The Life-and-Death Love of Leftover Women
In the year I turned 28, all my female classmates and girlfriends were married. Yet, I had not only failed to find a partner but also had never been in a relationship. This situation made me extremely anxious. Every night, I dreamt about getting married. Especially when my mother urged me, I wished I could grab any man off the street and go through the marriage ceremony. As one of my classmates put it: "Eager to get married but can't find a partner." I often cursed under my breath, cursing men for being so superficial. In the past, when I was young and beautiful, I didn’t consider finding a partner then, yet they swarmed around me like flies. Now, though I'm not yet a faded flower, with just a few wrinkles, they keep their distance. Even worse, during a class reunion, a male classmate asked if I was married. When I said I was still single, he joked, "Old you may be, but are you still a girl?" I was so angry I felt like spitting blood. At that moment, I thought: why is it that women are like vegetables, becoming worthless once they age? I also blamed myself for not considering my future while I was young and beautiful. Back then, I dismissed men as worthless when they flocked around me, but now that I've grown older, every man seems precious. Whenever I thought about these things, I became incredibly anxious. It felt like the times had changed, and I had been left behind, discarded by society.
To find a partner, I spent those years trying hard and showing considerable sincerity. However, fate did not favor me. I went on blind dates countless times, but none of them appealed to me. Isn't that strange? Despite going on so many dates, I never gave up or lost hope because I hadn't found the right person yet. Until one day, I completely lost heart. Someone introduced me to another late bloomer. The secret code for our meeting was for me to hold a roasted chicken in my left hand and for him to carry a bottle of beer in his right. We were supposed to meet on the overpass at Zijin Mountain Department Store. Can you believe such discrimination against older singles? From that point on, I refused to go on any more blind dates.
At that time, the internet was gaining popularity. Encouraged by newspapers, television, magazines, and other media, going online became synonymous with being trendy, avant-garde, and fashionable. Due to work reasons, I also started learning how to use computers. Little did I know that this would lead me to discover the joys of chat rooms, where I could forget all my troubles and escape the daunting task of finding a partner. There, I could breathe freely and express myself without restraint. I could pretend to be an innocent young girl, teasing the gentlemen until they typed furiously in pursuit, then disappear. I could even pretend to be a scholar, engaging in witty banter with fake ladies known as Silk Stockings Miss or Crooked Ladies. Occasionally, I'd encounter someone sincere, to whom I could confide my worries without hesitation. Although I bought a computer specifically for internet use, I only viewed it as a tool for leisure and entertainment, not expecting anything serious from it. However, shortly after starting to go online, I met someone who would become my first emotional connection at the age of 28, beginning my journey of love in this virtual world. Perhaps the heart of an older single woman is more easily touched in such a fantastical realm.
One day, I logged into the chat room with the name 'Apricot,' at the Business Information Port's 'Vast Skies' chat room. It was lively there. A user named 'Sunshine Girl' was telling 'Wretch,' "Wretch, wretch, I love you. I won't hit you or scold you; instead, I'll carve you to death with my loving knife." Another user called 'Red Vine Wrapping Tree' told 'Mummy,' "A wife isn't as good as a concubine, a concubine isn't as good as a prostitute, a prostitute isn't as good as a courtesan, a courtesan isn't as good as stealing, stealing isn't as good as failing to steal, failing to steal isn't as good as imagining, ..." A monk was saying, "Here we sell friendship, stories, dreams, reality, passion, melancholy, and wine. What do you desire?" A fake moderator kept posting messages: "We're having a gathering. Please prepare cash, alcohol tolerance, cosmetics, hurry up, details inside." An old K was telling a user named 'Flowing Hair' about gently placing her on the bed, lifting her skirt, removing her underwear, kissing her face, then whispering, "Baby, it's time to change your diaper!" Flowing Hair spat on Old K and ignored him. Old K apologized, "I'm sorry, I'm wrong. I tried to kill myself by hitting my head on tofu and hanging myself with noodles, but both attempts failed. What am I supposed to do?" Flowing Hair replied, "I'm happy because you're happy, I'm cheerful because you're cheerful, I'm sad because you're thin, I laugh because you're fat, I have money because I sold you. This is my pig-raising philosophy." Old K responded, "There are six kinds of eggs in this world: eggs laid by chickens, bombs that explode, people reading this sentence are fools, those laughing are stupid, those angry are dumb, and those cursing are bastards."
