Chapter Four
The classroom was in a mess, and the students were exchanging words harmoniously and joyfully with their desk mates. Language can turn strangers into friends, even brothers. People were chatting happily.
Ao Cheng was walking weakly up the steps at the entrance of the classroom, looking dejected and furrowing his brows. His eyebrows seemed about to meet. He kept moving his feet, but the noise inside didn't reach his ears. His passionate thoughts completely drowned out any sound from outside. Han Shuguang walked behind him, unaware of his despondent look.
There wasn't much distance between the classroom door and Ao Cheng's seat, but he felt it took great effort to reach his destination. All his bones felt as if they had turned into blood and flesh without any support, and he slumped onto his seat. His friend suddenly came to, rushing to him in two strides. Luckily, he didn't fall off his seat onto the ground, indicating that some tendons were still functioning.
"Cheng, are you suffering from heatstroke?" Han Shuguang asked concernedly near his ear.
Ao Cheng hadn't regained full consciousness yet, muttering vaguely in a semi-awake state, "It's over, definitely over this time!" His voice was extremely weak, and with all the commotion, Han Shuguang couldn't hear every word, only seeing his lips move laboriously.
"It must be heatstroke!" Han Shuguang thought, turning to rush out of the classroom. But before he reached the door, a loud yet timid voice stopped him. He turned around and saw Ao Cheng standing up from his seat, calling his name. He ran back at the same speed.
The noise in the room seemed to have been silenced by Ao Cheng's one sentence. They could only look at each other speechlessly. A few people were watching the drama of friendship unfold.
"What's wrong with you?"
"What happened just now?" He didn't answer Han Shuguang's question immediately. "I felt my mind getting confused, filled tightly with various things."
"Probably heatstroke!" Han Shuguang said firmly.
"No, not that. I remember everything clearly now. The terrifying scene is attacking me again!" Ao Cheng made a negating gesture and suddenly squatted on his seat. His eyes were closed tightly, showing an expression of great pain.
After hearing this, Han Shuguang finally understood.
"What's so serious? It's just finding our homeroom teacher, look how scared you are, like going to the execution ground." Han Shuguang scolded upon hearing his friend's timidity.
"Do I scare her? Are you joking? I'm not talking about that. You should refrain from giving your opinion until you fully understand, okay?" Ao Cheng rebutted, seemingly angered by Han Shuguang's words.
"Is there anything else besides this matter?" Han Shuguang asked.
"When we got criticized after class, she appeared beside us and witnessed us being scolded. I can't describe her expression then. Was it surprise? Fear? Unbelievable? Or unexpected?... I don't know which one exactly. All I know is that my good image disappeared from her mind at that moment." Ao Cheng's expression grew increasingly painful, making Han Shuguang incredulous. "This is the first impression! The first impression I gave her! Do I still have any hope? There's absolutely no possibility. Is there anything more embarrassing than losing face in public?..." He swallowed all the unsaid words, which were bitterness and anger. He wanted to calm down his already agitated emotions this way.
"Can you think more positively? As the saying goes, 'bad men attract women.' Don't you understand the meaning of this sentence?" Han Shuguang consoled him, noticing Ao Cheng's anger but not fully understanding his burning rage.
"Those are other women. Can she be compared with those stupid women?" Ao Cheng almost spoke with great anger. He completely lost control of his soaring emotions, which were like a ball of fire spitting intense flames in all directions. At that moment, his whole body was trembling, his eyes burned like two fiery balls, and his teeth clicked audibly.
"The situation isn't as bad as you imagine. Cheer up. Once you see her, won't you know what impression you've left on her?" Han Shuguang wasn't bothered, thinking how such a trivial matter could affect someone's good impression of another? He didn't agree with this pessimistic view. "When we see her next time, I'll just ask her what impression she has of you. What's the point of arguing uselessly now?"
"This is what you said yourself, I didn't force you to do it. If you embarrass yourself, don't blame me!" Ao Cheng's heart warmed at this, revealing a hint of a smile on his face. The fire in his heart seemed extinguished by Han Shuguang's words.
"A man stands firm for what he does. Even if she scolds me severely, I won't complain to you."
