1. Men are happiest when they get women, and the virgin complex. I once read an article by a somewhat famous local writer, in which he described his feelings the first time he made love to a woman - "happier than seeing Chairman Mao." I was born too late to have seen the Chairman alive. When I read this article during my development, I thought the analogy was very absurd: how could the writer use synesthesia so recklessly? Later, when a friend recommended this not-so-famous sentence from the article to me, there was a glimmer of compassion in his eyes. Thus, I admired it greatly. In their era, the highest level of love is something that can still be done even if you no longer love, or at least has a similar substitute. Nowadays, with sex health products all over the streets and women wearing ambiguous black shirts, the "hardworking" comrades may not necessarily be happy.
2. Men are happiest when they leave women. I'm referring to a part of men who repent suddenly. Once bitten by a snake, one fears a rope for ten years. A thousand sails pass by a stranded boat; myriad trees bloom before a sick tree. Most men are untethered boats; if pushed too hard, I'd rather cross a deserted ferry without traveling far. After a long and arduous struggle, they finally obtained their hard-won certificate of slave liberation, calming down, what joy is there? British writer John Milton wrote "Paradise Lost" after marriage, and then "Paradise Regained" after his wife's death. The bittersweet taste, though Milton was not of our kind, also resonates deeply.
3. Men are happiest when they start a business. As the saying goes, working is beautiful, but of course, the type of work matters greatly. Nowadays, "starting a business" seems to specifically refer to some new rich people in the IT industry. "He obtained a large amount of venture capital with a perfect startup plan." "He is a CEO at the age of 23..." In the exaggerated articles filled in newspapers, we often see such sentences. As an ordinary reader, I have the following feeling about such descriptions: in Jin Yong's martial arts language, it's "full of heroic spirit," in Shanghai dialect, it's "arrogant," and in Beijing dialect, it's "awesome." Of course, after reading, my heart feels bitter. Back in the day when I played with toy machines, a certain CEO was still in kindergarten. Now, throwing a brick could knock down nine CEOs, and the remaining one would be a CTO (Chief Technology Officer). Truly revolutionary times不分先后. Here, I must clarify that my understanding of these people's happiness is relatively superficial because I've been influenced by some articles saying that internet tycoons don't make money by running websites but become rich during the process of setting them up. The means are the goal, and the goal is just a beautiful myth on the business plan. Like someone said back then, "Sons selling their grandfather's land don't feel the pain." Playing with others' money is the ultimate realm. Despite predictions that 95% of websites will go bankrupt, 100% of CEOs have become happy bachelors. Many tragedies of state-owned enterprises have been replayed under a new IT concept. History is shockingly similar.
4. Men are happiest when they win a fight. In today's highly unsparing society, although fighting has been categorized as classical behavior art, winning a close combat can still cause a normal man's adrenaline to surge dramatically. I need to declare that this article does not bear the responsibility of incitement. The intensity of the fight should still be controlled within the range of mild harassment to the point where law enforcement agencies have to appear to stop it.
My friend Xiao Qiao, male, a young flute player of the Shanghai National Orchestra. Xiao Qiao loves telling a story in groups of three or more. Once, unable to endure the humiliation, he fought back and hit a senior student with a beer bottle, splitting his head open. "That was one of the top hooligans at No. 43 Baojia Street (Central Conservatory of Music, Xiao Qiao's alma mater)!" He always ends his nostalgic reminiscence with this proud statement. It needs to be noted that Xiao Qiao was only 150 cm tall at the time, now he's over 170 cm, yet he still talks about it with great interest, showing how necessary a victory is for a man's growth. Xiao Qiao is destined to be a happy person because many years ago, he split the head of a "top hooligan," and this fact cannot be changed - historical fact.
5. Men are happiest when they are humorous. Humor is not only unrelated to knowledge but sometimes even inversely proportional. There's a joke about a rickshaw puller in Beijing with little education. His son was in elementary school and came home asking for definitions: "What is pride?" "Being awesome." "Humility?" "Being chill." "Frugality?" "Being stingy." "And contribution?" "Hey, being dumb!"
Humorous men have four characteristics: their muscles are most relaxed, their mindset is most indifferent, their language is smoothest, and their behavior is most unrestrained, truly embodying selflessness and broad-mindedness.
Funny men have three plenty: many red-faced confidants in the world, lots of colorful jokes in their bellies, and many crow's feet around their eyes, indeed a fine physique.
6. Men are happiest when they draw good cards while playing cards. Men naturally love gambling, just like women naturally love beauty. Instead of banning or obstructing, it's better to guide appropriately. Moreover, big gambling distracts emotions, small gambling entertains emotions. Life's trivialities account for eighty or ninety percent. Finding a peaceful card table is already a stroke of luck. During this time, if one turns off the mobile phone, switches off the pager, avoids domestic disturbances, breaks no rules, rests at midnight, and doesn't tire oneself out all night, discussing strategies within the confines of the game, planning cleverly, retreating fully after zero o'clock, dreaming of achievements, still muttering: "Haha, without these cards, who would I play with?"
Men at the card table reveal their innocence openly, discard pretense, show their true character, think diligently, and find true happiness.
Men at the card table display dark humor, witty remarks, refined eloquence, minor flaws do not overshadow the virtues.
7. Men are happiest when watching Stephen Chow's movies. Stephen Chow's movies are full of confused little characters, and his audience is mostly ordinary little men, but their happiness is real. "Profoundly expressing postmodernism's indictment of a dark society (Stephen Chow movie 'Royal Tramp' line)." Stephen Chow's attitude towards the public and quality is enough for our cultural workers to learn from for half a year. Little men are too obedient, and reality is too frustrating. What relieves worries? Only Mr. Chow.
As a man, I see no essential difference between Stephen Chow on the screen and Mel Gibson's portrayal of Wallace in "Braveheart." Stephen Chow's heart-wrenching cry for a crushed cockroach ("Xiao Qiang—") and Wallace's "Freedom—" before his sacrifice seem to me to express the same cherishment of freedom and life.
Therefore, men who like Stephen Chow shouldn't be overly proud of their happiness. If your tender and delicate inner part is touched, it should be a good thing, despite sometimes confusing comedy with tragedy when rewatching Stephen Chow's films.
8. Men are happiest when accompanying women shopping. A privilege that satisfies a man's vanity, belonging to the most common consumption behavior of men. Hou Yaohua said in the play "Lost North": "Men buy clothes for women so they can take them off." The audience laughed wickedly.
Such men are actually quite sacrificial. A big man doesn't die on the battlefield or gamble in casinos but instead braves social pressure to linger in malls, not only without tiring but also enjoying it immensely. What is the purpose? To have fun. So-called "your happiness is my happiness," reaching such a realm is indeed rare.
9. Men are happiest when indulging in illusory noble emotions. People need a bit of spirit. The classic example is Kevin Spacey in the movie "American Beauty," an extremely unlucky middle-aged man, a leering man staring at his daughter's classmate's eyes. Just as the girl is about to give in to him, hearing that she's a virgin makes him suddenly noble. He no longer wants her, becoming deeper and more profound, finally smiling happily as he gets shot in the back of the head.
Such people may not necessarily have a happy beginning, but they definitely have an undeniably happy end, which counts as a good ending.
10. Men are happiest when they know they are happy.