Beijing Baili Expansion Training Company offers such training courses every year, where parents and children participate in parent-child expansion activities together. In the overall design concept of the training, besides the outdoor training projects that both parents and children attend together, there is a one-hour indoor class for parents, which explains the taboos that parents should be aware of during their children's growth process. The purpose is to correct mistakes if they exist, or strive harder if not. Below are some common educational pitfalls:
1. Setting high expectations for children and pursuing perfection. It is commonly said that the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment. To avoid disappointment, parents keep putting pressure on their children. In this situation, children will cater to their parents, teachers, and even societal evaluations to become an "excellent" child! Such excellence often ignores the child's own needs. "Excellence" is a double-edged sword! When a child keeps catering to his parents' expectations, he loses himself and his life state is no longer free and smooth! He can only hold tightly onto the "excellence" he has sacrificed so much for! Such "excellent" children are like bombs, ready to explode at any time, either harming others or themselves! There is a statistic showing that among college students with psychological problems, 23% were considered "very excellent" in junior high and high school.
2. Demeaning and punishing the child when he does not meet expectations. In fact, when a child fails to satisfy his parents, he already feels very guilty. At this moment, what he needs most is love, support, and assistance from his parents. However, parents often neglect their child's feelings and let their own emotions take control. They only think: You are my child, you must bring glory to me, you must make me proud, you cannot embarrass me! Then they use their numerous rules and restrictions to bind the child. But the more you restrict, the more rebellious the child becomes; the more you try to control, the less they listen! Give your child some space, allowing them to still receive love while feeling guilty. This way, the child may learn to obey and take responsibility for themselves. When the child does something unsatisfactory but is fully aware of it, silent companionship and pure love support become even more important!
3. Comparing your child with others. This is a common mistake made by all parents.
4. Meeting the child's needs conditionally. If you get the first place, I'll buy you sneakers! If you rank in the top five, we'll go on a family trip! Many parents see this as a reasonable and open reward-punishment measure for their children! Unknowingly, this sends a subconscious message to the child: only by meeting the parents' standards will you be loved. Then the child sacrifices himself to gain the parents' love!
5. Criticizing the child's faults. Parents love to criticize and teach their children! Teaching is something every parent especially enjoys doing, where some feel their authority, and others enjoy the sense of conquest. Regardless of whether the child agrees verbally or mentally! However, the best teaching is "teaching without words." Criticizing the child's faults either makes them lose confidence or self-respect.
6. Predicting that the child will amount to nothing. Predicting that the child will amount to nothing has two consequences: one is that the more you say the child will amount to nothing, the more they believe it, completely losing motivation and learning ability, ultimately fulfilling your prophecy! Another type of child, the more you say they will amount to nothing, the more they want to prove otherwise, living their whole lives in "proof," losing themselves and the wisdom to live happily.
7. Making choices for the child. A child's psychological independence develops in three stages: age 3, 9, and 12. When young, if a child wants to eat by themselves, parents should care but not interfere, not saying things like "You're getting food on your clothes, let me feed you!" Or choosing what clothes they wear! Signing them up for piano lessons without telling them is also unwise. Parents always use "their own minds" to control their children, ignoring that replacing their decision-making process deprives the child of growing. By depriving the child of growth in certain aspects, they lose abilities in those areas.
8. Restricting the child from doing what they want. Parents like to say: Don't do this, don't do that! However, a child's nature is: the more you tell me not to, the more I will!
9. Always worrying about the child. Not believing that the child has self-control, not believing that the child actually can! So the best way to get undesirable results is to worry! If you worry about your child having an early romance, they will surely have one; if you worry about your child being addicted to the internet, they will surely become addicted! A mother warned her child, who was in the first grade, about internet cafes: "See that? That's an internet cafe. Many kids go in and turn bad, you can't go in!" Day after day, at first the child didn't understand, but became extremely curious. Finally, one day the child couldn't resist and went into the internet cafe to see. Later, the child became addicted to the internet! Whether a child is confident depends on the attitude of the parents towards them.
10. Not trusting the child. The root of not trusting the child lies in the parents not trusting themselves. When a child tells the mother: "It's okay, I'll do my homework alone, you go ahead and do your work!" The mother immediately thinks once she closes the door, the child will play computer games! Such reactions make the child feel that the parents do not trust, like, or respect them! Not trusting the child destroys their self-respect. Parents always strive to cultivate their children in the direction of success, focusing on making them talented, while ignoring the issue of becoming a good person first. As a result, there are increasingly more problematic children.
The above issues are all concerns for us as parents. We parents play a supervisory role, guiding role, giving our children more choices, believing in them, and exercising self-reliance abilities, developing special skills according to their interests.
Children need to be disciplined, but appropriately, making friends with them, not talking to them in anger, encouraging them to talk to you about their thoughts willingly, letting them grow up happily and robustly!
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Article reprinted from: http://www.blwh.cn/rz_more.asp?id=156