"The most urgent thing now is how to apologize to the homeroom teacher?" Ao Cheng thought, and a shadow of gloom reappeared on his face.
"You're still scared! She won't eat us if you don't go. I've never seen anyone like you."
"What if he reports us to the homeroom teacher?" Ao Cheng was very frightened, having never encountered such a situation before.
"We'll deal with it when it happens. Class is starting now." Han Shuguang's expression indicated he didn't take it seriously.
"Does the homeroom teacher have class this afternoon?"
"Who cares, let's focus on this class first."
Han Shuguang's heart was calm like a mirror, while Ao Cheng sat restlessly, feeling nervous at the sight of any teacher. On top of that, he was tormented by love. Soon, sweat beads formed on Ao Cheng's forehead, and his palms were also sweaty. This class passed in fear, unable to hear a single word the teacher said.
"Let's go out for a moment." After class, Han Shuguang said to Ao Cheng who was suffering.
"Where to?"
"To find your sweetheart."
"Her?" Hearing this, he was even more astonished.
"Yes, to find her and ask what impression she has of you. Have you forgotten?" Han Shuguang said seriously.
"Let's skip that. If her impression of me is good, fine. But if it's as bad as I imagined, I'd rather die." Ao Cheng supported his chin with both hands, gazing forward without any intention of going out.
"This is what you said yourself. If you don't want to go, that's fine. Anyway, it doesn't benefit me either."
"Let's go out for some fresh air. I'm suffocated." Ao Cheng said after a while.
"It's time like this, and you still want to go out for fresh air. The sun will burn you to death. Aren't you pretending to look for her?" Han Shuguang saw through Ao Cheng's intentions instantly.
Ao Cheng didn't say anything, stood up, and walked out. Han Shuguang followed closely behind.
When they reached the classroom door, Ao Cheng's sweetheart was just passing by with another person. "Cheng, quickly follow her and see where she's going?" Han Shuguang urged.
"I won't go. Just a glance at her is enough. Why chase after her? That's immoral."
"I'll ask her name when no one's around."
Upon hearing this, Ao Cheng lit up, didn't say anything, and followed.
By this time, it was nearly noon, and the sun was shining fiercely. Both Ao Cheng and Han Shuguang were sweating profusely down their backs. It seemed they were heading to the convenience store to buy something. Halfway there, Han Shuguang couldn't bear the scorching sun anymore and said to Ao Cheng, "Let's go back. We can ask when the weather cools down. It's unbearable now."
"You suggested coming here, and now you're backing out. What do you expect me to do?" Actually, Ao Cheng couldn't endure the weather either, but he was just teasing Han Shuguang. By now, there were hardly any pedestrians in the campus, as everyone stayed indoors to avoid the terrible heat.
"Just listen to me once, and I'll always listen to you afterward, okay?" Han Shuguang couldn't stand it anymore.
"Let's go back."
These three words ended their tracking plan.
After sitting down in the classroom, Ao Cheng looked out the window from time to time, waiting for her to pass. He seemed regretful for the decision he had made earlier. Each time he looked out, he sighed deeply, burying his head as if in deep thought. After countless attempts, the result remained the same—she hadn't walked past his line of sight. Anxious waiting made Ao Cheng's heart suspicious, "Has she already passed? Or has she seen through my heart and refuses to walk by here..." None of his speculations were confirmed because when he used a disappointed gaze for the last hope, she walked into his vision. Her head casually turned slightly towards his classroom, sweeping the entire room with sharp eyes. When her gaze met his, their eyes locked.
Our poor waiter ended this long-awaited eye contact with blushing cheeks, while she smiled to comfort his bashful heart. When he looked out again, she was already gone, stepping into her own classroom door. Her timid heart stirred him greatly, and his heart was captured by her once again, willingly this time. During the class, his heart was still on her, and his whispering made the teacher almost intolerable. He was quite lucky that this teacher wasn't as stubborn as the previous one, refraining from picking on him and enduring until the end of the class before shaking his head and leaving the classroom.
No one could tolerate such a student, who often glanced outside the window as if there was a priceless treasure. Not only that, he was constantly muttering to himself quietly.
He spent almost all day like this. Others might consider him a complete fool, but in his heart, it was incredibly sweet.
