We have all walked too fast for our souls to catch up. Carefully thinking about it, there is indeed some truth in this. In this world where time is of the essence, we suddenly realize that we've been walking too fast. When we occasionally stop to catch our breath, we discover our fatigue and hardship. We also realize it's been a long time since we last calmed down to properly reflect on the path we've taken. A string stretched too tight, when suddenly relaxed, causes both body and spirit great torment, teetering on the brink of collapse. We want to pause and rest our feet, but seeing others' hurried pace makes us start to feel anxious again. Thus, we hastily pack our bags and set off once more!
At the onset of evening with the bright lights illuminating the night, I walk alone within the campus, observing my shadow under the light. Suddenly, a wave of loneliness washes over me, accompanied by desolation. My heart starts to feel restless, pondering about tomorrow - the imminent farewell. What should I think about? What should I do? For so many years, I've grown accustomed to solitude, though lonely, I've never felt such desolation as now. Perhaps it's because of the impending farewell, my heart begins to grow weak, unable to withstand even the slightest storm. The once beautiful or sorrowful stories replay in my mind one by one, stirring up waves of emotion. When everything returns to calmness, my heart also becomes tranquil. Having walked this far, I no longer yearn for much, nor hope for much. What we may have abandoned perhaps includes our own happiness. But what should we use to hold it back? Not knowing what to do, even if known, it might not be done anyway. So let it go. What remains may carry sadness, buried deep within, it won't be too painful.
While typing, I suddenly noticed the scar on my wrist. It's just a faint mark now, no longer painful, yet it will never disappear, something I've never thought about like this before. Two years ago, on a certain night, lying in bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep, my complex and chaotic emotions were difficult to grasp. However, the sudden surge of sorrow overshadowed everything. I had never imagined that after a moment of joy would come such a brutal blow. The sky pressed low, making it hard to breathe. Tired from running around aimlessly, I was at a loss, like a condemned prisoner awaiting execution, expecting death to come.
In the dimly lit dormitory corridor, sparks flickered, occasionally lighting up the darkness ahead, then disappearing suddenly. No one was willing to stay up late with me anymore, getting numb. One cigarette after another burned away, leaving me with a sense of floating detachment, as if not walking on the floor. Surrounded by smoke, I fell into a quiet but restless sleep. Those who leave may still have a chance to turn back, but those who have passed away? Reaching out to grab onto something, before my arms fully extend, they already hang limply at my knees. Life for us is never an easy thing, hardship was destined from the start. Could we have been given more courage at the beginning?
Perhaps the road of pursuit is long, and the journey filled with thorns. I'm not afraid of pain, only the numbing loss of direction that torments the softness in my heart, wearing down our faith and courage until they are clean and sharp.
Sometimes, we really should stop and quietly reflect on where we've been and where we're heading next. Yet, in the rush, our thoughts become tangled, plunging us into confusion. Now, I want to stay in Jinan and am striving for it. But suddenly, I find that running tirelessly as an individual is truly boring, even somewhat decadent. I know that saying anything now can't allow me to retreat. Even if I die, I want to die with a bang, let alone still being alive. For the dream in my heart, uncertain whether it can be realized, I continuously encourage myself, telling myself not to give up, not to easily cross my own bottom line. Yet life is gradually eroding my belief and patience bit by bit. Let's work hard. Fortunately, that's not everything, nor a bet for a lifetime. I can do it. Suddenly realizing understanding what I want and what I want to do isn't necessarily a good thing, as it easily wears down my willpower. But letting go isn't necessarily easy, and persisting isn't necessarily arduous. At least, I still hold onto dreams and haven't lost hope in this world.