To love each other for a lifetime, to quarrel for a lifetime, and to endure for a lifetime—this is what it means to be a married couple.
What is home? Home is something jointly built by a husband and wife, weaving dreams and the bittersweet experiences of life into a cozy nest.
Home is not a simple concept. Sociologists say that home is the smallest cell of society; marriage experts say it is the world shared by two people who weather storms together; and literary figures say it’s like having a group of pigs under a roof. What exactly is home? Many people believe this isn’t even worth pondering. So, let's start with a story. A wealthy man once stumbled drunk outside his villa. His security guard helped him up and said, "Sir, let me take you home!" The rich man turned to the guard and asked, "Home? Where is my home? Can you really take me there?" The guard was confused and pointed to a nearby villa, saying, "Isn't that your home?" The rich man pointed to his heart, then at the luxurious villa in the distance, and seriously, though brokenly, replied, "That, that's not my home. That's just my house."
Home is not a house, not a TV, not a refrigerator, not a space piled with material things. While material abundance may give us fleeting sensory pleasure, it vanishes quickly. Imagine if that space were filled with violence and cold wars, where partners share a bed but dream separately, or appear united but are actually estranged. In such cases, "home" ceases to be a home and instead becomes a battlefield. A car is merely a tragic prop in this modernized warzone. No wonder some tycoons self-deprecatingly say, "I'm so poor I only have money!"
Home requires loving family members. It needs that special genuine affection. Two people who care deeply about each other make a home, which elevates to a kind of faith, a religion, a spiritual force.
Home is the aggregation of love. Look at all families—they gather because of love and disperse without it.
Home is a haven of emotion, a cradle of growth, a resting place for the soul, the most unrestrained place for oneself, a spiritual paradise. Home is the entirety of the emotions shared between you and your family. When you possess it, it seems as ordinary as firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, and tea. But when you lose it, you'll find it impossible to recover, no matter how much effort you put in.
Without harmony in the family, there can be no harmony in society. Without peace in the family, there can be no tranquility in society. A harmonious family leads to prosperity in all matters.
How to handle the relationship between husband and wife is the most critical issue within a household. As they say: “It takes hundreds of lifetimes to share the same boat, and thousands of lifetimes to share the same pillow.” A husband and wife are like two hemispheres, “one hemisphere cannot roll alone; it needs the other half.”
So, how should a couple coexist to create a harmonious family? They need understanding, trust, respect, and tolerance. It's like holding a handful of sand—if you grip it loosely, none will slip through your fingers. The tighter you hold it, the more it slips away.
Home is a culture, a period of time, an emotion. A husband and wife are like two legs. To stand firm or walk forward, neither can do without the other. Why does one leg always complain about the other? Some couples claim they've lived together for decades without conflict or disagreement. Such a claim can safely indicate that at least one person has been completely irresponsible toward their family and indifferent to their partner. Marriage is comfortable yet troubling. Home is not a place for reasoning—it’s the realm of "difficult clarity." If neither party is willing to be unclear, there will never be peace in the household. Tolstoy said, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
The best marital arrangement doesn’t necessarily equate to the best marital state. Without admiration for a man and appreciation for a woman, love cannot occur. Marriage cannot linger without intimacy. Love thrives on "infatuation," while excessive rationality, calculation, and comparison destroy love. A fulfilling marriage combines love and conscience—that’s everything. Marriage is pure "selfishness," and love is sacred "greed." Once someone stops being selfish toward you, it means you're no longer important to them.
Marriage is like making tea. The first infusion is like falling in love—intense, aromatic, and captivating. The second infusion is like newlywed bliss—refreshing and delightful. The third infusion resembles a marriage after the honeymoon phase—plain as water, requiring a calm heart to truly appreciate its essence.
Qian Zhongshu said, "Family is a gilded birdcage. Birds outside the cage want to get in, while those inside want to fly out."