As I laughed at these exchanges, a user named 'Missile' entered and immediately started arguing with 'Laughing Wry.' Missile asked Laughing Wry why she didn't show up for their date. Apparently, Laughing Wry was a woman who called Missile a liar. She recounted how Missile had described himself online as charming, cultured, and a successful businessman, but when they met, he was nothing like that. Furious, she walked away without a word. As I listened to Laughing Wry recount this story, Missile began speaking again. Calmly, he insisted he hadn't lied and explained each part of his introduction:
"I'm a mature man (58 years old), tall and imposing, everyone says I look like an elder brother (my height resembles Wu Song's elder brother). My career is somewhat successful, I'm not a particularly big boss (I run a cold drink stall). Wherever I go, I carry a notebook (a paper notebook for phone numbers and daily income). The car I drive isn't too good, but it's wider than a Lincoln (I take the bus every day). Years of influence from Henan University have shaped my cultural taste (because I used to sell cold drinks at Henan University). In my spare time, I study Chinese history, especially Qing history (my favorite TV series is 'The Return of the Condor Heroes'). I keep up with modern trends (I know which cold drinks sell best this year). Because I frequently interact with high society, I've grown tired of it (the president of Henan University always tells me: no stalls allowed on campus!). So I often observe the lower classes (I have to set up stalls in smaller places). My requirements for an ideal partner aren't high (as long as they're taller than me). Dear, come, and I'll treat you to lots of ice cream (the ones that didn't sell today and are almost melted). You'll be satisfied at first sight (you probably won't look at me a second time)!"
As I watched this exchange with amusement, a user named 'Ugly Man' approached me with a riddle: "Piggy has two drops of water on its bottom, guess a song title." I guessed for a while but couldn't figure it out, so I asked him for the answer. To my surprise, it was 'Your Face With Tears Streaming Down.' Frustrated, I replied, "You're uniquely creative in your ugliness, living with great courage. Ugliness isn't your choice, it's God's temper tantrum. Brave soul, continue living. Without you, how could the world's beauty be highlighted?" After saying this, I ignored him, thinking he'd have nothing else to say. But he responded, "You're beautiful, but your arms resemble a kangaroo's, your legs an elephant's, your head a bear's, your mouth a rabbit's, your ears a donkey's, your eyebrows shaped like an eight, your arms crossed, your legs folded, crying and screaming to enter a beauty contest." I was speechless and furious, sending him a '285' (Go Die!) before ignoring him. He persisted for a while but eventually left. I returned to watching others chat. It was during this time that I noticed a user named 'Little Luo' entering. I paid attention to him because of his name. In this special place, people chose all sorts of names except the common ones from daily life. He remained silent for a moment before asking, "Who among you with a happy family wants to chat?" Upon seeing this, my heart resonated deeply. Compared to the usual chatter of users like Old K, Ugly Man, and phrases like "if you're not a beauty, don't talk to me" or "anyone interested in being a mistress?", this question held much greater significance. I responded, "Longing for plums to quench thirst," indicating I was single. He answered, "Plums hang on trees, longing for them is futile." I typed back, "Longing is painful, better to forget." He replied, "Longing, forgetting, networking...". Thus, we chatted aimlessly well into the night, realizing how compatible we were. Though I didn't expect to chat with him again, we unexpectedly met the next evening and continued our conversation.
For the following days, we became regulars at the chat room, along with other frequent users like Old K, Clear Lady, Figaro, Aquarius Whale, and Cabbage Worm. Sometimes we all joined in on a topic, but mostly we paired up to chat. I conversed more with Little Luo. Although I wasn't very experienced online and wouldn't call myself a netizen, my fast typing speed made me agile in conversations. Many seasoned netizens weren't a match for me, leaving me tapping impatiently on my keyboard waiting for their responses. However, I realized Little Luo was different. Not only was his typing speed fast, but he was quick-witted and eloquent. For instance, when I asked his age, he countered with my own. When I mentioned my uneven legs, he humorously admitted to having uneven eyes. I introduced myself: "A woman, 28 years old, wearing a white shirt and black pants, sporting size 45 black leather shoes. If anyone falls in love at first sight, please write a love letter promptly." He replied: "A man, 28.5 years old, small eyes, big mouth, missing two teeth when smiling. Anyone interested, please contact me quickly. Phone number: 1234567."
Through this light-hearted banter, we gradually got to know each other better. I learned he was half a year older than me and also single. Since we were both older singles, we shared more commonalities and topics. During our conversations, we even talked about our experiences with blind dates. He told me about a time when he went on a blind date. They met at the entrance of a park and initially got along well, so they decided to enter the park to learn more about each other. However, while walking, the girl's high heel broke, making her embarrassed and unable to walk properly. She hesitated to tell him. Meanwhile, he was busy talking nonstop, unaware of her predicament. Seeing his lack of sensitivity, she sat down on a bench nearby and refused to move. He, oblivious, continued walking and talking until he finished. When he asked her a question and received no response, he turned around to find her gone. Confused, he hurried back to search for her but found nothing. Eventually, he had to return home and contact the matchmaker, only to learn what had happened. He wanted to arrange another meeting, but the girl declined, claiming that since their first meeting had gone awry, their future together would likely be fraught with difficulties. His mother criticized him for days, accusing him of being too careless and unsuitable for any girl.
I, on the other hand, told him about my worst blind date experience, which involved meeting a bald man. Not only was he wearing a wig, but his face was covered in pimples, resembling Li Huozi. Enraged, I confronted the matchmaker, only to be told that the man's only flaw was his baldness. Moreover, despite his unattractive appearance, he was already a section chief at a young age and soon to be promoted to deputy director. The matchmaker accused me of judging by looks and failing to recognize talent, leaving me speechless.