At night, during the rest period, he couldn't sleep quietly like others, constantly murmuring something incomprehensible. His neighbor, Han Shuguang, was also kept awake by him.
"What's wrong with you today? Are you possessed or did you take stimulants?" Han Shuguang said irritably.
"Maybe both. Since you can't sleep either, let me pour out my heart to you." Without Han Shuguang's consent, he began speaking endlessly like an orator. "Today, I saw her countless times. How excited I am! If every day could be like today, how wonderful and happy it would be. I've discovered how blissful it is to love someone. Even if the whole world were offered in exchange for this feeling, it would be futile. In just two days, I've fully experienced the most beautiful thing in the world—love. If our world had only daylight and no night, it would be amazing. Every hour of the 24-hour day, I could see her..."
His words flowed like a breached dike, unstoppable. Whether Han Shuguang was listening attentively or had fallen asleep, it seemed irrelevant to him. He just needed to express everything in his heart. Han Shuguang sighed repeatedly listening to his fairy tale, assuming he was delirious.
"Are you done?" Han Shuguang interrupted Au Cheng's "dream talk" when he couldn't bear it anymore. "You don't even know her name, habits, or preferences, yet you're loving her to death. Who loves someone like that?"
"You make sense, but how can I learn everything about her? You wouldn't dare suggest I approach her personally, would you? That's something I can't do."
"Why don't you just transfer to her class? Isn't that simple? Can something like this be difficult?"
"That's not a solution. I can't do that. If the whole school knew I was secretly in love with her, it would be too embarrassing."
"If you care so much about appearances, you'll never win her heart. Love requires a thick skin. As long as it doesn't violate the law, you should dare to do anything embarrassing to gain love. I see you're destined to be rejected by love. You might as well give up this unhappy love early, benefiting both you and her. Why not?"
"You want me to give up?"
"Hmm," Han Shuguang nodded in the dark, agreeing with himself.
"Giving her up would be like handing her over to someone else. My heart feels like it's about to explode just imagining it. Seeing her in someone else's arms, allowing other men to embrace her or even..." Oh, I can't bear to think further. It's too terrifying. Unless I never existed in this world, I would never let such ugly things happen."
Au Cheng angrily said. If it were daytime, we would see him like a person in immense pain, nearing death, with facial muscles twitching, eyes wide open due to the torment.
"There's nothing to be done then, leave it to fate. But I must tell you, fate isn't related to you; it won't favor you. No matter how pitiful you are, it remains merciless."
"No, no matter what, I must break free from the clutches of fate. I cannot let it control me."
"You can't fight it."
"So, according to you, I have no hope?"
"There's a tiny bit of hope."
"What hope?"
"If she likes you too."
"She liking me? Let's not say such discouraging words. I would never dare to have such excessive hopes. Let's stop talking about this. Since you can't sleep anyway, we might as well go out for some fresh air." After saying this, Au Cheng put on a piece of clothing. Han Shuguang intended to refuse but seeing Au Cheng already dressed, he didn't say anything and followed him out of the dormitory.
"Where are we going?" After leaving the dormitory, Han Shuguang suddenly asked from behind.
"Just follow me."
Au Cheng didn't even turn his head, continuing to walk.
"Look, right here. During the day, our burning gazes met. We only stared at each other for less than a second, and I already retreated." They walked to the spot where their gazes met earlier in the morning when she passed by his classroom door. He looked very happy, telling Han Shuguang.
"You lack any courage as a man?" Han Shuguang said reproachfully to his companion.
"Courage of a man? What is that? Should I boldly embrace her?"
Au Cheng defended himself, deliberately emphasizing the word "man." "She would surely think I'm a pervert, shouting for help loudly."
"Not only can you not move forward to embrace her, but you shouldn't appear shy when meeting her gaze. You should look directly at her confidently. Appreciating her beauty is respecting her; it's not insulting her. Every girl hopes boys appreciate their beauty, especially the pretty ones. You shouldn't think that looking at them a few more times means you like or love them. That's an extreme misunderstanding." Han Shuguang paused and continued, "Liking or loving stems from deep feelings within, not whether they are pretty or not. A famous person once said, 'It's not because of beauty that we like, but because we like, they become beautiful.'"