Nowadays, divorce is considered a "rich person's disease." Poverty seeks stability, wealth seeks change. Marriages without love are unstable, and marriages with only love are also unstable. Time and distance can either intensify or cool passion. Even the worst women hope to find an excellent man, and even the worst men wish to find an excellent woman. Thus, marriage is an eternal regret.
Getting married is serious, getting divorced is rash, remarrying is both serious and rash. Marriage is a necessity, divorce is forced, remarriage is both necessary and forced. Marriage brings happiness, divorce brings relief, and remarriage brings satisfaction. After many trials, one realizes that opponents everywhere are equally formidable.
Men are philosophy, women are poetry. Philosophy without poetry is dull, and poetry without philosophy is shallow. Philosophy is rational, while poetry is emotional. Men must first understand their own philosophy to read poetry, and women must first understand their own poetry to grasp philosophy. Deep philosophy resonates only with appropriate poetic charm. Thus, the best may not suit you, but what suits you is the best.
People often say another man's wife is better, but in reality, everyone knows their shoes don't fit perfectly. Loving both your spouse and a lover is like drinking diluted fake wine—whether it’s water or wine remains unclear. Loving both your husband and a lover might bring temporary joy but lacks a satisfying conclusion. There are too many good men to compare with your husband, and too many good women to compare with your wife—it’s dangerous.
When encountering influential officials or beautiful flirtatious individuals, don't compare or feel inferior. Don't dwell on your husband's inadequacies or entertain improper thoughts. Instead, focus on the love and affection within your marriage. A woman's apparent weakness is deceptive—she may seem weak but isn't to be underestimated. Men who try to dominate women often end up being dominated themselves. Women aren't weak; they are the source of men's strength. Every man's courage stems from the encouragement of loving women and women who love them back. Men who feel inadequate compared to women are no fewer than women who feel inadequate compared to men.
Lin Yutang said, "A woman is like water—when mixed with wine, it becomes wine; when mixed with vinegar, it becomes vinegar." A woman's value depends on her man.
Don't say women can't live without men—men need women even more. Men without women cannot survive, but women without men can still live on. Men are water, women are dams. Water wants to overflow its banks, and humans are volcanoes of desire. Though outwardly calm, inner fires burn fiercely. Once the volcano erupts, it becomes a flood or a ferocious beast.
Men express love through sex, and women understand love through sex. Sexual harmony is the fertile soil for marital harmony. Poverty doesn't mean there can't be a warm home. A good husband cherishes his wife's tender affections and empathizes with her struggles in managing the household. A husband who only dominates without showing compassion isn't a good husband.
A virtuous wife is the most valuable family treasure. Virtue comes from intelligence first, and then kindness. Foolish women see virtue as a loss, while wise women enhance their husband's image. Foolish women tarnish their husband's reputation, and a wife who despises her husband creates the deepest tragedy in a family.
A wife's concern manifests as nagging—it's her way of expressing happiness. Never interrupt her joyful symphony. A wife's coquetry is a gift of love, offering tenderness to her husband. A woman who despises her husband won't act coy in front of him. Which man doesn't fear his wife? Fear is humility, a proof of love.
The ideal relationship between a husband and wife involves closeness with appropriate distance, honesty with partial secrecy, allowing for both deep affection and personal space.
If a couple treats each other as their best friend, their bond will be unbreakable.
Perhaps the most important aspect of loving someone isn't grand declarations or sweet words, but rather the small details of daily life that reveal true feelings—these are the codes of love.
The secret to long-term coexistence with a loved one is to abandon the idea of changing them. For love to continue and marriage to flourish, wives must please their husbands, and husbands must please their wives. How to achieve this is an art of high sophistication. Arrogance shouldn't grow, desires shouldn't run wild, joy shouldn't reach extremes, and ambitions shouldn't become overblown.
Trust is the most important trait shared between two people in a marriage and is indispensable for building a happy, growing relationship. Living in a marriage means living with eyes half-open and half-closed. No one is perfect, and if we scrutinize too closely or use magnifying glasses for too long, we might even find flaws in God himself. The most precious quality in a marital life is sincerity, trust, and consideration. In a happy marriage, each person respects the other's interests and preferences. Assuming two people can have identical thoughts, judgments, and desires is the most absurd notion. In a harmonious family, at least one spouse acts as a "fool." A husband and wife are like strings on the same harp—they vibrate harmoniously in the same melody but remain independent.
