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The people in the car got out and opened the car door for Su Ma and helped her out of the car. While helping Su Ma out of the car, that person glanced towards the cross of the church at the mountaintop. It was still quite a long distance from where that person and Su Ma were standing. After locking the sedan, that person turned around and slowly supported Su Ma up the stone steps. That person deeply moved Su Ma. That person took Su Ma all the way to inside the church and brought her before the priest without saying a word the entire time.
That person was Shi Zihang.
Shi Zihang was driving to run errands for his company. When he was crossing several roads and was about to enter the gate of a client's yard, he suddenly saw Su Ma crossing the road unsteadily through the car's rearview mirror as if she was dizzy. He wondered and found it strange why Su Ma's gait was so tilted. When he drove closer to Su Ma, he discovered that she was blind. Shi Zihang couldn't help but feel shocked. Why would Su Ma, who was perfectly fine, suddenly become blind? This made Shi Zihang both surprised and sad.
Since he had sold out Su Ma's address to Mr. Bo due to being financially desperate, he hadn't dared to see Su Ma again. Even during long, lonely nights, just thinking of Su Ma's name made him blush. That incident completely severed the friendship between him and Su Ma. He knew Su Ma wouldn't forgive him, and even he himself couldn't forgive himself. At that time, he was only thinking of killing two birds with one stone, completely forgetting whether this action would harm Su Ma. He thought that if he told Mr. Bo Su Ma's address, he could solve his own predicament and also help Mr. Bo and Su Ma reconcile. In a moment of impulsiveness, he made that decision. Afterwards, he realized how rash and reckless, selfish he had been. What did Su Ma mean to him? Was she a commodity? He often questioned himself when his conscience pricked.
His feelings and possessiveness for Su Ma vanished completely after that incident. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he felt it was like a distant dream and illusion. Su Ma was within reach yet seemed impossibly far away.
Would Su Ma ever talk to him again? Every time he asked himself this, he would feel dejected.
In his dejection, he would frequent hotels or small bars, indulging with bar girls, drinking excessively, and engaging in private affairs. Over time, he gradually forgot about Su Ma and also the betrayal of selling her out.
Chapter 18 of Part Five: Reunion with Scars (6)
In those places, he often drank until he stumbled and staggered. His spirit, will, and emotions were all wasted there. He completely lost the elegance and solemnity of the intellectual male he once was. He hung around with bar girls, speaking falsehoods and lies, and laughed wickedly after heavy drinking. During these wicked laughs, his hands, heavily covered in sweat hair, reached towards the exposed breasts of the bar girls. He would grope their breasts, behaving inappropriately for a man in his thirties, instead acting like an old man without any integrity.
For a period, Shi Zihang let himself get drunk and sober repeatedly, allowing life to pass by aimlessly.
Marcus Aurelius said: "Man is a little soul carrying a corpse." But Shi Zihang had already lost even his soul.
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