I am 28 years old, got married early, and now work in a public enterprise. I have developed feelings for my boss. I really regret it; that night, I shouldn't have gone for a walk alone with him. It was after that when I realized I had fallen for him, and the feeling grew stronger and more profound. One day, he tried to get closer to me, even brushing against my ear. I could feel his breathing become a little rapid, his gaze somewhat dazed. At that moment, I was very clear-headed, outwardly calm. He is a married man, so I let go of his hand. He didn't force anything, and we both went back home.
Since then, the scenes from that night keep replaying in my mind, and I started missing him. When he came to see me again, I was actually overjoyed and threw myself into his arms without any hesitation.
Now our relationship is like this: when he needs me, he directly calls me to come to the hotel. Otherwise, we don't have any contact at all, not even phone calls. On Valentine's Day this year, he ordered flowers for me, though he didn't personally deliver them because he was afraid of being seen. So, I just picked them up from the flower shop. Also, he casually bought a rose for his wife (this I only knew because his wife mentioned it during one of their chats). Sometimes I don't understand what he's thinking. I also ask myself, what does this even mean? Is it love? I don't know why, but I find myself attached to this nearly 40-year-old man, knowing full well that his feelings for me aren't genuine, yet I still willingly give myself to him.
Recently, I've been considering changing jobs, but I feel some reluctance. What should I do?
Response:
Your confession vividly reflects your relationship. He only contacts you when he needs you, so what does that make you? You're nothing more than a convenient tool for him to use.
A bouquet on Valentine's Day has moved you to tears? To be honest, that money wouldn't even be enough for him to hire a high-end escort. So, in his eyes, you're cheaper than an escort. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but to tell you that you're not treating yourself fairly.
Because you're willing to lower yourself for him now, if you were a person with self-respect, if you wanted to maintain your dignity above the emotional threshold, things wouldn't have turned out this way.
If you continue to undervalue yourself, will he still cherish you properly? Don't believe his sweet lies. Remember, men's promises are made to be broken. Focus on maintaining your own family happiness; that's the right path.
If you're worried that once he loses interest in you, he might fire you, then find ways to secure evidence of his intimacy with you. Though this method might seem underhanded, sometimes it's necessary when dealing with someone unscrupulous.
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