BeiLi Beijing Outdoor Training Company offers such training courses every year. Parents and children can participate in the parent-child outdoor training together. In the overall design of the training, besides parents and children jointly participating in outdoor training projects, parents will also have a one-hour indoor class explaining the taboos for parents during their children's growth process. The purpose is to correct mistakes if there are any, or strive for further improvement if not.
The educational pitfalls are as follows:
1. Having high expectations for children and pursuing perfection. Usually, the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment. In order not to be disappointed, parents keep putting pressure on their children. In this situation, children cater to their parents, teachers, and even social evaluations to become an "excellent" child! Such excellence often ignores the needs of the child themselves. "Excellence" is a double-edged sword! When a child keeps catering to his/her parents' expectations, he/she loses oneself, and his/her life state is no longer free and smooth! He/She can only tightly hold onto the "excellence" that he/she has paid such a great price for! Such "excellent" children are like bombs! They may explode at any time, either hurting others or damaging themselves! There is a statistic showing that among university students with psychological disorders, 23% were considered "very excellent" in junior high and high school.
2. Insulting and punishing children when they don't meet your satisfaction. Actually, when children cannot satisfy their parents, they already feel guilty. At this moment, what they need most is love, support, and assistance from their parents. Parents ignore the child's feelings and let their own emotions take control, only thinking: You're my child, you should bring glory to me, you should make me look good, you shouldn't embarrass me! Then they use their numerous rules and restrictions to bind the child. But the more bound the child is, the more rebellious he/she becomes; the more you manage, the less he/she listens! Give the child some space, so that he/she can still receive love while feeling guilty. In this way, the child may learn to obey and take responsibility for himself/herself. When the child does something that doesn't satisfy you but he/she already knows it, silent companionship and pure loving support become more important!
3. Comparing your own child with others. This is a common problem among all parents.
4. Conditionally satisfying the child's needs. If you get first place, I'll buy you sneakers! If you enter the top five, we'll go on a family trip! Many parents see this as a reasonable and open reward-punishment measure for the child! However, the subconscious message it gives to the child is: Only when you meet mom and dad's standards will you be loved. Then the child pays the price of losing oneself to gain the parents' love!
5. Criticizing the child's faults. Parents love to criticize and teach their children! Teaching is something each parent particularly enjoys doing. Some people feel their authority through teaching, while others experience the pleasure of conquest. Regardless of whether the child verbally agrees or genuinely accepts it! However, the best teaching is "teaching without words." Criticizing the child's faults either makes the child lose confidence or self-respect.
6. Predicting that the child will be useless. Predicting that the child will be useless has two consequences: One is that the more you say the child is useless, the more useless he/she becomes, completely losing motivation and learning ability, ultimately fulfilling your prediction! Another type of child, the more you say he/she is useless, the more he/she wants to prove that he/she is useful, but spends a lifetime proving it, losing oneself and the wisdom of life and happiness.
7. Making choices for the child. The child's psychological independence period has three stages: age 3, age 9, and age 12. When the child is young, if the child eats by himself/herself, parents should care but not interfere, don't say things like "You got food on your clothes, let me feed you!" Or decide what clothes the child should wear! Signing up the child for piano lessons without telling him/her is also unwise. Parents always use "their own minds" to control the child, but neglect the fact that replacing the child's decisions is depriving the child of the opportunity to grow. If you deprive the child of growth in a certain aspect, the child loses the ability in that aspect.
8. Restricting the child from doing what he/she wants to do. Parents like to say: Don't do this, don't do that! However, the child's nature is: Beijing outdoor base, the more you tell me not to do something, the more I want to do it!
9. Always worrying about the child. Not believing that the child has control, not believing that the child actually can! So the best way to get an unwanted result is to worry! If you worry about your child falling in love early, he/she will definitely fall in love early; if you worry about your child being addicted to the internet, he/she will definitely become addicted to the internet! A mother warned her child when he/she was in the first grade of elementary school, passing by an internet cafe: See that? That's an internet cafe, many kids who go in there turn bad, you mustn't go in! Day after day, the child didn't understand at first, but became extremely curious inside, and finally couldn't resist, wanting to go into the internet cafe to see. Later, the child became addicted to the internet! Whether the child is confident depends on the parents' attitude towards them.
10. Not trusting the child. The root cause of not trusting the child lies in the parents not trusting themselves. When the child says to mom: It's okay, I'll do my homework alone, you go ahead and busy yourself! Mom immediately thinks after closing the door: The child must be playing computer games at home! Such reactions make the child feel that the parents don't trust me, don't like me, and don't respect me! Not trusting the child is destroying the child's self-respect. Parents always try hard to cultivate their children in the direction of success, focusing on making the child talented, while neglecting the issue that the child needs to become a person first. As a result, various kinds of problematic children are increasing.
All these issues, as parents, are our concerns. We play a supervisory role, a guiding role, giving children more choices, believing in the child, exercising self-reliance abilities, and developing special skills according to interests. Children need discipline as they grow up, but it should be appropriate. Be friends with your child, don't talk to your child with anger, let the child come to you willingly to talk about what he/she is thinking, let the child grow up happily and healthily!
Article reprinted from: http://www.blwh.cn/rz_more.asp?id=153