As time passed, we grew closer. I learned he came from a family of four, with a younger brother, and jokingly referred to them as two monks. Knowing I had two sisters, he humorously compared our family to the in-laws of Zhu Bajie, calling himself similar to the character. His words made me blush and feel flustered. Unknowingly, we had slipped into our roles.
One day, he suddenly said, "The adorable you stole my feelings and took my heart. I plan to sue you in court. The judge can sentence you to lifelong companionship with me." His words made my heart race.
After a brief silence, he suggested calling me. Surprisingly, I agreed. When the phone rang, I picked it up with trembling hands. The voice on the other end was standard Mandarin, beautifully melodic and magnetic. I had never heard such an enchanting male voice. In my quiet little room, his voice seemed to come from heaven, accompanied by celestial music. I was mesmerized, feeling almost ethereal and transparent, losing track of time and place. Once, I asked him about his profession. He said he worked in information dissemination. When I guessed journalist, he denied it. Then I guessed telecommunications, but he shook his head. Asking if he worked for a newspaper or magazine, he again denied. Finally, I thought of television and guessed broadcaster. He sent me a smiley face emoji, confirming my guess. Later facts proved I was correct.
Often, when we communicate, although we chat well and harmoniously, it feels like there's a barrier between us. But when I hear his voice, after our phone calls, everything changes. He even sent me an email:
"Our relationship, guided by the correct policies of the telecommunications bureau and under the warm care of computer merchants, has developed healthily over the past month. This is mainly reflected in:
1. We've chatted many times, spending significant time and gaining mutual understanding.
2. We live in the same city, providing a realistic foundation.
3. I'm a bachelor, and so are you. We're alike.
These three points clearly indicate that after a month of interaction, we've reached a consensus in our feelings. Our primary emotions are mutual understanding and care. We are equal and mutually beneficial. Of course, every matter has two sides. Flaws inevitably exist. There's still a gap in our enthusiasm. These are flaws in progress. In the new month, I believe we will build on our achievements, overcome our shortcomings, persevere, and create a new chapter in our relationship..."
Therefore, I propose three points for your consideration: focus on the word 'love,' emphasize the word 'intimacy,' and implement the word 'union.'
Let's uphold the spirit of unity, perseverance, and resilience, jointly revitalize our feelings, strive to reach new heights, and achieve a new level. With the spirit of building our relationship together, let's create brilliance.
"You are the book, I am the cover. You are the mouse, I am the cat. You are the wood, I am the glue. You are the pork, I am the knife. Our relationship is so good, there's no misunderstanding.
Yours sincerely,
Little L
Monkey Year Horse Month"
As time went by, apart from online interactions, we exchanged other contact methods. He gave me his mobile number, and I gave him mine. If I didn't log on by eight o'clock some evenings, my phone would ring three times on schedule. Then I would drop everything and rush online to meet Little Luo. We often started chatting at eight and sometimes stayed up until three or four in the morning. The real-world midnight was silent, and the online midnight was no longer crowded or noisy. Often, during these moments, wolfish comments appeared, making me feel uneasy and nauseous. Occasionally returning to reality, the darkness of my room frightened me. But with Little Luo by my side, his presence made me feel secure and reliable. Unconsciously, I had come to rely on him emotionally.
In the midnight chat room, Little Luo often caressed my long hair and whispered, "Beibei, even though I haven't met you, your soul is pure and beautiful." In the quiet and darkness of the night, his tender words, free of any sexual or unhealthy undertones, made me blush and my heart race. Through the barriers of time and space, I felt pure affection, warmth, and beauty. Compared to some who declare intimacy at first chat or seek physical contact upon meeting, I found Little Luo to be adorable and noble. I trusted and relied on him more. I told him I wasn't pretty, but he said beautiful girls don't necessarily bring happiness and claimed he was ugly. I thought this was modesty. Even if he were truly unattractive, I wouldn't care. Through this period of understanding, his overall impression on me was: honest, reliable, kind, and gentle. These qualities were what I had long desired, rare in this era. Over the years, I believed that good virtues were more eternal, dependable, and valuable than power, wealth, and appearance. Marriage is a lifelong contract that undergoes the test of time and societal changes, as well as the unpredictability of life. We need something solid, supportive, and unchanging to rely on. Besides virtue, everything else seems transient, including youth, appearance, occupation, health, wealth, power, and even culture. Over the years, I had waited and searched for these seemingly common yet rare qualities. Now, I had finally found them. I didn't care about his looks or whether he was handsome. Even if his face was dark or he was missing a leg, I wouldn't mind. This was what I thought at the time. Why do some marry Zhang Haidi, paralyzed from the neck down, or why does a beautiful girl from a high-ranking family marry a mute? Now, I understood them all.
In others' eyes, two people who haven't met deciding on such matters might seem absurd, at least unrealistic. But I didn't think so. I was confident that I hadn't acted impulsively.
Reasonably, by this point,