.
Without others telling me, I know how bad the employment situation is this year, I know that I gave up a good opportunity. However, I still gave it up. I tell myself, let the regret go, and then continue living.