After he left, I was still looking at him on the sly.

by wssfivy9 on 2010-04-09 21:12:14

It was the third day after I left Wu. Wu hadn't spoken, his face expressionless, almost in a state of self-isolation; when no one was around, he would concentrate on thinking about something — until his eyes became blurred with tears, but he would never cry; he would listen when others talked, watch when they played, be silent when they were quiet, and struggle to answer when asked questions — this was my ex-boyfriend Xiao Wu's behavior on the third day after our breakup.

Wu slept until eleven o'clock, during which time the dormitory aunt came in three times, seeing him curled up in the quilt, just shaking her head without saying anything. After Wu got up, he had missed most of the morning classes, so he went straight to the cafeteria to order dishes while waiting for his friends and wooden powder machine. During the wait, he was restless and didn't know where to look. Finally, he took out the commemorative Zippo lighter I gave him, lit it, stared at it for a while, then realized he had forgotten to take out the cigarettes. In an instant, tears uncontrollably welled up, and he quickly left.

When Wu returned, his friends had already arrived, and everyone started eating. During the meal, friend Jian kept talking, and a couple at the opposite table was loudly teasing each other, but Wu showed no reaction. Even when I sat at the next table, he didn't notice. The dishes they ordered were braised pork ribs, tomato tofu, stir-fried oil wheat grass, and four-joy meatballs — regardless, ordering four-joy meatballs at this time seemed somewhat "that," especially by Wu. I could see that his friends were also a bit confused, but no one asked, and everyone just chatted casually about trivial matters. Wu completely ignored everything around him, focusing solely on the four-joy meatballs. He grabbed a spoon from somewhere and mechanically fed himself large bites of food.

Fortunately, there was no drinking, I thought.

During the noon nap time, Wu cleaned the restroom, staying inside for a full hour. When he came out, everyone shouted "clean." Wu smiled faintly, a smile as if from another world.

In the afternoon, his two best friends Jian and Jian skipped class to accompany Wu to play pool. Wu's excellent skills drew cheers from onlookers.

They kept playing until six o'clock, when Jian suggested having dinner. The three came to an unfamiliar restaurant and drank thirteen bottles of beer, finishing three portions of set meals cleanly. Wu's face was pale, swaying unsteadily, and the only place with color on his entire body was his eyes. Jian and Jian were chatting back and forth, while Wu remained silent. At eleven o'clock, they ordered a dish of four-joy meatballs, and Wu ate them one by one before settling the bill — much to Jian and Jian's surprise.

The three returned to the dormitory together before the main gate was locked. But the next morning, when the manager opened the door, they found Wu asleep on the ground.

For the next half week, Wu continued sleeping in the hospital, unaware even when I came to his bedside.

Perhaps I should go back to him.

The thirtieth day.

Xiao Wu began speaking again, able to converse, without any signs of self-harm. He ignored me as if we were strangers. Everyone felt sympathy for him, so no one mentioned our relationship.

Xiao Wu called out my name thirteen times in his dreams, woke up once, and was late for class. He voluntarily sought psychological counseling and was told not to touch the four-joy meatballs again. Wu believed that the person who should have been consulted was the doctor.

Everything seemed to be developing in a good direction.

The fortieth day.

He found a part-time job at a convenience store, was in good spirits, worked hard in the student union, and with the final exams approaching, studied particularly diligently. After closing work at the convenience store at ten o'clock at night, he ate four-joy meatballs and drank beer alone, shedding tears unexpectedly.

I couldn't help but cry too.

A year later.

Wu, now the chairman of the student union, was living with unprecedented vitality. He appeared to be someone with boundless prospects, bustling daily between various activities, ceremonies, and discussions... studying late into the night every day for postgraduate entrance exams, almost serving as a model for freshmen; Wu was even recruited by two units outside the school, ready to become a "golden collar" upon graduation.

He never found another girlfriend. Although countless girls admired him, Wu showed no signs of being moved. He just got close to his ordinary-looking partner in the student union, and no one knew what he was thinking.

I think only I know.

Wu graduated!

Wu and his plain-looking partner became lovers. Their entire process was like this: throughout their dinner together, Wu frequently stared at the four-joy meatballs in front of him, almost crying, but refused to look up at her; she thought he was too pitiful, so she said, "Let's be together," and thus they were together. Work, training, socializing, and then reaching marriageable age.

So they decided to get married.

Xiao Wu should be physically and mentally healthy and happy, at least I am confident about this. I think as long as I see his wedding invitation, I can leave with peace of mind — after waiting for five whole years.

I want to take one last look at his invitation, though none of them are addressed to me. Xiao Wu spent an entire afternoon personally writing his future happiness guarantee letter — those gold-embossed cards were a kind of promise for both him and me. I was so happy I wanted to cry, as if the one marrying him was his initial lover — his college girlfriend — me.

Then I really cried — because the "bride" column on all the invitations was mistakenly filled out with my name.

Xiao Wu didn't cry, just like these five years, he never let me see a single tear. He was smiling, like a天真child's bright smile. My tears fell onto my name, drop by drop... Xiao Wu didn't notice, still showing his long-lost innocent smile.

I know that in human eyes, ghosts have no tears because they don't exist.

I think if there is a next life, I will definitely not run across the road, even if the person waiting for me on the other side is my dear boyfriend Wu.