But it is in this free day that you find yourself getting bored and having nothing to do every day. There was a time when there were so many things you wanted to do but had no opportunity or time, but one day when you suddenly have the time, you no longer want to do them. You suddenly find yourself picking up your phone and looking at hundreds of phone numbers, not knowing who to call. You look at the newly added QQ friends from university and don't know who to chat with. You look at those high school friends, though familiar, but seem not to know what to say. You used to love thinking about the problems of society and the world, but were always told that those things were useless and not to waste time on them but focus on studying. Then one day when you should be thinking about some issues, you lose the passion to think and instead silently accept.
Yet, I still mourn for those yesterdays not yet freed from constraints...
However, it is still that kind of day, and you no longer have your own little corner in the classroom. You no longer have the peace of mind and stability of sitting in the classroom, looking up and seeing your closest friend. You no longer have the urgency and seriousness of furiously writing notes that you won't even look at. You no longer have the cautious thoughts of quietly approaching a girl or deliberately standing next to her during exercises. You no longer have a friend with whom you can chat from morning till night for months and still have so much to talk about. You will no longer have a group of brothers who talk and cause trouble with you in class and then get kicked out together. You will no longer look forward to events like art festivals or sports meets, which are actually quite insignificant. You will no longer look at your friends or life around you with a pure gaze.
Suddenly, one day, you don't have to leave home to go to school before dawn and come back home after dark. You don't have to wake up every day thinking about how to deal with today's homework or how to pass the exam. You don't have to worryingly take out your phone from your pocket and put it under the table, anxiously reading messages or novels. You don't have to hold a funny story in your heart for tens of minutes until after class to tell her. You don't have to pretend to protect your eyes by putting your hand on your face during the second break. You don't have to close the door tightly when you return home at night, secretly sending text messages, making calls, or playing on the computer, quickly pretending to study when your parents come in. You don't have to wait anxiously for school to end during evening tutoring classes, rushing out of the classroom as soon as the bell rings.
Finally, you can play with your phone freely in class without being constrained by anyone, talk casually and cheat easily in exams. You no longer have those annoying homework assignments or terrifying parent-teacher meetings. You can ignore discipline and do whatever you want. If you want, you can even play CS on your laptop in class without anyone stopping you. You don't have to complain about the food because you can choose freely from the cafeteria or restaurant. You might even write a petition letter asking the school to cancel morning exercises because you don't want to get up early. You can play poker in the self-study classroom until late at night. You can stay up chatting and watching movies every night, not for studying. You can casually go out to eat during class and return just in time for roll call before the next class. You finally understand what "optional courses must be skipped, required courses can be selectively skipped" means.
You start holding fashion magazines every day, evaluating whether a piece of clothing is pretty or ugly, whether a pair of shoes is trendy. You start spending hours in front of the computer watching brainless idol dramas or meaningless comedy movies. You stop caring about the people at the bottom of society who need the most attention, instead worrying about the safety or life of a certain celebrity, feeling happy or sad accordingly. You start reading those vulgar穿越novels on your phone and completely ignore so-called literature or classics. You start slowly learning what common sense is, what it means to keep oneself clean, what is supposedly useful or useless. You gradually realize that university is not sacred, nor worth waiting for or hoping for. In this restless society, like other things, university is merely an institution to get through, with no so-called academia or spirit, no longer full of passion or dreams.
One day, you start reminiscing about the past, missing those days without restlessness and too many desires, those days wearing unattractive school uniforms but still having clear eyes, those days with jet-black straight hair tied into ponytails, those days when you still had anger and courage in the face of injustice and ugliness, those days when ideals and brilliance were still preserved. But those days are just yesterday, and I can no longer write those warm or passionately angry texts. I can no longer walk casually around the campus in my school uniform. I can no longer sit steadily in the classroom, listening honestly or taking notes, because I cannot change this society, cannot calm down this restless and thoughtless society. People cannot change anything; they can only let things change them.
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