Another Qingming Festival has come. "There are millions of households in the Qingming Festival, and everywhere is full of vitality." The same Qingming Festival evokes different feelings. The mystery in the cycle of time, how many people can figure it out? Five years have passed since my grandmother left me, but I still feel endless sorrow. I once thought that time could dilute everything, including sadness, but the longer time passes, the more I miss her. Her appearance, smiles, and kindness to me have become increasingly ingrained in my mind. A week before the Qingming Festival, I had two dreams, dreaming about my deceased grandmother.
As the New Year approaches, my grandmother has nothing. She said, buy some rice, oil, and clothes... After breakfast, my husband, daughter, and I set off to burn paper money for my grandmother. There was no drizzle like in previous years. My mind cannot be at peace. In the late spring, dragging my weary heart, it pulls my heavy steps. The wind keeps smiling, trying to take away my deep thoughts. Who can pick up this unforgettable mood? I want to use a loud cry to wake up the deceased. The familiar faces of the past always drift in the white sky of my memory. I unconsciously whispered to the lush flowers and grass: Go, take my sincere prayers with you, may the loved ones who have left me walk well in another world. My husband laughed at me, saying, what era is this, and you're still bringing up superstition. He might not understand that although my grandmother has left, she took with her the deep love she had for me. Her kind smile is still deeply buried in my countless quiet dreams, and there are traces of my tears flowing down my cheeks after waking up from numerous dreams...
The Qingming Festival came as expected, and too many memories accumulated in my heart need to be expressed, need to be shouted, need to be reflected upon... My grandmother, she is in a faraway place, only in the dream world are we together. I have an indescribable feeling in my heart, it trembles around my heart, moves the veins in my heart, my blood vessels are almost bursting. Burning paper money is just wanting to build a bridge between the two worlds. My grandmother has been gone for nearly five years.
When I was a child, because my father was busy with work and rarely came home, and my mother was busy inside and outside, taking care of the whole family, I spent a long time of my childhood with my grandmother. On summer nights, in the backyard cooling off, my grandmother gently fanned me to drive away mosquitoes; on winter nights, when the cold air hit, my grandmother warmed my little feet in her arms, or perhaps her slightly hunched back was to carry my entire body. When I started middle school, because it was far from home, I lived with my grandmother for nearly three years... All these things from my childhood are deeply engraved in my heart, I dare not forget them, always thinking that when I grow up, I will repay my grandmother's kindness.
When I got my first paycheck, I thought about buying something for my grandmother. When my grandmother was sick, every time I changed her clothes, touching her thin body made my tears flow uncontrollably. Is this the back that once carried me around playing? Is this the hand that once cooked and washed clothes? Every time I saw the doctor having to try multiple times to find my grandmother's veins, my heart would tighten... One Saturday afternoon, my grandmother held my hand and said, "Tomorrow is Sunday, you must come, I have something to tell you, definitely." At that time, my grandmother was so awake. It was 15 days since she fell ill. Unexpectedly, these words became our permanent farewell. The next day, used to sleeping in on Sundays, when I walked to my grandmother's side, she could no longer speak. My mind went blank, I shook all over like being electrocuted. Tears flowed freely, my grandmother looked at me with her cloudy eyes, reached out her hand, and indeed touched mine, then closed her eyes peacefully. No matter how I screamed in anguish, she never said another word to me.
On the day of the funeral, I did not cry. I stood beside silently gazing at my grandmother, she lay there quietly and peacefully, her wrinkles completely smoothed out...
Incense, candles, and paper money were lit in my hands, slowly burning in the air... They emitted low groans, they understood, turning into ashes to bring my grief to my grandmother. Waiting for that eternal truth, awakening the soul that is forever closed, who can clearly say what kind of mutual dependence exists between the two worlds? The dead cannot be brought back to life, only the lonely souls constantly haunt the memories of the living.
As I write to the end, I have stopped several times and burst into tears. Time flows, clouds change. In the blink of an eye, the world has changed, my daughter is now like I was back then, often lying on her grandmother's back... Because of such a flow and cycle of life, the river of life continues without pause. In the netherworld, there have gathered countless faces we once knew.
Life needs new understanding, needs to be cherished. The living should live more brilliantly to comfort those who love you and whom you love in the nine springs below!