A well-matched couple can withstand any disaster. When they live through tough times together, they are far happier than couples who possess all the wealth in the world but whose hearts are divided.
Young couples argue over the intricacies of love, while older couples' arguments leave them disheartened.
If a wife is unfaithful, the husband bears half the responsibility. If a husband is unfaithful, the wife shares half the blame. If one forces the other to flee, the fault is greater. A qualified wife should inspire her husband to become a creator of societal wealth.
In real life, good men don’t always marry good women, and good women don’t always marry good men. Even when good men and women live together, they aren’t guaranteed happiness. People come in all kinds, and the world presents endless variations. Each person’s character, taste, and cultivation differ, leading to different ways of interacting between couples. One hundred couples have one hundred ways of relating. Marriage is like a banquet where love is the main course, and tolerance, understanding, trust, and respect are the dishes. Appreciation, humor, and fun are the drinks. Only when all these elements are present does the banquet become perfect. May everyone enjoy this feast called marriage peacefully, comfortably, and enduringly, until the last breath of life.
Happy couples are legally married, but legal marriage doesn’t guarantee happiness.
As the saying goes, "Husband and wife are birds of the same forest, flying apart when disaster strikes." This is the saddest description of a marital relationship. In fact, most couples lead mundane lives centered around firewood, rice, oil, salt, soy sauce, vinegar, and tea. Experiencing great calamities or immense wealth is rare. So, what should the everyday relationship between spouses look like?
First and foremost, a couple is a couple. Husband + Wife = Family. The husband has his duties, and the wife has her responsibilities, just as fathers are fathers and mothers are mothers, unable to replace each other. Their distinct roles must not be abandoned.
A couple is like close friends—better yet, the best friends. The ultimate goal is to be soulmates, sharing everything without secrets, eliminating the need to lock lips for fear of revealing secrets in sleep.
A couple is like lovers. Whether ten or twenty years into the marriage, seeing each other still quickens the heart, filling one with endless admiration and longing. Passion remains fresh, and the honeymoon phase never ends. On Valentine's Day, neither strays.
A couple is like parents and children. Those with恋父恋母 (Oedipus/Electra) complexes require role-playing from their partners. The husband plays the doting father, or the wife plays the caring mother. Their interactions resemble those of two generations, allowing for playful coquetry. If both are youthful, they form a "perfect match," playing house every day.
A couple is like comrades. Comrades share common ideals. Creating a beautiful home is a shared aspiration. For this noble goal, they work together tirelessly, ensuring the fortress remains unbroken and striving ceaselessly.
A couple is like colleagues. Colleagues achieve common goals. When work gets overwhelming or laziness sets in, a couple understands each other's professional roles, stepping in seamlessly without leaving a trace.
A couple is like life mentors. For a high-quality life free of troubles and challenges, a couple should excel in all aspects, serving as advisors or mentors, solving problems effectively.
A couple is like psychologists. When facing setbacks, they listen patiently, analyze issues, alleviate worries, and provide emotional support.
A couple is like a punching bag. When frustrations arise outside, venting anger at home feels more cathartic than mere complaining. A good punching bag absorbs anger without retaliating.
... Ideal relationships between couples are countless, too numerous to list here.
If all couples could embody these ideals, our lives would rival those of gods, and home would become heaven. Are we gods? No. Is our home heaven? No. Since it isn't, can we demand that our partners play all these roles? No. Then let your couple be whatever they are. Let mine be whatever we are. This is a whimsical piece I conjured up one day, a fantasy about marital relations, meant purely for amusement.
What is a couple?
A couple is when she carefully sets aside a bowl of noodles for him,
watching quietly as he finishes,
her heart brimming with contentment.
What is a couple?
