When I saw the title, I was very puzzled. Divorce is because of incompatible characters, then why were they together in the first place? It's nothing more than a pretentious excuse for not wanting to maintain the marriage anymore. There is no such thing as two people being naturally suitable or unsuitable for each other from the start. It's about adapting to each other, tolerating, understanding, helping, and gradually moving closer to each other. We should cherish the beauty of marriage and also cherish the people around us.
(Omain Text) Frequently, we hear people say: So-and-so divorced because of incompatible characters. In marriage, what kind of characters are considered "compatible", and what kind are "incompatible"? In fact, there is no absolutely incompatible or perfectly compatible couple. How far a marriage can go depends on the attitude of the two individuals towards their marriage. In other words, it depends on whether both parties can correctly deal with the problems faced in their marriage.
So, what kind of issues does marriage bring to both sides? Through our many years of consultation, we have summarized the following several "incompatibilities":
1. Incompatibility in living habits. A marriage contract makes two separate individuals form a small family, thus becoming inseparable. Before marriage, everyone only needs to take care of their own life. After marriage, the two not only need to manage their own lives well but also appropriately take care of each other, get used to each other's lifestyle, and get into the habit of considering the other person's feelings. Therefore, both sides need to make appropriate changes to adapt to each other, gradually forming a new and relatively stable living pattern that belongs to the two of them. In this living pattern, the standard is that both are relatively satisfied and comfortable. The troubles in marriage usually do not come from big things, but rather from trivial matters like living habits that are everywhere. If these trivial matters are not handled properly, they will accumulate to a certain extent and trigger a marital crisis.
2. Contradictions in financial distribution. Both parties need to reach a consensus on the way to distribute finances. In the current family structure, both spouses generally have their own careers and economic incomes. In quite a number of families, the woman's income is even higher than the man's. How to allocate the family's economic income so that both spouses are satisfied is an important issue. In our many years of consultation, we have found that among the clients seeking marital counseling at the counseling center, a considerable proportion of conflicts arise from financial issues.
3. Disharmony in sexual life between husband and wife. Sex is a very important part of marriage. If there is disharmony in sexual life in marriage, and after examination, there is no physiological disease present, then most of it is caused by psychological factors. After problems occur, it is necessary to seek help from a psychotherapist in time, and this is not something to be ashamed of. The perfect combination of sex and love can enhance both parties' satisfaction and happiness in marriage. Among the couples or lovers who make appointments for consultations through our consultation hotline and customer service QQ, the problem of disharmony in sexual life occupies a very large proportion.
4. Differences in thinking patterns. Understand the huge differences between male and female thinking patterns, and don't arbitrarily judge the other party's words and actions based on your subjective assumptions. We often encounter such situations: when both spouses come together to seek marital counseling, the descriptions of the same event by both parties are completely different. This phenomenon occurs because both parties have added their own understanding of the event. Many couples doing consultations in the consulting room end up arguing right there, and the counselor can see exactly where the differences in thinking lie: one party wants to express something, but the other party understands it completely differently. Such a big difference in thinking patterns makes it hard not to have conflicts. Through in-depth analysis by a psychotherapist, under the guidance of the counselor, both parties understand each other's thinking patterns, thereby eliminating the root cause of conflicts.
5. Relationships between both families. After getting married, not only do you need to face the other person, but you also need to face and handle the relationship with the other person's family. Don't unilaterally think that marriage is just about the two of you. Marriage is about two families. If you expect the other person to treat your parents and family in a certain way, then you should treat their parents and family in the same way.
6. Not being good at expressing and reciprocating emotions. Remember, home is not a courtroom; home is a place for emotions, not reason. Being too rational makes it boring for both spouses to interact. You need to feel the expression of love in the other person's daily life with your heart and learn to appropriately express your love to the other person. For example, if your loved one gives you a rose, and you say, "Look at so-and-so, he gave his lover a diamond ring, and you give me a worthless rose!" When the other person's intention is not valued but despised instead, will they still take the initiative to do some warm gestures for you? In marriage, knowing how to protect the precious affection of the other person, knowing how to express your affection for the other person, don’t guess the other person’s intentions, and don’t assume the other person can completely guess yours. Love should be expressed appropriately, and being loved should be joyfully accepted.
7. Excessive possessiveness over the other person or complete dependence on the other person. The two people in a marriage are first independent individuals, and then they are each other's spouse. The relationship between the two crosses over yet remains independent, giving both sides a certain amount of freedom space, allowing them to experience respect and being respected, trust and being trusted, and other valuable qualities; maintaining an independent self allows oneself to continuously progress in terms of personality, personal charm, or career, constantly bringing fresh vitality to marriage and life, and bringing common growth to both sides. Only when both sides develop together and jointly build a new family can they evolve into a long-lasting and stable marital relationship. Focusing on possessing the other person or completely depending on them often restricts the development of one side. Such a marriage is unbalanced, and sooner or later, one side will be overwhelmed.
Some people say: Marriage is so complicated, it's scary! In fact, marriage is not that terrifying. We should not be afraid of problems arising in marriage. If these problems are handled well, they can become turning points in the marriage. As long as one has the heart, everyone can create a happy marriage. A happy marriage does not mean a perfect marriage. The word "happy" refers to a marital relationship that brings love and enjoyment to both sides. When you feel that your marriage has already been scarred, do not give up lightly. Seek timely marital counseling from a psychotherapist. The growth brought by marriage is immeasurable. Actively striving to walk out of this gloomy period often leads to boundless horizons!