Han Shuguang's words left Au Cheng speechless.
Chapter Five
"Cheng, why do you look so haggard? Has something major happened?" At the start of the second semester, Han Shuguang saw his friend looking pitiful and asked with concern. Han Shuguang arrived at school early in the morning and stayed in his dormitory, waiting for his best friend. Not long after, the person he was waiting for appeared at the dormitory door. "Come sit down." Au Cheng obeyed Han Shuguang's arrangement, placing the only backpack he carried on the bed and sitting down next to Han Shuguang.
In the anxious infatuation of the first semester, Au Cheng slowly endured. For the person he yearned for day and night, he changed into a pitiable appearance, his body gradually becoming thinner. By the time school holidays started, he hadn't reached the point where people would cry upon seeing him, but the entire winter vacation had nearly reduced him to a skeleton. His endless longing seemed to have flowed into parched land, receiving no care from the person he loved, who was even unaware of the devoted admirer growing increasingly emaciated day by day. This wasn't her fault. He hadn't revealed even a trace of his love to her, keeping it as secret as state secrets, known only to Han Shuguang. He was utterly destroyed by love.
Speaking of his academic performance, it was even more abysmal. He was far behind Han Shuguang, not just by a little margin. Initially, they were evenly matched when they entered school. In the first semester, Han Shuguang worked hard, while Au Cheng became increasingly dispirited day by day. Could love really be the excellent agent that causes decay? I can't agree with that.
"One can't explain it!" Au Cheng shook his head painfully and said, "Let's go out for a walk. I can't bear it anymore. I feel no strength in my whole body, but I still need to go outside. Maybe I'll encounter something that will uplift my spirits."
"You should lie down and rest for a while. Otherwise, how will you hold out?" Han Shuguang said this with such heartfelt concern that he almost cried. He had never seen Au Cheng like this before.
"No, not a moment can be wasted. It's a mission." Au Cheng closed his eyes slightly at this moment, as if lost in thought. Whenever he thought of anything remotely related to her, his restless and anxious heart was invaded by millions of ants. His external suffering was only a fraction of the anguish in his heart. His head tilted slightly backward, and his rapid breathing slowly calmed down.
"Listen to me, rest a bit. We can go out later."
"No, I can't lie down. If I do, I fear I'll never get up again." After saying this, Au Cheng obstinately stood up and walked toward the dormitory door. Han Shuguang was worried about his friend who was already struggling to walk and stepped forward quickly, supporting Au Cheng with both hands.
It was already spring, but traces of winter still lingered. As soon as they exited the dormitory and turned north, they were hit straight-on by a biting northern wind. The cold wind struck their faces like knives, causing unbearable pain. Han Shuguang shrank back under the assault of the wind, hiding his head deep inside his down jacket. Au Cheng seemed like someone who had lost sensation, unaffected even as the wind slapped his face.
"Cheng, aren't you cold?" Han Shuguang asked with lips purple from the cold.
"Cold? I don't feel particularly cold. I only feel numb all over." While speaking, his eyes scanned everywhere without even glancing at Han Shuguang.
In the empty campus, only these two people continued to wander aimlessly, as if searching for something. They circled the playground a few times, then around the classroom, moving ceaselessly. At this time, the sun peeked out from the heavy clouds in the sky, emitting beams of light, but it failed to warm the heart of the person enveloped in the icy grip of love.
"Cheng, how much longer do we have to keep circling?" Han Shuguang started shivering inside his down jacket, despite the sun overhead.
"I can't accomplish my wish this morning." Au Cheng lowered his head sorrowfully, with tears shimmering in his eyes.
"What wish can't be accomplished?" Han Shuguang asked perplexedly.
"Who could make me so infatuated? Isn't it my angel? My angel I dream about day and night. Is she avoiding me?"
Upon hearing this, Han Shuguang suddenly understood that his friend's current condition was entirely due to her. Han Shuguang thought to himself.
"Let's go back to the dormitory first. Look, the sun is laughing at us from the sky. We'll continue searching in the afternoon, alright?" Han Shuguang truly couldn't bear to see his close friend bound by love, nor could he stand to see him tormented by it.
"Can you guarantee we'll see her in the