A couple is when he lingers in front of jewelry she admires,
then suddenly places it before her,
his eyes glowing with pride.
What is a couple?
A couple is when he gets drunk,
and she leaves a glass of water by his bedside.
What is a couple?
A couple is when her electric scooter breaks down on the road,
and he rushes toward her in the rain without even opening an umbrella...
That bowl of noodles wasn't special,
but she didn't eat it herself,
and watching him eat it felt sweeter than eating it herself.
That piece of jewelry wasn't expensive,
but she declined it because they weren't wealthy.
The moment he dashed out, he was already a hundred meters away from the store.
That glass of water had nothing added to it,
but when he woke up hungover in the middle of the night, it tasted so sweet.
That rain wasn't heavy,
yet seeing his soaked hair made her heart feel inexplicably secure...
What is a couple?
A couple is a lifelong debate over who cooks and who washes the dishes.
What is a couple?
A couple is constant squabbling over her messy accessories and his scattered dirty socks.
What is a couple?
A couple is continuous encouragement: "Honey, you're so beautiful," "Dear, you're amazing."
What is a couple?
A couple is a flower umbrella in the drizzle tilting left and right.
What is a couple?
When all passions fade,
and all romances tire...
The bond between a couple blends with familial affection, indistinguishable from one another. Are you her baby?
Is she still your little girl?
Are you her elder brother or her father?
Is she your maternal comfort?
These lines blur, becoming incomprehensible, losing structure and boundaries.
A couple is companionship—childhood playmates, solace in loneliness, elderly company, young hands holding, old ones supporting each other. In youth, they are roses; in old age, pills and plain water. Watching elderly couples stroll together on the street or in the park fills one with admiration. Youthful love becomes lifelong companionship, walking through life's storms and enjoying peaceful twilight years together—it's no easy feat. Especially in today's society where breakups and divorces are commonplace, even fashionable, one wonders whether we admire the sight of elderly couples or the journey they’ve shared for decades. I suspect it’s the latter.
After many years of marriage, looking back, what have we placed in the box of matrimony? Upon inspection, it's empty.
Seeing another couple in conflict again stirs bitterness in my heart. A friend asks, "What is a couple?" I am speechless. At night, leaning by the window, the willow branches sway vaguely under the lamplight as music drifts by—a song transferred on forums, sung by a sixty-something mixed-race woman with a raspy, simple voice. She softly sings with sorrow, almost beautifully, about the endless wind-like yearning after her separation from her husband.
I've heard and thought much about the trivial days and entangled grievances between couples. I've asked myself countless times: What is a couple?
Some say lovers, others say partners, still others say co-renters in life.
If a couple consists of lovers, it’s God's special blessing, something to cherish, holding hands until old age.
If a couple is partners, during their effective partnership term, they must still cherish each other, trying to love one another—not necessarily romantic love, but friendship and familial affection work too. Shared living inevitably brings friction, so more patience and less aggression, more care and less scolding, more respect and less belittling, more tolerance and less stubbornness are needed. Without these, both parties suffer, and it's better to part early than late.
If a couple is co-renters in life, they must respect each other. Without emotional foundations, cohabitation is difficult. You may not love each other, but you must not harm each other. Harm inflicted during co-rental periods can be fatal. Humans can treat a cat or dog kindly, so why not treat a fellow human with thin ties of affection or kinship kindly? Any unavoidable co-rental situation should be based on kindness.
No matter what, coming together is fate. Fate brings people together, and when it fades, they part. A couple is like a cart—if both wheels are equal, they move smoothly forward. If unequal, they bump along, spinning in place.
A couple is like a millstone, constantly grinding, depending on each other, and needing a steady supply of spiritual nourishment. Otherwise, prolonged grinding will ruin them.
A couple is like a hoe—an inseparable organic whole. Separating the blade from the handle turns the blade into rusted scrap metal and the handle into a useless stick, losing all functionality.
A couple is like an umbrella—working harmoniously, protecting against wind and rain, enhancing each other. When discord