Many people have thought about the same question: what is the biggest problem in today's domestic education? Many would say: lack of educational funding, outdated facilities, weak teaching staff, backward educational methods, and an urgent need to update educational concepts... Is it really so?
In fact, the problems go far beyond these. Building more schools with more money will not produce great scholars. The key issue in family education lies in whether we see children as our property or as members of society. Should we raise our children to become healthy, outgoing individuals or cautious, flexible, and obedient ones? The problem is actually this simple!
**Issue One: Fear of Children Falling or Encountering Setbacks**
If a child trips over something while walking and falls, most American parents would tell their child: "Get up yourself," and instruct them to avoid or remove obstacles they see on the ground, otherwise, they might fall again. Thus, the child learns that falling is due to their own negligence rather than blaming the obstacle. Over time, during their growth process, children gradually develop a habit of self-reflection when encountering problems instead of blaming society or others for setting obstacles.
If a Japanese child trips over something while walking and falls, most Japanese parents would tell their child: "Why didn't you watch where you were going?" Then, they would draw a line at the place where the child fell and show them the correct direction to walk without falling. As a result, children learn to pay attention to the right direction when walking. During their growth process, they also gradually develop a habit of not only reflecting on themselves but also learning from experiences and finding the right direction in life while continuously adjusting according to the objective environment.
Clearly, American and Japanese education focuses on how to be a responsible member of society, adapting to social environments and fostering one's ability to create independently, rather than relying entirely on others. They do not merely see children as their offspring or students but more importantly as members of society to educate and cultivate.
However, if a Chinese child trips over something while walking and falls, most Chinese parents (statistically around 80%) would pick up the child with sympathy and say: "Mommy will hit it for you because it tripped our baby; it's so bad!" Then, the parent would kick or hit the obstacle in front of the child. Over time, children develop a habitual mindset: "It's the obstacle's fault that I fell, not my own negligence!" Thus, during their growth process, when encountering problems, they not only fail to reflect on themselves but also blame society and others for setting obstacles. All mistakes are others'! In the long run, our children can only walk on paths paved by parents and others. They lose their ability to self-reflect, innovate, and find the right path.
Chinese parents seem to naturally think: "The child is mine, and I must protect him/her to grow strong." However, unexpectedly, children raised under such education often disappoint their parents. This way of always leading the child's hand forward only stifles their independent thinking and creativity. They lose their self-awareness and ability to solve problems, as well as their ability to self-reflect and adapt to society. Consequently, they become confused and at a loss when faced with difficulties and setbacks.
**Issue Two: Unable to Be Friends with Children**
Throughout Chinese history, Confucius's concept of "teacher's dignity" has been sacred and inviolable! Once a teacher, forever a father, regardless of whether the child likes it or not. Therefore, in the majority of school rules, it is written: "There shall be no talking back or disrespectful behavior towards teachers, otherwise expulsion will follow." Respecting teachers and valuing education is universally accepted, but both sides in education should respect each other and become friends to communicate better and promote educational outcomes. However, the idea that the child must listen to the parent or teacher is considered absolute truth. Parents hitting children and teachers punishing students is seen as natural. Even a slight opposition from the child is deemed disrespectful, but does such an educational philosophy truly make the child psychologically submissive?
Actually, cultivating an honest and obedient child is not difficult, but raising an independent and autonomous person is hard. Unfortunately, our education system prefers "honest" children. This results in many children growing up without initiative, being overly cautious, lacking openness and generosity in character, and becoming psychologically fragile and unhealthy.
A friend told me today that her daughter was admitted to a key high school, but her temper had grown significantly. She would argue with her mother at the slightest dissatisfaction. To maintain parental authority, the mother beat her daughter severely. Below is our conversation:
Friend: "My daughter is under immense study pressure recently. She often argues with me and slams doors. I couldn't help myself and beat her."
Me: "Her father says I'm too cruel, hitting her too hard. Her limbs turned purple. There was nothing else at home, so I used a mop."
Me: "You should spoil your daughter, not beat her excessively!"
Me: "How barbaric! You even used a mop to beat her until her limbs turned purple. Cruel mother!"
Me: "Especially for daughters, you shouldn't hit them! They are now in the rebellious and independent phase."
Friend: "You don't understand. I wanted to knock some arrogance out of her. She's my daughter, and I beat her for her own good."
Me: "Nonsense! By beating her, you've closed the door to communication with her!"
Friend: "Easy for you to say. What should I do then?"
Me: "Apologize to your daughter immediately. Maybe she'll understand."
Me: "If it were me, I'd beat you to death!"
Friend: "She thinks she's doing well. This summer, she's been very disobedient, glaring at me."
Friend: "I didn't respond to one of her requests on time, and she threw a tantrum. Isn't that infuriating? Now she's locked herself in her room and refuses to eat."
Me: "Even so, you shouldn't hit her. Don't think of her as your private property. You've closed the door to communication between you two..."
Look, just because the child showed some attitude, our parents resort to physical punishment, reasoning: "I want to knock some arrogance out of her. She's my daughter, and I spent money raising her. I beat her for her own good!" This might be the rationale for many parents who physically punish their children and teachers who discipline their students: "You're my child, my student, and I beat you for your own good!" Such education produces either a group of completely obedient, non-independent thinkers or a group of rebellious "prodigals."
Due to the "strict" discipline of children, educators lose the genuine respect of the educated, and children close off emotionally. The two sides become adversaries, unable to become friends or communicate. What's the point of such education? When will we start seeing children as members of society, respecting their thoughts, interests, hobbies, and decisions, and providing material support based on that? Instead of treating them as "private property," taking over everything, deciding how to handle them however we please?
**Issue Three: Violating Objective Laws and Students' Psychological and Intellectual Development Levels**
The call for quality-oriented education reform has been heard for many years. Some even angrily shouted: "Overthrow the evil examination-oriented education!" But what is the reality? The pressure on children is getting heavier and heavier. Teaching revolves entirely around exams! The spirit of "sacrificing sleep and pricking oneself with needles to stay awake" while studying, and the notion that "all professions are inferior except scholarship," deeply rooted in people's hearts, forces all children onto one narrow path leading to the top of the pyramid. Teachers, parents, and children alike are struggling! How many people can tell the children: "All roads lead to Rome"?!
As a result, educational content faces increasing competition pressure, becoming increasingly difficult, seriously violating the psychological and intellectual承受ability of most children. No wonder an article titled "Overthrow the Evil Math Olympiad Education" caused a sensation online! Nowadays, fifth and sixth-grade elementary school students are already studying junior high school courses, junior high school students are studying senior high school knowledge, and senior high school students are studying university first and second-year content. By the time they get to university, students don't know what to study anymore, so they start learning how to be human beings, recognize themselves, interact with others, and regulate their psychology... These issues should have been addressed during middle and primary school stages. This is indeed a tragic situation!
Our family and school education, for the future, really needs serious reflection!